Kelter and Eli wrestle on a white tile floor, slipping and sliding in a marbled mix of blood. Blow after blow, they roll and rise like one. Teeth fly. Bones crack. Red and black smoke appears in wisps and swirls. It ties knots around them, gossamer ropes forcing one into the other. The brown and tan skin, the muscles and bones andthe black and red blood fuse together into one magnetic man. And he screams as though the entire world climbed inside him. Until death shows him mercy.
I fall back to reality, finding myself crouched over Eli’s writhing, groaning body in my underwear, a hand gripping his neck and buckets of light flooding the room. While the lifting of my hand is all it would take to free him from the torment that liquifies mind and bone, I can’t let go.
I leave him there a while longer, relishing in the tightness of his chest, his twisted, trembling limbs, the sweet agony on his face. Not until his cloudy memories start to make their way to me do I pull away, horrified with myself. I don’t want to take a single moment away. He collapses onto the carpet, the light fading into his sweat-soaked skin.
I stare at my shaking hands, the rings, the lines on my palms. Why couldn’t I stop sooner? Why do I want to hurt him? I sit back, legs open and bent, the soles of my feet touching. It’s all surreal. I wiggle my toes, lost and blocking out my surroundings. I liked the pain I caused, the way it was up to me to hold on or let go. Maybe because I’m broken inside, beyond repair. Or maybe, with the way death tracks me down and follows me through every hour, it’s because I feel a little more alive when I know I’m not alone in my pain.
Kelter lies on the blood-stained carpet next to Eli, panting and staring at the ceiling. The scent of potatoes and butter and cheese brings me back in time and out of my thoughts. Saliva pools under my tongue. It’s been so long since I’ve eaten something that didn’t crunch in suspicious ways. Sypher holds a giant bag of takeout from my favorite restaurant while Kaleida sips on a straw as though it’s the most novel thing ever. They take in the room with unblinking eyes, much more affected by the screen and electric light than the aftermath of the fight. Milo is already elbows-deep in my mountain of books and movies.
Kelter pushes up, trembling, and we’re quiet as he finds his balance. Blood drips from his mouth. He scowls at my bare legs, revulsion smashing his features together as he looks over Eli’s body splayed below him. Then he stomps toward the door, and before he slams it shut, he tosses his heart on the floor with four simple words: “Some brother you are.”
Chapter 15
EVER
I’ve seen a lot of Eli’s faces by now. I’ve seen fury and threat, fear and pain. But the look on his face at this moment, the tension pushing the boundaries of his features with tiny convulsions, the affliction bleeding through his detached eyes—it’s unlike any before.
The veins in his arms rise. He holds in a heaving breath, possibly a scream or a full-on breakdown. Rage without direction, without escape.
My own hurt over yet another secret Kelter has kept from me is smothered by a forceful rush of compassion and currents of confusion. I don’t know how they could possibly be brothers, but I want to stroke those curls and kiss him until the golden specks return to his eyes. I want to take away the pain.
But he snaps his gaze to me, now surging with panic. My heart dislodges. I grab my chest, gasping. It’s squashed from every side with bruising force.
Can a heart bruise? Can it take a blow so hard that blood escapes its confines and leaks through the skin of my chest? A tenderness out in the open? I believe so.
Then the softness is gone, the way I felt toward Eli—vanished. I stumble backward, my world unstable, unsure, my heart still aching.
Milo swoops to my rescue, wrapping an arm around my ribs and holding me upright—then screeching at his mistake. He tears himself away and falls to the carpet with a desperate look up at Eli.
“Milo…” I stammer.I’m so sorry.
But Eli’s eyes are still fixed on mine. “You. Come with me.”
I don’t dare say no.
Eli snatches up his come-stained shirt then grabs his knife and ammo-loaded suspenders from the carpet and stomps out the door.
“Shit. I need clothes.” I reach up the back of my shirt and tie my bra with no lack of awkwardness then retrieve my pants from the corner. I pull them on while hopping across the room. I don’t know why I follow so readily. Maybe because of that fleeting feeling in my heart before my sensible side kicked in. I stuff my feet into my boots and barrel down the stairs after him.
Double the thump of steps echoes behind me. “Milo?” I turn around, holding the railing on either side. “What are you doing?”
“Making sure you’re safe. He’s almost out of sight already.”
“He won’t leave me.”And trusts that I’ll follow.
Milo squints, his blue eyes fierce. “Neither will I.”
My lips part, every intention of turning down his company, but… I don’t want to. It’s painful to accept, foreign. I squeeze the padded railing. “Thanks.”
Milo grins so wide my own cheeks hurt.
Sypher emerges behind him, a paper box in hand, mouth greasy and full. “It’s still okay to eat, right?”
Kaleida pushes past him with an affectionate pinch of his belly on her way by. She slides in next to Milo, plopping a hand on his shoulder and another on her curvy hip as she looks down the steps at me. “I won’t leave you either, at least not until Eli sends us away.”
I offer her a gracious nod then walk fast, familiar with the obstacles on the sidewalk, the newspaper boxes and street lamps, bike racks and trash cans. A violent beat clatters in my chest, and I wonder if Eli’s heart really does match mine, if he feels my urgency, can sense me approaching.
“So Kelter’s crazy?” Milo asks, a forced nonchalance lacing his tone.
