“The mother would raise them.”
“And you think I’d want that either?”
She continued to cry, harder now, as I said all the things she didn’t want to hear.
“I’m not going to make a baby with a woman I don’t even love. Just for her to risk her life birthing a child I don’t even want. Just for him to grow up and get his eyes carved out of his fucking face?—”
She gasped and cupped her mouth with her hand.
I knew I’d taken it too far, and I clenched my eyes shut to block out the horror. I should apologize for what I said, but I couldn’tdo it, couldn’t do it because I meant every word. “Allegra needs to find someone else to be her partner, because it won’t be me.”
I headed back to the Gathering, the light from the bonfire becoming more brilliant the closer I approached. The sound of conversation was loud and packed with excited energy because of the impending meal. We hadn’t eaten properly in nearly a month, and my people had succumbed to the misery of the daily hunger pangs. I’d gone numb a long time ago, so I hardly noticed them.
The guys placed the carcasses on the tables and began to prepare the meat, while the women stood around, most of them visibly pregnant and on the verge of childbirth. The food couldn’t have come at a better time.
My intention was to return to my cabin and let the anger subside in my veins, but I was anxious and hungry. And I wanted to see the fruits of my labor, see my people happy instead of drenched in misery.
My eyes searched the crowd around the bonfire, but then dark hair came into my peripheral, along with green eyes. My sight adjusted to the foreground, and then Allegra’s features became visible.
The last person I wanted to see.
“You’re hurt.” Her eyes went down to the bandages on my exposed arms. She reached for my flesh.
“I’m fine.” The bite in my tone made her immediately withdraw.
Her eyes snapped back to mine.
The ferocity poured out of me and packed into my stare. If we weren’t surrounded by the people I was obligated to lead, I would speak with viciousness rather than angry silence.
Her stare cowered and her features tightened. “Thank you for bringing this to us. It’s exactly what we needed.”
My eyes flicked past her, and I saw Caius preparing one of the dogs. The others worked to prepare the stew. Laughter accompanied the work, everyone excited for the feast about to ensue. They were cheerful, like we’d won a war when we hadn’t even won a battle. A victory was immortal, but this meal was temporary. We would feel nourished for a week, but then we’d be right back to where we started.
“You spoke to your mother…”
My eyes continued to search for the prominent blue eyes that showed strength and fear simultaneously. But they were nowhere to be found.
“You know I lost my mother in the war. And your mother has always been a great substitute.”
“She can be a substitute all you want. But I’m not up for discussion.”
Hanne finally emerged from the path, carrying a bundle wrapped in linen. She moved to an empty table and gently placed the contents on the surface. A couple potatoes rolled away, and she caught them before they dropped to the earth. She took a seat and started to clean them with the linen, like she’d just washed them off with the water from the lake. Without instruction, she immediately became one of us, offeringher contribution freely. She grabbed a knife from the table and started to prepare the root vegetables and extract the seeds we would need to plant our own crops.
Allegra continued to stare at me. “I understand you’re under great stress. It eats at you every day?—”
“Then perhaps you shouldn’t create more stress for me.” My eyes remained on Hanne, watching her chop the vegetables like she’d done this before. She was responsible for this whole evening. I might have killed the wolves, but we never would have found them without her. “Perhaps you shouldn’t tell my mother everything I’ve shared with you in confidence.”
Allegra skipped right over that, refusing to take accountability for the betrayal. “I understand you need more time. That’s fine, I can wait.”
“More time?” I moved my eyes back to her. “Time is a luxury none of us has. A promise of a lifetime wouldn’t change my decision. Allegra, find someone else. My decision won’t change.”
“But I want you?—”
“Too fucking bad.” My eyes moved back to Hanne, seeing her make piles of the seeds that were separate from the vegetables she sliced. “We’re done, Allegra.”
Her eyes flicked back and forth between mine in disbelief. Then she looked over her shoulder and followed my gaze, seeing Hanne sitting alone at the table while everyone else helped with the meat. Her stare lingered for a while before she slowly turned back to me. Nothing was said, but her anger was suddenly palpable.
So palpable that it made me look at her again.
