Eli
He made the effort to write a note and hide it, and that’s all it says? And worse yet, he knew I was leaving? And let me? The hurt and anger blend and bind, kindling the fire of the other, inciting feelings too volatile for names.
The snowflakes quadruple in size. I can’t see more than a foot away with how violently they fall and flurry. I shove a fresh pile off the tops of my knees. My ears ache, and frozen blood crystalizes over my lips where my chattering teeth punctured the skin. This is a new level of cold, a should-be-fatal level.
Another vision burrows into the icy layers of my mind.
Wolves circle below, fangs bared, jaws snapping. My frozen body slips from the branches. Then it’s instant—the capture of my neck, the rip of teeth through my skin, the tearing of flesh from my bones. I’m too cold to scream as they sniff my stomach, their warm breath a deadly caress before they feast on my organs.
I return from the sickening vision, hyperventilating and hugging thelimb I cling to.Why?How many times must I go through it? I’m starting to think the only way to truly escape the torture of death… is to die. But I’ve put up with this too long to let that happen. I won’t let death take me.
The bright snow blinds me, the flakes on my cheeks a thousand times colder with the rush of sensation after death. Who would create such a thing as cold and miserable and fucking majestic as snow?
Ametrine, apparently.
At least it’s keeping any Vaile from finding me. They’re probably waiting in their crooked homes for the storm to pass.
As though the freezing temperature wears away at my common sense, I slide my icy hand down the front of my chest. As soon as I close it around my necklace, she’s back.
Must you get yourself into these situations?my hallucination of Ametrine scolds, but worry burdens her words, concern.
I throw everything at her at once.How am I still alive? How come I feel things around Eli? What’s wrong with me?
The answer you can handle right now is that your body will never work like anyone else’s. The essence changes everything, especially in a body that’s already different. Nothing is wrong with you, but you do make questionable decisions, like running off into a dangerous realm by yourself.
I’m not sure I can handle anything at all.I need to see Kelter. I don’t know why.
She calms herself with a long exhalation. I imagine her eyes closed, her face serene and—
What do you look like?I ask, interrupting my own thought. To address someone in my head. I should be more disturbed with myself at this point, but I’m already in too deep to run down saner pathways.
I’ve never regretted creating Vaile as I did, with beautiful minds such as yours.She chuckles softly.You’re a delight to listen to, Ever. I don’t have a body to reference anymore. Even my voice is something you’ve made up to process my form of communication. And if you need to go to Kelter, then do so. Life isn’t meant to give you all the answers from the start. You’d never explore or seek out more without the unknown.
If I could ever believe she was real, it’d spur from the simple fact that I could never come up with anything that calm and accepting, that positive.
You still have light in you,she says. And I’m back to confident that I’ve made her up, because that’s exactly what I needed to hear.I knowwhat you need because I knowyou. I’ve been stuck in my death stone for millenia and spent the last twenty-three years—the best of them all—watching over you and experiencing your life through your emotions.
That must have been miserable. The ‘experiencing my life’ part,I clarify.
She laughs full out this time.No, but you’re like a child of mine, so if you could take the necklace off while you’re… horizontal—
While I’m what?
Getting lucky?she tries.I feel all of your arousal.
Oh holy mother of fuck. If my cheeks can get any pinker, I’m sure they do.You can feel that? Every time? And nobody calls it that anymore!
Doing the deed?
I squeeze my eyes shut, attempting to undo it.That’s worse.
Boning?
Stop! Please.I’m not sure if I want to laugh or cry.You’re not even real. Why won’t you stop?
Now you know,she says, a smile evident in her voice.And in all seriousness, it was frustrating not to be able to talk to you because my stone wasn’t whole, but beyond that, it was an honor to be so close to one of my creations, practically a part of you. And to know I did the right thing putting the last bit of unclaimed essence in you.
Why would you do that?I ask.
