“Hey,” she said softly. Her smile was like warm milk. Or heroin. Instant gratification.
“Hi.” The silence with her felt comfortable. “I needed some fresh air,” I smiled back, offering an excuse for my disappearance. I didn’t have to. We were both at the table.
“Me too,” she said, lifting her arms off the railing. My heart skipped a beat. She shouldn’t be there.
“It’s a bit dangerous on the ledge. Want to come inside?” I cleared my throat, trying to sound unbothered, though sweat trickled down my spine.
Hazel grinned, glancing down. “It’s not that high.” She got up, and I tensed. Like a lion before pouncing on its prey. Why was she doing that?
“Hazel.” My voice dropped, warning her. “Get down from there. Now.” But she only smiled wider, teasing me. I searched my memories, trying to remember if she was drinking at the restaurant.
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. You’re just a chicken,” Her voice was playful. Soft enough that I knew not to take it personally. Her words didn’t bother me, though. It was her choice to walk the railing. My heart pounded. She didn’t seem drunk or uncoordinated, but with her next step, while searching for balance, she leaned too far left, and... NO!
I lunged, yanking her hard toward me. Hazel fell into my arms, and I locked her in a grip so tight it felt like holding on was the only thing keeping me together.
Stupid, stupid girl.
Hazel’s delightful laughter sliced the air. I let out a shaky breath but refused to let go. After a moment that felt like an eternity, her hands slid to my shoulders and, slowly but firmly, pressed into the tight knots. My muscles loosened under her touch, and I couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through me as an intense wave of relief began to spread.
Why did it feel like this?
The sensation was quiet, growing steadily, curling through me in tiny, almost imperceptible motions.
“Haze...” I exhaled, pleading, surrendering, lost at what was happening to me all of a sudden, but no coherent thought came. I couldn’t explain why my chest felt lighter, why my shoulders,for the first time in years, didn’t carry the weight I thought was permanent.
My frame softened against her, tilting into her almost involuntarily, incredulous at how effortlessly she seemed to make sense of me. Reading me, following the bolt of pleasure in my muscles, and adjusting her touch as she went.
“I know,” she said softly. Instinctively, I buried my head into the crook of her neck, my arms tightening around her small frame almost against my will, getting lost in her scent. I wanted to push it away, to rationalize it, to remind myselfI’m not supposed to feel this. I don’t need this. I don’t need anyone to fix me.And yet, my body betrayed me, relaxing into her, seeking more.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worse.” I felt her fingertips grazing my neck now, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.
She’s safe. I’m safe, too.
I exhaled, sliding my arms along her back. She made a sound that I realized just now, I wanted to chase forever.
I felt her breath.
I felt her kindness, and I felt her heart.
“You never make me feel worse,” I murmured, brushing my lips along her jaw, tucking her hair behind her ear to expose her neck. Hazel sighed. My lips slowly found hers, and I pressed my forehead against hers.
Hazel’s fingers slipped under my collar, which felt like heaven. We swayed in the evening lights, lost in our own world. Somewhere in the distance, people were chattering, cars honking, but we could’ve been the last two people in the world. I wouldn’t have noticed the difference.
I took her hand in mine, our bodies moving together to the non-existent music, every part of me touching her. A breezelifted her hair, her scent overwhelming me. My fingers pressed into her back as we danced, tugging her closer.
“I’m sorry... for tonight,” I whispered.
“You don’t have to be,” she said, her breath tickling my neck. She smelled clean and fresh. Some of her hair was still damp.
I snuck my hand under her oversized T-shirt, caressing her bare skin. She felt safe. She felt like home.
“Were you in the shower?” I put a light kiss on her jaw, and she shivered. I loved it.
“Yes, but I think I need another one.”
I smiled, pleased at her words. I kissed her and slowly lifted her, her legs wrapping around my body.
She was my contradiction in the most beautiful way. I ached to have her right then and there, yet wished I could pause time to stay in that moment a little longer. I wanted to leave a trace of myself on her lips so every taste afterward would remind her of me, but more than that, I wanted to just hold her. Like something the world didn’t hand out often.
