“What’s your problem?” I shot back, defensive, anger flaring even though I knew exactly why it was there.
“My problem is that you’re gonna sleep with her and dump her like you always do with your plastic dolls.”
Anger surged through me, but it had nowhere clean to go. I had no real argument against it. My blood slowly started to boil.
“Am I wrong?” he kept pressing.
“As I said,” I growled, fists clenching before I realized it, “it’s none of your fucking business. Besides, was it you or I who brought her into all this?”
“Yeah, but we didn’t know you would bring her here and actually use this chance to fuck her.”
It hit me fast. Too fast. I spun around, burning with the need to shove the words back down his throat. My hand gripped the railing instead.
“She’s an adult,” I said tightly. “She can make her own choices.”
“What a nice excuse you have found for yourself,” Ethan spat just as Norah and Summer approached, bags in hand.Great.
“What’s going on?” Summer asked, instantly on alert. I shot Ethan a deadly look, warning him to shut up. He ignored it.
“We’re talking about Hazel.”
“Oh,” Summer said flatly. “You mean how they’re sneaking around and sleeping together?” She popped a tiny plastic spoon of ice cream into her mouth, unimpressed.
“Something like that, yeah,” Ethan answered, stone-faced.
“Okay, enough,” I cut in. “There’s nothing to know about.”
“Oh, please, it’s so obvious,” Summer scoffed. Norah shot her a look. “What?!”
“Why do you even care?” I asked, my gaze shifting between them all.
“Because we actually like her, Luke,” Summer said, the rest of them nodded. “She’s kind of our friend.”
“We don’t want her to get hurt,” Norah added softly, siding with them. Of course, she was. I was the asshole here.
They were defending Hazel. I couldn’t blame them for that. I was angry for all the wrong reasons and more at myself than at them. At least Ethan had the guts to say it to my face. I didn’t even dare to have that conversation with myself.
“And you know what’s the worst part?!” Ethan went on. “You’re so gone for her, too, man. And eventually you’re gonna bail and hurt herandyourself.”
I hated him. But I hated myself more. My chest burned, breath coming too fast, and my flaring nostrils were now visible from space, but I let him bash me. Maybe I needed it. I definitely deserved it.
“You think we don’t know this is all about your parents?” Ethan suddenly lashed out, and I lost it.
“Shut the fuck up,” I yelled, shoving him hard. Summer and Norah jumped between us instantly.
“Stop it. Both of you!” Norah shouted. Then she turned to Ethan. “You—go cool down. And you—” She pointed at me next, but I was already walking away, heading down the street.
Because, of course, he was right. He was fucking right. I was already shredding my heart and dragging Hazel down with me. The thought made me sick.
Because the truth was—she was the one who mattered. To me. To all of them. And it tore me up inside that I wanted her with everything I had, but still wasn’t choosing her.
34
Hazel
We were in a car cruising toward Lisbon to meet Matthew Watson. The spring air carried a sense of happiness, the kind I felt this morning. I’d woken up to Luke watching me, his forehead creased with worry, his eyes holding something raw inside him. I didn’t get to ask him about it because I was kissed.
Hard. Desperate. And yet soft.
