“Beau?” I yell, standing on the edge of the cliff like an idiot, toes curled over the jagged rock, as my heart tries to beat its way out from behind my ribs.
“Yeah, babe?” he calls back, way too fucking relaxed for someone waiting to witness my potential death.
“I just want you to know,” I say carefully. Don’t want to lose my balance, or anything. The wind is getting stronger, yanking at my long hair and whipping it around my face. Thick clouds cover what’s usually a beautiful late afternoon sky, making everything feel ominous, and I'm annoyed that I didn't tie my hair back before I left this morning. It’s been raining on and off,and it’s only amped up the humidity, and my hair is borderline unmanageable. “If I fall weird and break something important, I’m blaming you. The whole world will know you’re responsible, Beau Baker, do you hear me?!” He chuckles, like that was a joke.It wasn’t.
“You’re not going to fall weird.”
“Uh, can’t promise that,” I reply, resisting the urge to squeeze my eyes shut. Knowing my luck, I’ll fuck this up and hit the side of the cliff or something. The truth is, I'm distracted, and none of this is enjoyable.
“Babe! Just aim for the water. There’s plenty of it! And if you fall weird, I promise I’ll situate your body in a way that makes you look all angelic and shit, now jump, Jovi!”I’m in the presence of a true gentleman.
Why the hell am I doing this? It was on my list of things I wanted to do before I returned home to Blue River, and the guys swore it’d be fun. Newsflash, it isn’t. I can't think straight. My head is a mess. A Beau, Haze, and West sized mess. And I shouldn't be up here if I can't stay focused. A bucket list is supposed to be about living, not dying, and I’m staring at a death trap.
“Anytime today would be good,” Haze says, swimming closer to the edge of the water below. He hasn't said this, but I know he’s posing as a visual marker for me. So I know wherenotto jump. Haze is sweeter than anyone has ever given him credit for. Sure, he’s broody. An alpha male in every sense, even more than I remember from school, but underneath it all, he’s also kind, thoughtful and unexpectedly caring. I'm going to miss him. “Just jump,” he adds. “Just aim straight and go for it.” I glance down again, which is a big mistake because my stomach does a complete somersault.
“I can’t!”
“What do you mean, you can’t? Of course you can!” Haze says, growing sick of my shit, no doubt.
“It looks like I’m about to jump into a bucket. It’s like it’s getting smaller!”
“It's okay, Babydoll,” Beau says, noticing my nervousness as it morphs into something that I’m sure resembles panic. Within seconds, Haze swims to the side, hauling himself out of the water with effortless strength. A few minutes pass, the quiet only broken by the steady roar of the waterfall, until the sound of footsteps finally reaches me.
“You good?” Haze says, his deep, calm voice startling me.
“No,” I admit, looking over at him, keeping my voice steady, though my hands are clenched tightly into fists. “I’m like the opposite of agile. I’m a failed cat.” Haze chuckles, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. Before I can even register it, his body is against mine, his tattooed chest pressing into my back, every inch of contact sending sparks of heat down my spine. Oh my God. Haze has never been this close and I’m afraid that if I move, he’ll run for the hills. Unfortunately, neither of them has ever laid a hand on me, and I thought their distance was because of something West said that kept them away. But he’s here now, and I can barely breathe.
My damp skin clings to him, the wind only sharpening the heat radiating off him. The knot in my stomach starts to fade as his masculine scent hits me. It's calming. It should be illegal to smell this good. Like spice and earth. Cinnamon kissed bergamot and the woodsy, faint touch of rain, all wrapped in one, toe-curling nose-gasm.
Yes, it’s a thing, and I want to bathe in it.
“You scared, Princess?” he whispers, his breath warm as he brushes his beard across the curve of my neck, sending a low, electric ripple through me. He leans in further, every defined curve and tattooed muscle clinging perfectly to me in all theright places. I let out a gasp when I feel that he’s hard, and I can’t help the way my body reacts. I grind back slightly, wishing the thin fabric of my bikini didn’t separate us. I want to feel every inch of this man. No barriers. For as long as I can.
I never thought I'd be like this. Giving in to parts of myself I’d usually avoid, because the idea of doing so would have been way too much of a distraction before. I needed to focus on myself and my life. My mother had a hard enough time trying to keep my brothers in check, let alone trying to handle me and whatever drama I was capable of creating, too. But also, I wasn't ready for a relationship then. But now? Everything is different. Don’t ask how, but it is. I can't help myself when it comes to them. It's like Shiloh has been whispering in my ear the entire vacation, telling me to take a chance. To go for it. To hell with the consequences… Which, ironically, had once been my advice to her. Well, this is me taking the non-hypocritical route, and I've never felt this free.
It’s been three days since the beach. Since what happened with West. And he's avoided me like the plague. He’s been acting like my mere presence will be the death of him. A bit overdramatic, sure, but I understand. Really, I do. We crossed a line we shouldn't have. We blurred something that was supposed to remain clean and simple. And now we're paying the price for it because apparently, the only way he can keep his hands off me is by pretending I don't exist. Does it hurt that things can't be different between us? Yes, and that alone bothers me. In all my life, I've never felt this way about anyone.
Theo was my one and only attempt at love, and it wasn't anything to write home about. It was all habit, and no heart. All of that pales in comparison to the way I feel about the three, broody, tattooed men on this island. Men who have made it very clear that they want me, but are holding back because of the circumstances with West and his son.
Beau and Haze finally filled me in on their situation and the secret they are carrying. It isn't my story to tell, and I won't be the one to expose something so personal. According to the guys, Theo is a total jerk to his father, and I believe it. I won't be the one to make things worse. This is me following their lead. They love each other.
Madly.
Irrevocably.
Watching the three of them together, the way they look at each other is magical. The quiet understanding that passes between them is a language only they understand. It kind of reminds me of the most important people in my life. My brothers, Zane and Shiloh. And getting to know them has been the most visceral experience I've ever had. The kind that gets under your skin and changes you, teaches you what real connection looks like, and what it feels like to belong. And I'm still on the outside looking in. Looking through the window of the life they've built with each other, because West and me? We can't happen. Even if every bone in my body is telling me it's what I want. To give whatever this is a chance and see where it goes. I can't just be with Haze and Beau without him. It wouldn't feel right. Because I will always want West, too, and it isn't fair for any of us.
This vacation is coming to an end, and that means I'll have to let go at some point. We'll go back to our real lives, and this will be nothing more than a memory for no one but me. I just wish it didn't hurt.
Haze’s hand drifts down, spreading across my stomach, his warmth threading through me, sparking the familiar current that always seems to ignite whenever either of them is near me, filling the air around us.
“I want you,” he breathes, his voice rough and tortured, as if he feels it too. The ache of what we're missing out on. The painof this impossible situation. “I don't want you to be the one who got away, Jovi,” he murmurs, and it breaks something inside me, because that's exactly what we’ll be to each other the moment we leave this island. Everything we're forced to leave untouched. The life we could've had if we'd had a chance to explore it. The connection that's been growing between us, we're not allowed to reach for. All of this will only exist in the quiet corners of our minds. Spending every hour of every day since I arrived here was probably a big mistake, because I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye.
West, Beau, and Haze. We're the story that never gets written. All because I liked a boy once and decided I owed it to myself to at least try with him. With someone. Well, thatboyand I never worked out, and I feel like I'm being punished for it.They live in my fucking town.Close enough to touch. Too far to ever hold. And it won't be because we didn't want it.
Tears sting my eyes, and I squeeze them shut because crying won't help.
“I will talk to him,” Haze says, but I shake my head.
