Her face hardened in an attempt to hide her emotions, to act like that meant nothing to her, when it definitely affected her in some way. Allegra was usually superficial in her emotions, always wearing them right on her sleeve, but now she shuttered her expression. “The second someone new shows up, you turn your head? That’s all it takes?”
This conversation would happen whether I liked it or not, and I’d rather it not take place for everyone to hear. I stepped away from the door and moved deeper into the cabin so she would follow me.
She came in and shut the door behind her before she faced me, that same hardness masking the emotion underneath.
My patience had shattered a while ago, but I forced an attempt at calm. Not just in consideration of her feelings, but because I was the chief and was held to a higher standard. “What did I promise you, Allegra? Because I don’t recall making any.”
“We were together?—”
“We were fucking. The sex was good, so the fucking continued. That’s it.”
Her eyes started to water. “If we had more time…”
“My feelings wouldn’t have changed, Allegra. If Hanne had never joined us, this would still be over. My feelings for you have never been deeper than the flesh.”
She quickly turned her head like that would hide the wound I’d just left.
“Don’t blame her for something she didn’t do.”
She took a breath. Then another. Her lips pressed tightly together in a thin line to lock her emotion away. “I see the way you look at her.” She refused to look at me, focusing on the stones of the fireplace.
“We’ll never be hungry again because of her, Allegra.”
“That has nothing to do with it, and you know it.” Her anger seemed to give her the confidence to look at me again. “You’re going to stand there and pretend it isn’t true? A woman always knows when her man is thinking of someone else.”
I held her stare and searched for the right response. “What do you want from me, Allegra?”
“I want to know why.”
“I don’t love you.”
“No. I want to know whyher.”
“We aren’t together.”
“But I know you want her.”
“Fuck, Allegra.” The last piece of rope slipped from my hand, and now I was untethered. “What difference does it make? If I tell you I desire her body and her mind, would that make you feel better? Would that make this personal intrusion stop?”
Her breathing had quickened, and her eyes began to water.
She’d put the dagger in my hand and forced it into her own heart, but I still felt responsible for the wound.
She was too proud to cry in front of me, so she blinked a couple times to combat the swell of tears. “If you have to fight a woman for a man, he’s not worth fighting for.” Her eyes were elsewhere as she spoke, as if recalling the phrase from the past.
“There’s truth in those words.”
She looked at me again, this time with pained defeat. It seemed like she might say something more, but instead, she turned around and left my cabin—hopefully for the last time.
I walked past the Gathering to the tilled earth that would be used for the garden. Hanne was on her knees in the dirt, while Caius and Liam continued to dig the trenches in the soil with their wooden shovels. They seemed to work in comfortable silence, ready to plant the additional seeds that Hanne was able to harvest from a portion of the root vegetables we’d excavated from the forest.
She dug a small hole in the dirt with her shovel, dropped a couple seeds inside, and then compacted the dirt with the back of the shovel. Her hands were caked in earth, and she had someon her cheek, as if she’d wiped the sweat from her forehead with her forearm and smudged the dirt along the way.
I stood there and watched, waiting for her to finish before I interrupted her.
When she needed to stretch her legs, she stood, placed her hands on her hips, and watched the guys work. It took a moment for her to notice me, and when she did, she had this recognition in her eyes, excitement and fear mixed together.
Whenever I looked at her eyes, my stare was locked in place, more absorbed in their color with every glance. Time seemed to stand still whenever I was in her presence. I considered her one of us, but I also continued to view her as a star that fell from the sky. I’d turned my back on her and fled, and if I’d succeeded, I would have doomed my people. Good thing she was too smart to get left behind.
