She stopped herself, realizing what she was about to say.
“Exactly. Ari, you are a good girl who hasn’t seen half of what I have in my life. So if you would kill someone for your child, just imagine what a nigga like me would do about mine.”
She didn’t have a response; she just stared at me in disbelief, and I could see the realization really covering her face.
“Proctor, this is a lot okay. This is a whole lot to deal with, and I feel like I can’t breathe right now.”
I held my hand up to her chest.
“It feels like your heart is beating just fine, baby, so calm down and listen to me. Alright?”
I wiped the tears from her face with the back of my hand.
“Look, we haven’t even taken the test for our daughter, and there might be a slim chance that she’s not mine, but let’s just say that she isn’t. You really wanted to deal with those people for the rest of your life? You really wanted to deal with the circus and the pressure of letting our daughter see them. The judgment they would give you for keeping their dead family member's baby away, or even for being with me? They did nothing but harass you from what you just told me, and that is no way to live. That shit was never going to stop, and it was never going to end well.”
She shook her head.
“But did you really have to?”
I put my finger over her lips to stop her words.
“It’s over, Ari. That chapter of your life is closed, and you get to truly move on and be fuckin happy. You didn’t lose anyone who gave a fuck about you. Think of it this way. Would they drop to their knees and cry if it were you who was dead?”
She shook her head slowly, still staring at me.
I didn’t know if she was in shock, pissed that I was keeping it real, or hurtbecauseI kept it real. She just shook her head while I stood over her for a while, and I was being patient with her. Letting her work through her feelings, because I know not everyone is as ruthless as me. Not everyone can be so desensitized to death.
“Proctor, I pray like hell this doesn’t come back and affect me in any way.”
“It won’t come back on you. Trust me. Because it won’t come back on me either.”
She swallowed hard.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You do know. The problem is you don’t want to accept the relief you are about to feel.
I leaned closer.
“I’m not going to say I’m some perfect gentleman. I know who I’ve been. I know my past. But I fuck with you, and I want to keep fucking with you. Especially if we got a kid together.”
She stayed quiet.
“So don’t text that bitch back. And if you do, send condolences and move the fuck on because you don’t know what happened.”
She nodded slowly, surprisingly without a rebuttal.
I helped her off the ground and pulled her in towards me, holding her tight. I’m sure physical touch meant more to her right now than words ever could.
“Now, get yourself together, however long it takes, and finish getting dressed. Then we are going over to the airport, getting on a flight to D.C., and I am going to finally meet my baby girl.”
“You serious?”
“Of course, I am. It’s been too long already anyway. I’m about to book us a redeye, and hopefully we can get there before nightfall. I want to take her to Chucky Cheese or some shit.”
She still had tears drying up on her face, but a smile crept through.
“Okay, that’s fine. I miss her anyway.”
