Squid pushed his chair back and got up.“I should get back.”
“If you must,” Domingo said with a frown.
Squid came over and put a hand on my shoulder.“Are you all right?Hillier told me about last night…”
“Aye,” I said, embarrassed.I ran my fingers through my hair and shrugged.“I don’t know what that was about.”
“You should talk to Hillier.He’s quite upset about what happened.”
This news, for some reason, surprised me.“He is?”
“He thought you were going over the side.He really believes if he hadn’t got there…”
All the blood rushed to my middle and a chill overtook me.
“Fuck.”
What if I had?What if I had, in my sleep, climbed over the fucking rail and thrown myself in the drink?
Squid turned to Domingo but didn’t quite meet his gaze.“I’ll be with the animals, if you want to come by later.”
“Yes, thank you, Squid.I might very well do that,” Domingo said, a dazed expression on his face as he watched Squid stride out of the galley.Squid’s mug of coffee sat, forgotten, on the table.
I sat down and picked it up, sloshing the half full vessel and frowning.
“What was all that about?”
Domingo shrugged.
“Not sure,” he said.
He smiled and held his hand out for the cup.I passed the mug over.
“Are you after some mid-morning coffee?What with all the adventuring on deck in the small hours.”
I stared at Domingo.“Does everyone know, then?”
“Probably.”
I folded my arms on the table and put my head down.
Now the whole crew knew I was struggling.Perhaps Iwaslosing my mind.I did seem to be losing my grasp on reality.At last, when my circumstances had improved, now I was beset with this?Why hadn’t we remained on Talamanca?We could have stayed with Francis and Jimena and found a permanent place there.If I’d known that these ills would resume once I got back on theArrow, I might have considered trying to convince Dinesh to stay.Then again, I wasn’t so sure I would win against theArrow.And the idea was ridiculous to contemplate.Dinesh and theArrowwere the same.They were linked together, and now, so was I.
Thunk
Domingo placed a mug on the table next to me.
“Here you are, love.Come on now.The situation’s not that bad,” Domingo said, his fingers wending through my hair.
“Isn’t it?”I asked, my voice muffled by my arms.
He snorted a laugh.
“There was a whore at the Turnkey who used to wander in the night.She’d appear next to my bed in her underthings, talking nonsense, and I’d have to return her to her room.Her name was Ginnie, and we’d laugh about her wanderings come morning,” he said.“These things happen.”
I lifted my head from my arms and stared at him.
“I didn’t simply wander into someone’s room, Dom.I walked to the rail of the ship, and Hillier thinks I would have gone over if he hadn’t stopped me.”
