There was never a point in my life when I thought they’d be even halfway interested in me. Honestly, they barely spoke to me growing up. I was just the tag-along. The girl that their sister brought over all the time. And as we got older, I think I got so used to that dynamic that I couldn’t imagine it ever becoming anything else.
Though we’re not kids anymore.
We’ve moved away, moved on, lived our lives. And now, the idea that they might feel the same way about me… has caught me completely off guard.
With all these thoughts swirling around, there’s one thing that hasn’t changed. I still have feelings for them.More than feelings at this point. I’ve been in love with them for years, and no one has ever come close to loosening the hold they’ve always had on me. Not for lack of trying on my part.
I tried to move on.
Like, I have dated some of the world’s most douchiest assholes, just to convince myself that it had been nothing more than a childhood fantasy. Of course, none of it worked. Being caught up in someone,or someones,that were just not that into you is fucking embarrassing. Now that I’m back in Blue River, with their memories tucked into every corner of every street, something has stirred in me that I’ve spent years trying to ignore for the sake of my own heart.
I am sitting in their cabin, eating their candy cane topless, while they sleep outside in their workshop. The band that has poured their souls into every song that has been like a soundtrack to my life these past six years, the band the whole world listens to, is Zane, Axl, and Phoenix. Somehow, it almost feels like fate is tugging at me. Like every road I’ve taken, every choice I thought I made to move on still led right back to them.
“You were never a groupie to us, Shiloh. You were our fucking reason. You’re in our music, every chord, every beat, and we’ve spent our whole goddamn lives trying to be worthy of you.”
They never thought they were worthy of me? Howis that even possible? Yes, I have worked hard to be where I am today, and it’s finally starting to pay off. But back then, I was nothing more than a timid puppet, too scared to ruffle my parents’ feathers, but I can assure you that’s not the case anymore.
The guys were always happy.
I was not.
No matter what life threw at them, they stood by one another and basically told the world to either get with the fucking program or fuck all the way off. That was always admirable to me. They chose each other’s happiness every time, and it was their fire that encouraged me to get the hell out of Blue River and do what I loved the most. Art.
They encouraged me to live life the way that I wanted without a single fucking apology, and I guess in some way, I wanted them to be proud of me, though I hadn’t admitted that to myself until just now.
I glance down at my phone, and I notice that there’s still no reception. I can almost bet that my parents are totally freaking out right now. Tomorrow is Christmas, and they had this whole ass dinner planned, but if I’m being honest, I’m not going to miss much. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get it right with them. My peers always thought that because I was an only child, I was spoiled as a kid. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Each interaction always felt transactional. Like their love was way too expensive. The script was well and truly flipped when I put a price on my peace,because they thought their world was ending the day I left. I didn’t see a reason for me to stay anymore. I had zero interest in being with any of the guys my mother tried to set me up with, because, unlike them, settling down straight out of high school sounded like shit to me. Name a single woman who has ever soaked their panties over the idea of being with an accountant. Not me.
Surely the officers have informed them that I’m okay, though I suppose with this town, you never really know. They pick and choose what they care about around here.
A hand clamps over my mouth, and I immediately drop everything I’m holding. I didn’t hear them creep up on me with all the noise in my head. A nose brushes the side of my neck, sending a shiver of goosebumps across my skin. They found a way in,godfuckingdammit!
“You think you could hide from us, Little Doll?” he says, his deep voice rolling over me like thunder. “Did you think we wouldn’t find our way to you?” he whispers, his warm breath ghosting over the sensitive flesh of my neck, before he captures my ear into his mouth, teasing, biting, and sucking the lobe.
I look up, and my breath catches in my chest. Axl and Phoenix Stone are standing in front of me, wearing nothing but faded black jeans hanging low on their hips. Their tattoos almost glisten along every hard line of muscle, every inch of them sculpted to perfection,and the heat bouncing off their bodies makes my skin tingle.
They really do look like brothers, yet totally different from the boys I once knew. They are men now, and they both radiate the kind of masculinity that looks like the devil taught them how to fuck. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want exactly that. Because hello? Not even a saint would turn them down.
Phoenix’s midnight-colored hair is messy, wild in that effortlessly chaotic way that all rockstars have, while Axl’s is dyed blond with a hint of black regrowth, and it dawns on me that they're not wearing masks. While I had noticed their hair before, I had never really seen them as themselves prior to this moment. The hunger in their eyes reignites the desire I felt when they had me on my knees earlier, and when Zane finally pulls his hand away from my mouth, I have to remind myself to breathe.
There are no masks between us anymore.
There is only truth.
They admitted how they felt, more openly than I’ve dared to be so far, and I realize that the only thing standing in the way of what we all so obviously want… is me.
My eyes drift to the tattoo of my name sprawled across Phoenix’s chest, and I can’t help the smile that teases the corner of my lips.
Zane rounds the couch and then settles beside the others, and my eyes are drawn to the way his handsglide over their bodies, caressing them with a slow, confident gentleness. How did I not see this before? Was I that awestruck by being in the presence of the band that I never bothered to look beneath the surface? Because this… what they have, standing here in front of me, is nothing short of magic.
Their eyes burn into my skin, and for a moment, I forget that I’ve been sitting here with no bra or shirt on. I don’t bother covering myself, after all, they’ve seen it before, and something tells me they’re going to see a lot more of me than my tits. The intensity in their eyes has me trembling with need, and the way their gazes linger, so full of longing, lights me ablaze. Before we go through with this, I need them to know. I need them to know that their hearts are safe with me. That I understand all the things they’re not saying, because I am right there with them, I always have been, and I don’t want to be anywhere else than wrapped up in them. I won’t bother trying to deny it. Their home is where I’ve always belonged.
“I’ve been in love with you since the day I first laid eyes on you. All of you. Before I even understood what love meant. When we were younger, I wanted so desperately for you to like me, even just a little, because that would’ve made me feel a lot less crazy?—”
“Shi—”
“Wait,” I cut in before Axl can speak. “I need to get this out. As much as I want this, as much as I wantyou,” my eyes bounce between them. The heat in theirgazes is enough to make me lose my nerve, so I look down at the floor. “Knowing who you are now, I don’t think I can come back from something like this without leaving way too much of myself behind. I have to protect my heart. So if there’s even the slightest chance that you’re unsure, any of you, please. Don’t do this. Don’t start something you don’t intend on finishing.”
I close my eyes, bracing myself for the sound of my ghosts walking away from me. For the rejection I am so fucking used to. But instead of retreating footsteps, I feel someone move closer, close enough that the air around me shifts. I open my eyes to see Phoenix crouched before me, curling his thumb and index finger gently under my chin, guiding my face to his.
