The officiant Barbie wore a tiny suit that someone — Jules, obviously Jules — had tailored by hand.
“Friends and family,” Jules’s voice said, in a pitch-perfect impression of Everett’s reception cadence, “I am deeply honored to be here.”
The room took approximately four seconds to understand what they were watching. Then it erupted.
The blonde bride Barbie was one of the plus-size ones and had a small fur wrap made from what appeared to be a cotton ball. The groom Ken had been given a tiny dark green vest. There was a dachshund toy at the end of the aisle pulling a sleigh the size of a matchbox, which of course led to another plus-size Barbie with brown hair and an exact replica of Jules’s best man suit in a dark shade of green, complementing plus-size red-headed Penelope Barbie’s green maid-of-honor dress. The crowd, several of whom were at this point wearing jerseys and holding plushies, was completely losing it.
“I can’t,” I said, into Declan’s shoulder.
“Look,” he said. “She made the snow globe.”
She had. There was a small dome over the ceremony, Northern Lights projected inside it via what appeared to be a flashlight covered in green cellophane. Someone near the back of the room let out an actual wail of delight.
The vows were delivered with complete sincerity by Jules, doing both voices, switching sides slightly for each character.I’d expected silly voices. Parody vows. Jules being Jules. But this girl took her role as Best Jules seriously in everything, apparently including Barbie reenactments of her brother’s secret mountain wedding. When Groom Ken placed the ring on Bride Barbie’s finger, three hundred people cheered.
“By the power invested in me by the internet and the great state of Colorado,” Jules-as-Everett intoned, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss that girl.”
Groom Declan-Ken and Bride Kelsey-Barbie were pressed together in a very respectable dolly kiss.
A roar from the crowd.
The End, read the final card.Congratulations Declan and Kelsey. You’re welcome. Love, Jules.
P.S. I am available for all future wedding reenactments. Reasonable rates.
P.P.S. Declan you owe me for the reindeer.
P.P.P.S. I still don’t know where you’re going on your honeymoon and I find this deeply disrespectful.
I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. Next to me, Declan had his face arranged in the careful neutral of a man experiencing significant feelings and choosing not to show them, except that his eyes were bright and his hand was warm and solid in mine, and I knew every version of him by now.
He was having the time of his life.
The lights came back up and he took the microphone from the DJ, which nobody had apparently expected, including me, because the room went immediately and completely quiet in the way rooms did when Declan Kingman decided to speak.
“I want to thank everyone for being here,” he said. “If you’re in this room, you mean something to us. Both of us.” He paused, in the way he did when he had something specific to say and was making sure he said it right. “The press spent a lot of timethis year wondering if my wife was going to change her name.” Another pause. “They never considered the alternative.”
He reached into the into one of the swag gift bags just like everyone here had received and pulled out the lightweight jersey many were wearing.
He shook it out showing off the BEST KINGMAN. Number 98.
The room took it in.Declan said, into the microphone, completely calm, “Yes, I am changing my name, and I expect all of you to be wearing my fan jerseys before next season even starts to let the whole world know.”
From somewhere near the bar, the band of Mustang Kingman’s raised their glasses. Except Chris. Until sweet baby Hayes, smacked him in the chest.
Declan found me with his eyes across the noise. I could see him working not to smile, which was his version of smiling, which was my favorite thing in the world.
I walked to my husband and kissed him in front of three hundred people and a lot of cameras and I did not care even a little bit.
“Declan Best Kingman,” I said against his mouth.
“Kelsey Best,” he said back. “My wife.”
The rest of the night was exactly what it was supposed to be. Loud and warm and full of people I loved and people I was still learning to love and the specific joy of a party thrown for you where for once you were actually present enough to feel it. I danced until my feet hurt. Declan danced exactly as much as he was willing to dance, which was enough. Sara Jayne caught me near the end of the night and held my face in both hands without saying anything, and I understood all of it.
The movie star taught Pooh a trick involving the plushie that I didn’t entirely follow but that resulted in Pooh carryingthe plushie around the room in her mouth for twenty minutes, which Isak filmed from four different angles.
After that, my little Pooh found Bridger, who lifted her up into his arms. Her cute wiggly butt snuggled right into him and she promptly fell asleep. Guess that last costume change into her tutu would have to wait.
