“That would be bad. We can’t keep a single one,” Kaleida insists. “It’s too risky,”
“I know,” Milo admits softly.
“You can keep some rolls,” Eli says. “Those can’t be replanted.”
“Deal.” He grins. “How do we get rid of them?”
I pluck the roll from between Milo’s fingers. “We burn them.” It won’t be the first problem I’ve solved with fire.
Maverick J. looks around the room, stopping on the corpse. “What exactly is teva?”
In between questions from Maverick J. and a couple of naps, we spend the entire day discussing Calderans’ deteriorating state and Vaile’s stance, eventually devising a plan to gather supplies and destroy the teva fields.
And I’m not part of it.
So it’s dangerous. Vaile are still hunting for us in Sonnet, and I have no idea how to throw a punch, much less defend myself in an attack. But I’m not staying here under Eli’s watch like he wants, with people dying all around me. And I’m not letting Kelter go to a rebel god’s underground hideout alone. I can’t ignore that he’s hurting, that he’s suddenly taken on the memories of every man Eli has ever been. He must be a mess, and all I’ve done is push him away. I can’t explain it, but Ineedto see him.
I grab a change of clothes and head to the bathroom now that everyone is crowded around the tiny screen watching the movie I put on, their bellies full of stale cereal—all the potatoes were finished before Eli and I got back. Their jaws still haven’t closed from the second I switched the television on. Except Eli’s. He’s not interested in that. His eyes never seem to leave me. Which is why my only chance to sneak out is while he’s asleep.
I lock the bathroom door and lean against it, breathing. I hate being alone, stuck with my own mind. I’m always behind on meals and sleep and baths, but the quiet moments around them are the hardest.
The bathtub faucet drips, each drop echoing through the almost bare room, occasionally perfectly timed with the flickering light going pitch dark. The showerhead above is wrapped in half a roll of yellowcaution tape, a little something I stole from Maverick J. years back. I turn on the tub water, the roaring rush a relief.
I don’t have a curtain or doors around the tub, no cabinets or mirror, no fan. But the opposite wall is covered from floor to ceiling with an intricate colored map of the Calderan forest. I couldn’t tolerate the emptiness a blank wall brought out in me, the thoughts it let wander.
I’d drag a stool from the coffee shop up the stairs at night so I could reach the top of the wall, a paper map tucked into my back pocket for reference and a marker behind each ear. I stare at the exact location where a sack went over my head. And my life changed. I’m not sure what symbol I’d put. Maybe a sack or a cart. Maybe a heart.
I finally look away, unable to stand the opposing emotions it stirs up, and a flash of the color cream steals every thought. I reach for the tiny note resting on the edge of the sink, the sight of it spurring shallow, anxious breaths.
My hands quake. I unfold each edge at an obscene pace, so slowly I must be going backward in time. I take in each word like a moment I want to commit to memory.
Never,
I’m always up for a chase when it comes to you.
Eli
A chase?I slip off my pants and underwear and sit on the edge of the tub, big enough for four of me. The note rests on the tub’s ledge, mocking me with its cryptic content.
The water level rises like the uncertainty in me. Being back in my own bathroom brings a sense of security, as though I might not be tortured or stabbed, as though disasters don’t loom and there’s not a dead man on my bedroom floor. But I can’t enjoy the luxury of this illusion with Kelter out there on his own. Too many memories lurk within these walls, a year’s worth of nights together. As much as I try to expel every thought of him, he marches back, trampling all efforts.
I pull my shirt over my head and toss it to the floor. It’s been so damn long since I had a real bath. My neck tingles with anticipation and—no, not that. It’s Eli’s dark aura.
Chapter 19
EVER
Ileft you plenty of underwear out there to keep you entertained. Have you already run out?” I ask Eli through the bathroom door, buying myself time. I wad the note up, poke it into the sink drain and return to the tub within seconds. One less thing to tug at my heart.
A quiet chuckle slips under the wood door. “I handed them out like bars, one for everyone, two for Sypher.”
I poke my toe at my underwear on the floor, holding in a laugh. If anyone’s still awake, they can hear every word. “You did not.”
“Well, none for your ex-cock.” The door creaks from his weight against it.
“Are youjealous?”
A slam and a bam later, the door flings open. A bent metal plate, hinges and screws stick out, the frame gouged from the latch, the wood splintered. The entire door hangs crooked. It’s easy to forget his strength—until moments like this one. “What the fuck?” I close my thighs and cross my arms over my lower belly out of instinct. “Just knock.”
