He was quiet for a second, and so was I. I couldn’t say anything if I wanted to. Not past the grief-sized rock in my throat.
“I was the meanest player in the league. The press called me everything but a good man. And your mother looked up at me like she wasn’t even a little bit scared.” He glanced over at me, the corner of his mouth turning. “I was a dead man from the second she looked at me.”
“That’s exactly how Kelsey looks at me.” I said.
“I know.” He smiled at me and looked back at the valley.
“I proposed to her up there.” He nodded toward the mountain, toward the top where mom’s cabin sat. “She’d bought that little wreck of a place and she was going to fix it up, she had all these plans, and she used to say?—“
He stopped and swallowed, then gave his lips and bearded jaw a small, slow swipe.
“She used to say if you can’t fix it with duct tape, it can’t be fixed.” He said it quietly, like he was handing me something fragile. “She believed that about everything. Houses. People. Love.” He paused. “She would have loved Kelsey, Declan. She would have thought Kelsey was the funniest, most extraordinary thing.”
“I told you on Thanksgiving,” I said quietly. “That I felt like Mom picked her out and sent her my way.”
He nodded. “I’ve been thinking about that ever since.” He looked over at me. “I think you’re right. I think she absolutely did. And I think she’s been watching you figure that out, real pleased with herself about it too.”
“At all of our big family events, from graduations to weddings,” he said. “every time were celebrating, there’s a moment when I look around for her. Just for a second, the way you look for something you’ve set down somewhere and can’t find.” He breathed out slowly. “It never stops.”
Missing my mom never went away for any of us. We’d lost our mother far too young. But he’d lost the love of his life, and knowing how much I loved Kelsey, I didn’t know how he did it. How he went on and held our hold damn family together.
“But I want you to know, that doesn’t make me sad, for the most part. Because I look around and I see what she built. All of you. Every one of you ridiculous, wonderful idiots.” He glanced at me. “And I think she knows.”
I had to look at the sky for a second.
“She used to talk about your weddings,” he said. “When you were all small. She’d say, Bridger, when Declan finds someone, she’s going to have to be tough enough to handle all that quiet of his. She’s going to have to know how to get through it.” He smiled. “She said only a person who felt things very deeply could be that quiet about it.”
I kept looking at the sky. That had to be the reason my eyes were wet. Rain. Or snow. Definitely not tears.
“That cabin up there,” he said, nodding again toward the peak. “She said she knew she was going to marry me because the mountain showed her who I really was when all the other noise fell away.” He looked at me steadily. “You proposed to Kelsey there. You’re getting married here. Your mother’s fingerprints are all over this day, son, even if you can’t see them.”
I cleared my throat.
“You got a tissue or a hanky or something?” I asked.
My dad laughed. A real one, low and warm.
“Not a chance,” he said. “Manly tears of joy are to be appreciated for what they are, kid.” He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in for the kind of hug that was over too fast but landed for a long time after. “Your mother picked the right one for you. You know it, and she knows it too.” He let go and straightened his jacket. “Now pull yourself together. You’ve got a wedding to get to.”
We headed back up the path.
“Has anyone seen Jessica?” Great Aunt Yvaine called from somewhere near the tent entrance. “She went back up to the hotel for my shawl. I thought she was on the other bus.”
Nobody had seen Jessica.
Isak’s voice came from right beside me. Low and urgent.
“Declan.”
I looked at him. He was facing the road, and there was something on his face I hadn’t seen before on him. Something that looked a lot like awe.
“She’s here.”
BABY, IT'S COLD INSIDE?
KELSEY
The thing nobody tells you about being surprised by your own wedding is that your brain just flat out refuses to process it in real time.
