The door opens behind me.
“Mara? It’s Talon. Are you okay?”
No. I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay in months, maybe years. Maybeever.
“Go away,” I manage.
“Not happening. Let me in.”
“I said go away, Talon.”
“And I said not happening.”
Part of me wants to scream at him to leave, to let me fall apart in private. But a bigger part needs him here. Needs the reminder that I’m not alone in this.
He slips inside, closing the door behind him, and the room plunges into near-darkness until there’s just the thin line of light from under the door. Enough to see outlines but not details.
“Who am I killing tonight?”
“I can’t—” I start, then stop because the words won’t come. My thoughts are racing too fast, jumping from topic to topic, and I can’t hold onto any of them long enough to form coherent sentences.
The questions about Chase.
The lies I had to tell.
The cameras.
The performance.
The mask that’s slipping.
The spiral.
The—
“Mara.” Talon’s hands are on my shoulders now, grounding me. “Breathe with me. In for four, hold for four, out for four.”
“I can’t—My brain won’t—It’s going too fast?—”
“I know; I can see it. You’re spiraling.”
“I’m not?—”
But I am.God, I am.
The manic edge—the one they medicated me for. The one I’ve been managing without the pills.
But right now, in this dark room, with Talon’s hands on my shoulders and my heart trying to beat out of my chest, I’m not managing anything.
“You are, and that’s okay, but I need you to come back to me.” His hands slide from my shoulders to cup my face, forcing me to look at him even in the darkness. “Can you do that? Can you come back?”
“They keep asking about Chase,” I blurt out, words tumbling over each other. “Everyone. Where is he? When’s the wedding? Have I heard from him? Am I worried? And I have to lie. I haveto keep lying and smiling and pretending I’m waiting for him when he’s dead, Talon. He’s dead and I helped and I don’t regret it but I can’t—I can’t keep?—”
“Shh. I know. I know, Princess.” He pulls me against his chest, one hand cradling the back of my head. “You’re doing so good. So fucking good. But right now, I need you to stop thinking about them and focus on me.”
“I can’t stop?—”
“Yes, you can. You’re going to focus on me, Mara. Just me. Nothing else exists right now except you and me in this room.”
