“Look at us,” she chuckled. “Who knew?!”
We laughed at the irony of it, toasting to our new lives as though bidding farewell to our old ones, just as my phone buzzed.
“Luke Davis.”
“Luke? It’s Mady.” The urgency in her voice hit me like a jolt. “Hazel’s in trouble.”
46
Hazel
Fear.
It was a feeling I’ve never associated with Jackson. With him, pain had never come with bruises, only the quiet sting of silence, dismissal, the absence of being seen. But when his hand smashed through the window, blood streaking the shards as he forced his way in, I was terrified.
“Hazel, you can’t ignore me forever,” he slurred.
“Jackson, what the hell are you doing? Leave.” Panic cracked through my voice.
“No. Not until you talk to me.”
“We have nothing to talk about. We broke up.”
My mind was running in a hundred directions, but I went over my options one by one. Mady knew I was in trouble, but she was abroad. Thomas had probably turned off his phone. Luke was my only real shot at getting help, but a dozen things could’ve gone wrong: maybe he didn’t pick up unknown numbers, maybe he wasn’t in the city himself, maybe he was still working and didn’t have time to answer. Maybe he was on a date. Ugh. That one hurt more than the fact that I was in danger.
“Hazel,sweetheart,” I flinched, disgusted. He had no right to call me that anymore. The word felt wrong coming from his mouth. “This is ridiculous,” he went on. “You dump me, then avoid me, change apartments, don’t talk to me.”
He stepped closer. I tried to put as many obstacles as I could between us, but there was as much square footage in this place as my one-bedroom apartment. The best I could do was consider throwing milk cartons at him.
“Wedidtalk. I told you I didn’t want to be with you anymore, and you didn’t even consider what I had to say seriously.”
“Because itwasn’tserious. Have I been abusive to you? Have I ever hit you? Yelled at you?”
I felt anger starting to build up inside me. I had never yelled at him, but all the frustration climbed up and formed a bubble in my chest. Every time I tried to talk to him, he dismissed me. He didn’t care. Bitches be crazy, or whatever was in his head.
And still... he was in pain. I could see it tangled behind his eyes. And despite everything, I didn’t want to add to his pain. So I did what I’d always done—I tucked away my own hurt and tried to meet him with softness one last time.
“Jackson, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but this has to stop. You can’t follow me around, stalk me.”
His eyes shifted, something angry and wounded flashing behind them. For the first time, I worried he might actually hurt me. The Jackson I knew was gone. Now he was a dangerous, drunk man in front of me, not takingnofor an answer.
“It’s not fair,” he shouted, spittle flying. “You don’t get to play with people’s feelings.”
He kicked a chair in his way, and it crashed across the room. I jumped, heart hammering.
Okay. This is a real danger now.
But alongside the fear, I was angry, too. At his words. His accusations.
“Iplayed with your feelings?!” I could hardly force the words out, but I stood firm, refusing to let him twist my truth. I tried to keep it together, but my mind erupted in a chaotic swirl of moments we shared, each one highlighting how blind he remained to the pieces of me shattered right beside him.
“For months, I was scared. Alone,” I hissed. “I was doing my best not to fall apart, taking care of my mom. I was tired, Jackson. And empty. So empty, I didn’t recognize myselfanymore. I told you my deepest insecurities—about my mom, my dad, how much I missed him, how much I asked for help from him, and you... you didn’t care.”
I saw something more in his eyes—an ache, a wince. But it was too late. All that silence, all that hurt, finally had a voice. I had to choose, and for the first time, I chose to be kind to myself and let the pain go.
“You threw yourself into work. And those rare instances when we interacted, you were annoyed that I wasn’t as happy as I used to be.” I swallowed hard, my chest tight, heartbeat hammering.
“I was devastated. Broken. And you left me alone. You pretended it was no big deal.” My voice cracked, but I forced myself to say the whole truth. “I begged for your love, your support for so long until I couldn’t anymore. When Ifuckingneeded you the most, you chose not to be there.”
