‘What happened?’ she said. ‘Was the hospital hit? Are you hurt? Why are you here? You need to be looked after.’
Her questions were coming too fast for me to follow. I put my dusty head against the back of the sofa and began to cry.
‘Oh, Elsie,’ Mrs Gold said. ‘Oh my dear girl. It’s all over now. It’s over and you’re all right.’
I nodded silently, still crying.
‘Was it awful?’ she asked, putting her arm around me. ‘Were there many injured? Oh Lord, is Nelly all right?’
I breathed in deeply. ‘Nelly’s dead.’
Mrs Gold gasped and tears sprang into her eyes. ‘Oh no. I’m so sorry, Elsie.’
How to explain? I looked at her. ‘Do you remember you told me you would do whatever you could to help me?’
‘Of course.’
‘I need your help now.’
‘Tell me.’
Slowly I began to explain about how Nelly had made her request in the pages of the book, and I’d agreed.
‘It was a terrible thing to do,’ I said. ‘A terrible thing.’
Mrs Gold shook her head. ‘It was the right thing to do. She was suffering dreadfully and she wasn’t ever going to get better. You were merciful.’ She patted my hand. ‘I think you’re very brave.’
‘That’s not all of it, though.’
Her eyes widened as I told her about Jackson watching.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t think he’d be there,’ I said, my voice shrill. ‘He’s always there. He’s everywhere I go. He told me he’d watched Harry and me. Together.’
‘That awful man,’ Mrs Gold said, her face pale in the early morning light. ‘There’s something off about him. I’ve always said so.’
‘He scares me,’ I admitted. ‘He scares me so much.’
‘What did he say when you saw him after Nelly … after she’d gone?’
‘He said he’d seen everything and he had proof. He had the book.’ I swallowed. ‘He made me go down to the boiler room with him. It’s where Harry and I … you know.’
‘Did he hurt you?’
Bitter bile filled my mouth as I thought about being trapped in the room with Jackson. ‘A bit,’ I said. ‘He told me we were going to get married. He said I was a slut and that he was going to tell everyone what I did to Nelly.’ My words were coming fast, falling over each other as I remembered. ‘He said I was going to hang for what I’d done. Unless I … unless I let him …’
Mrs Gold took my face in her hands and made me look at her. ‘Did he rape you, Elsie?’
Slowly I shook my head. ‘I think he was going to. But the bomb fell.’
‘And where is he now? Is he alive?’
‘They got him out. He was breathing.’
‘Where’s the book?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said desperately. ‘I don’t know. It was in the room with us. Maybe Jackson still has it, maybe not. Maybe the ARP squad will find it. And then everyone will know.’
I stood up, wincing as pain shot up my leg from my ankle. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ I said, running my fingers through my gritty hair and watching dust drift down to the rug. ‘I don’t know how to make this better. Perhaps I should go to the police station and tell them everything? Tell them what I did.’
