But now.Now. She wasHazel.
No longer harmless. No longer ignorable.
Utterly, devastatingly unforgettable.
I called it. I knew this trip would be either amazing or brutal. Now, it was clear. It would be unbearable. I couldn’t even avoid her. Not that I wanted to.
When she talked, even about the things that usually wouldn’t excite me, it was her I was watching. It was like witnessing lifeitself breathe through her. Nothing could stop her from living and enjoying it—not her parents, not death, not life itself. She’d find joy in the coldest of seasons, in the scariest of situations. Find something worth seeing, something good in the worst people. Who wouldn’t want a friend like that?
That’s what she was. A friend. And if I wanted to stay her friend, I’d have to put all my energy into not seeing her as anything but that.
If only there was a way to separate the things I wanted to know about her from all the things I wanted to do to her.
18
Luke
I woke up from the pain in my back. This was worse than the couch.Where the hell was I?
I opened my eyes, but the sun was so bright it blinded me. I groaned and shut them again as a headache joined the misery. When I finally looked around, I realized I was on a sun lounger, curled up like a pretzel. In just my boxers.
“Well, good morning.”
A loud voice sent a fresh wave of pain through my skull. I instinctively covered my ears, only to feel something on my head. A yellow sunhat.
I looked up, and Norah was holding a cup of coffee, looking at me with a smug look.
“What happened to you?”
“What the hell is this?” I took off the hat, avoiding the question.
“I put it on so you wouldn’t get a heat stroke. Why are you here?”
I got up, took her cup, and walked past her, only to realize two things. One, her cup was already empty, and two, all my friends were in the kitchen, staring at me. I scanned the crowd and noticed Hazel wasn’t part of it.Thank God.
Yesterday’s events hit me like a train. I quickly pulled on my shorts.
“Someone’s cranky. Did party boy party too hard?” Ethan was clinking his fork against his plate like a fucking lunatic. Okay, maybe sensory overload was to blame here.
“Give me some aspirin,” I muttered, slumping at the counter. Summer went upstairs for her medicine bag, just as Hazel camedown. Her legs had caught some sun, her face slightly flushed, making her tiny freckles stand out.
Was it flushed from the sun or the filthy things she did to herself yesterday?
Memories flooded my imagination, making me shift uncomfortably. I had to get a grip. I couldn’t be around her if I couldn’t control myself. The exhaustion wasn’t helping. I was relieved we had no big plans today.
A cheerful ‘Hi’filled the room, and everyone greeted her back.
God, please, let me get through this breakfast at least.
Hazel took the seat next to mine, and I cursed at myself again. Then she smiled at me, a soft‘Good morning’tugging at my heartstrings. I froze.
“I need to pee,” I blurted and bolted from my chair.
“Thanks,” Ethan yelled dramatically, dropping his fork in disgust.
I fled to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. My body felt like it was on fire again, and it was getting hard to breathe. It was ridiculous, like a fucking PTSD, only Hazel was the trigger. A minute ago, I’d yelled about my pee in her face. I splashed cold water on my face and took five deep breaths. Just stay away from her today. It’ll pass.
I stayed there for a moment longer and finally returned to the kitchen, where they were all joyful and cracking up at Logan’s impersonation of someone. A plate of omelet and veggies appeared in front of me, along with a pill in my hand.
