My heart did a little somersault and rolled down the hill in terror. I used to feel calm in his presence, knowing he’d lost a friend when I’d lost a father. But now, there was tension when there should be comfort, uncertainty when familial bonds should never feel uncertain. “Show him in.”
A minute later, he emerged in his uniform, my family crest in the center, a vine that sported blossoms of various flowers from different species. The material was dark blue, and the flowers were stitched with silver thread. He approached the table and helped himself to the seat to my right, his breath immediately escaping as vapor because of the cold, dry air. He looked at the view of the wilds and then the city beyond, like he hadn’t seen it a hundred times. “I apologize for my behavior the other night. I was far more forward?—”
“Aggressive is a better word. And rude.”
He stilled slightly, like those words burned him like hot tea spilled out of the kettle. But then he recovered, wearing a smile that seemed forced and restrained at the same time. “You’re right. I lost my temper, and it won’t happen again.” He turned to look at me directly, his eyes guarded. “But I stand by everything I said. The crown has been in your family for many generations, and to relinquish it to a stranger is a disgrace to your ancestors and future descendants.”
“You said you admired my defiance.”
“Yes, I admire it,” he said. “But it won’t get you what you want.”
I was born of high privilege and wealth, but somehow, I was trapped with no resources or options.
“I wish it could be different, but it simply can’t. This is the only way.”
“Does it not disgust you to marry a girl you watched grow into a woman? To marry a woman you view as a niece?”
“It does not,” he said calmly. “Because it’s an alliance and a partnership. It’s not romantic in nature, simply a unified front.”
“But what about you? You’ve never wanted to marry?”
His eyes remained on mine with strength, but I saw a hesitation in his eyes. “My time has come and gone.”
“That’s not true. Love can happen at any time.”
“My time has gone, Hanne.”
I’d never seen him with a woman. Never heard my father talk about his love life. He was always alone, having no tether to anyone except my father. I never questioned it, always too young to put much thought into it, but now that I was an adult with amarriage proposal on the table, I considered it with great depth. “Does that bother you?”
His gaze took in the landscape once again, his blue eyes brilliant in the sun. “Sometimes. But you can’t have it all—and I’ve had enough.” After a heavy moment of scenery appreciation, he turned back to me. “You can’t rule a kingdom with a selfish heart. Your father was the most selfless man I ever knew, and that was why he was a great king. That was why he was a great father to you, especially after your mother was gone. He always put you and his people before himself. So, if you’re to be queen, you must be selfless too. You could put the kingdom and crown in jeopardy if you choose to wait around for a love that may never come.”
A gust of wind blew over the castle and tousled my hair for a brief moment. A strand whipped into the crack between my lips and stayed there until I pulled it free. My heart suddenly felt heavy and empty at the same time. Hope drained from cuts I’d never carved. I bled from wounds I couldn’t feel. I felt all my hopes and dreams for the future fly away on the wind and disappear. “You’re right.”
He studied my face, studied my blue eyes known as the Barclay Blue, the Royal Cobalt. Jawlines and hair color and face shapes varied throughout the years in my family, but the cobalt eyes never faded out of our blood. They seemed to be an aggressive and dominant trait that always won against other options.
Perhaps I was just a naïve girl with her head in the clouds. It was foolish to believe a great love would come to me, a love story that burned hotter than those on the pages that filled in my books. That he would love only me, wouldn’t have mistresses in secret, that his love for me would endure the way mine would for him. My parents’ love was a model to me, but I reminded myself Ionly knew of their love in stories. I’d never witnessed it with my own eyes, and like all stories, aspects could be exaggerated or changed altogether. My youth would die as age crept in, so would my husband’s love die for me too? Would he replace me with someone thirty years younger? All the fears and insecurities came to the forefront and masked the haze of my daydreams. “I’ll marry you.”
He gave no reaction, like he’d expected those words to come. He lacked the air of victory and enthusiasm that should be expected of a man once he earned his bride. But it was a solemn acceptance because neither of us wanted it. “Together, we will rule as a mighty king and queen. You have my blade, my wisdom, and my loyalty. I understand this is not the ideal situation for either of us, but the prosperity of your lineage and rulership is imperative. This decision shows greater depth than I credited to you.” He placed his hand on the table, palm up, his eyes as soft as a rose petal and full of despair.
I stared at the lines in his palm, the calluses from quills and hilts, the lines that marked the passage of years. With wisdom carved into the little lines around his eyes and mouth, he wasn’t suitable to be my husband, but he was suitable to help me rule a kingdom.
A kingdom that belonged to me.
PROLOGUE III
HANNE
Vulgaris was right—the Ring of Elders approved the match immediately.
It was announced to the kingdom and the people, and because my birthday was just days away, I was fitted for a wedding dress immediately, the handmaids working tirelessly to make my gown in record time. A royal wedding was usually given months of preparation, but all activities in the kingdom were halted to accommodate the feast and the flowers and all the items we would need to put on the event.
I didn’t see my completed dress until the day of my wedding. The maids hung it on the mirror in my room, the fabric sewn with a collection of flowers, of roses and lilies, everything that bloomed in the gardens all year-round. The sleeves were layered like the petals of a rose, and a sheer lace overlay covered the gown, making it possible to see the beautiful floral designs underneath. A slit in the shape of a rose had been cut in the middle to showcase my stomach as I walked down the aisle. The neckline would highlight my cleavage and the bare skin over my sternum.It was beautiful and sexy and…I wished I were wearing it for someone other than him.
I put it on, and Kendra and the other girls styled my hair, placing a flower crown upon my head from what they had plucked in the greenhouse, the prized flowers we used to fill the vases in the castle to chase away the winter blues.
I looked at myself in the mirror, never feeling more beautiful in my life.
And never more depressed.
