“Like drinking blood, another life literally inside me. But I hate it.”
I pull his chin down and look straight into his eyes, letting him know it’s safe to tell me more.
“And taking a life,” he adds.
“How does that create a connection?”
He seals his lips, resisting for the longest time before speaking. “How much more intimate can you get with someone than being there for their last breath? For causing it?”
“Well you could fuck them!” I say, pissed at his words, at the thought. And how much sense it makes to me.
“Yeah. That’s the third option.”
“But I’ve known you for over a year, Kelt. We spent every day together. I never saw you sleeping around in Caldera. Or killing anyone. And I’m pretty damn sure you weren’t drinking blood either.” But even as I say it, my mind returns to the blood I wiped from his face while the Centress kept us as prisoners, how it seemed to have no source, no injury or cut.
Just talking about all this makes my urges stronger, nearly unbearable. I push him away with a hand on his chest, but his heat floods my fingers, traveling up my arm and into every inch of me.
“I’m still your Kelt. I haven’t changed. That’s why you never suspected anything. It comes out when I don’t have what I need to control it. And I swear, I never imagined I’d be capable of killing again, even though that’s the only thing that takes away the cravings for a helpful amount of time.” His eyes are desperate, his words frantic. “All of this was shut down for years while I was outside Sonnet’s magic—at least at first. That’s why I was sent to Caldera, so my cravings wouldn’t take over anymore. My mother got the Centress to agree. They’d already tried desensitizing me to death by killing animals and older adults in front of me every night. You know, so I wouldn’t crave it so much. But it didn’t work.”
Oh Kelt.Compassion crushes me. Confusion rattles me. And finally…” Then why would you want to come back? What’s worth deceiving me for a year and handing me off to a kidnapper?” I can’t hide the anger, nor do I want to. “I meanyour brother!”
He rests his thumb on my lower lip, as if affection were appropriate. “I don’t want to be like this. My mother told me I could come back when it was time to link, that it was the ultimate connection and would cure me.”
“You came back to Sonnet to link,” I whisper. All of this so he could be cured of his cravings. He’ll get his happily ever after. No wonder he was willing to throw our friendship away, if it was even real. “But why come to the Underbroke? Why Zandrite? How did you know about this place?”
“Adult Vaile are aware it exists. They all swear they won’t sink to this level until their link dies, and they’re suffering. But as a kid I didn’t know, and no one told me. I found it in Eli’s memories of past lives. He’s spent a lot of time here.”
I narrow my eyes, thinking of the arena, the Trophies. “Why would he come here?”
“That’s for him to tell you.”
“Fine. Why are you here?”
He bites his lip. “I came to see if Zandrite would separate Eli and me.”
“Why would he do that for you?”
“I thought it was worth a chance.”
“Look at what you’ve done, Kelt! He thinks you’llshareme with him.”
“I only let him believe that.”
I shove him again. “How could you be so stupid? He’s a god—if you believe in that shit. How are you going to simplynotgive him what he wants?”
“I didn’t know he was going to act like this, but I have hope that it’ll work out.”
“Fuck hope. And fuck you. I’m not even yours to share.”
“I’d never do that. Sharing you with Eli is already enough.” He hugs me tight and kisses my forehead.
I punch him in the throat.
Chapter 25
KELTER
I've spent three days keeping her out of Zandrite's arms. And keeping my own hands off her. Well, not completely. I keep her warm at night, wrapping her up in my arms after she falls asleep, tucked against my chest, holding back on all the ways I want to be close to her. Or think I do. It's a mess in my head, my own feelings jumbled up with Eli's. How do I know if I want her because he does, or because she's Ever, and I love her. As a friend, like I always have. Or that's what I've always told myself—don't get attached. She's your ticket to Sonnet.
