The part that catches me off guard isn’t that Shiloh could handle everything without breaking a sweat. It’s that I am secretly relieved. Now that I’m here. Now that it’s happening, it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and for the first time in months, I can finally think clearly.
“This is it, babe!” she says, as the flight attendant's voice crackles over the speakers, calling for boarding. We both straighten, collecting ourselves as people start to line up.
“Please tell me I’m doing the right thing,” I almost whisper. My business is so new, I'm afraid that I'll drop the ball and everything I've worked so hard for will go to shit. Things like that always seem to happen when you're away and aren't around for damage control. I've rescheduled all meetings with my clients, who were more than happy to do so, yet all I feel is guilt for having to reschedule in the first place.
“I have been where you are. I know how you’re feeling. You want everything to be perfect, and trust me, I know how much this journey has cost you. And I’m not just talking about the vacation.” Shiloh steps closer, reaching out to grip my shoulders, holding me in place. She squeezes me a little as if to anchor me to this moment. “Just know that I’ve got you. You’re gonna get on that plane, board your fucking cruise ship, and spend the next two weeks relaxing and doing things for just you. And if you find a waiter or two to fuck, you have two boxes of condoms in your makeup bag.” Oh my god. My mouth hangs open, and I'm mortified at how loud she just said that, but my shock is quickly interrupted as she pulls me in for one last hug goodbye. I don’t need them. One, I’m on birth control, and two, I don’t plan on sleeping with anyone, but I choose to let her have this.
“I don’t know how to thank you, Shi—” I start, voice trembling.
“Don’t thank me,” she says, holding me tighter. “You look after our cabin. You’re there for your brothers, always, and without fail. You drop everything for us on a dime, no matter what you have going on in your life. You deserve this. Please. Let me return the favor.”
I close my eyes, an attempt at letting go of the stress put there by the chaos that has been my life lately. My head is still pounding from last night, a slow, heavy kick-drum where my brain is supposed to be, and judging by the sunglasses Shiloh is wearing, I’d say she feels the same way. It’s true what they say about alcohol. The older you get, the less invincible you are to its punishment. I’m only twenty-six, but I swear, after this, I am never drinking like that again.
I say goodbye to my best friend, and I make a conscious effort not to micro-manage her or give her any more lists than the ones waiting for her on my laptop I prepared on our way to the airport.
After threatening bodily harm if anything happens to Dutchess, I throw one last wave over my shoulder and reluctantly hand the hostess my boarding pass to scan.
This is insane,right?
Nothing about what I am doing is normal for me. Yes, I know that’s the whole point. I have to learn to let go of what no longer serves me.Welcome the newor whatever. That can only happen if I actually do the thing. Well, this is me doing the thing. It’s just a vacation. I’ll be fine. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that when I get back, everything will be different.
CHAPTER 4
WEST
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND ALL OF THEM ARE NON-REFUNDABLE
“Aw. Still no reception?” Haze drawls, his voice soaked in smug satisfaction. I glance over at him, unimpressed, then shove my phone back into the pocket of my linen shorts.
“I was checking the time, smartass.”
“No, you were checking your emails,” he counters. “Your shoulders get all tense when you lie.” Ignoring him, I exhale through my nose, my gaze drifting back to the horizon and the ocean that stretches endlessly beyond our private balcony. I've got to admit, it's fucking beautiful. It better be for how expensive the tickets were. I can’t remember the last time I did something like this, and as much as it pains me to acknowledge, I was long overdue for a break. Even if my mind hasn’t caught up to the idea yet. Haze steps in closer, close enough that I can feel the weight of him brush against the skin of my back. He presses a brief kiss on my shoulder before lowering his voice.
“Fourteen days. You promised us fourteen days with no distractions, remember?” His hand slides to my lower back as he shifts to my side, my body instinctively loosening beneath his touch.
“I can think of a few ways to keep you both occupied for that long,” Beau adds as he approaches, slipping easily in the space between us where he belongs. He passes Haze and me a drink before leaning in, fitting himself against our bodies with a grin. We’ve all waited way too long for this. Where we can just be ourselves without the prying eyes of the local townsfolk back home in Blue River. My son doesn’t know about us yet, and with the huge misunderstanding that happened the other night, I’m not so sure when the right time will be to open up to him about our relationship.
“Alright. What’s wrong?” Beau asks, walking over and placing his glass on the table to the right of the balcony. Turning back around, he stands before me, successfully blocking my view. He’s always been good at that. Reading me in ways that nobody else can. With a sigh, I take a sip of my drink, almost choking from the fruity, tropical taste.
“Goddammit! This tastes like fuckin’ unicorn piss!” I sputter.
“You’re supposed to stir it. That’s what this cute little thing is for.” Beau chuckles, pointing to the pineapple straw thing, before squaring me with a look. “Now. If we’re going to have an actual vacation, we need you to get whatever it is that’s been bothering you off your chest.” Beau reaches out to grip my shoulders, brushing my skin gently with each thumb to comfort me. I still haven’t told them about what happened the other night. Not because they’d be mad at me for hooking up with someone else, we often bring a woman into the mix, but because all I feel is shame. My son won’t talk to me, not really, and I don’t know how to fix things with him.
With a sigh, I look up at the ceiling, then back down to meet both their gazes. Haze now stands beside Beau, unease lining their sharp, devastating features, and I decide to rip the band-aid straight off.
“Theo walked in on me with a woman the other night.” Silence. My eyes bounce between them to try and discern what they might be thinking, but they don’t so much as flinch. “It was late, and I thought I was alone when I got home from work the other night, and waiting for me in my bedroom… was a woman. In the dark.”
“Okay? Does Theo not like that you had somebody over?” Haze asks, his face a mask of confusion, though his soft, willow-green eyes don’t leave mine.
“I didn’t have a woman over. That’s the thing. I thought, after our conversation about me needing to blow off some steam, I thought you… you know,” I gesture between them. God, I’m doing a terrible job of explaining this.
“You thought that we…what?” Beau says, his voice unhurried, giving me time to think, letting me know he isn’t bothered by my admission, but genuinely worried for me. It takes a lot to have me on edge like this, and I know they're concerned.
“I thought that you arranged for her to be there. To…service me.” For fuck’s sake. This sounds stupid. I know it does. But that’s the truth of it. A long silence stretches between us, their expressions mirroring how lost they are. I’m just as damn lost.
“So there was a woman in your bedroom, and you thought that we…arranged for her to be there.Where does Theo come into it?” Haze questions, and the next part has my stomach tangled up in knots.
“He walked in on her giving me a handjob, and by the time I realized what the fuck was going on, the light was on and he was screaming in my face that I fucked his girlfriend.” I letout a heavy breath, wishing that none of this ever happened. I honestly had no idea who she was. I mean, I was in the dark, both figuratively and literally. God, I should’ve known better. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to get her out of my head since it all went down.
