Chapter 1
ELIVANDER
Her eyes lurch and jerk below their lids, as though that deep-rooted darkness in her is trying to escape. I kiss each one and taste the salt on my lips, remembering the tears that streamed freely last night. She hates me, like I wanted.
I can only have these moments while Never sleeps. As soon as she’s conscious, it’s back to keeping that spark of anger alive in her, making her believe she’s just a convenient fuck. I hate myself for it, but it’s better than risking her falling in love with me.
Controlling her heart isn’t easy. The stronger her feelings, the harder they are to suppress. I’ve already messed up too many times and let her in so deep that she refuses to believe this means nothing. That’s supposed to be my safeguard. As long as she hates me, we won’t trigger the second half of my curse. She won’t doubt she’s mine, but she can’t know how obsessed I am with each breath she takes. That I’ve memorized every inch of her. That every godsdamn part of me wants to be close to her, even my heart.
I graze my lips down the bridge of her nose. Her shallow breaths heat my face. Another dream—or nightmare.
I remember dreaming, back when I was only me, back before my father died, and I took on the mind and soul and memories of my father and grandfather and great-grandfather… all the way back to my caged beginning, thanks to the mistake at my creation. Their thoughts and feelings are like shadows in my head, their memories left behind to torment me. I went insane until I learned to push them to the background, but I’ll never escape.
And neither will she.
Milo’s room is dim, yet the excess of colors spread from floor to ceiling are rough on my eyes, even with all the time we spent here together after finishing school. The ivy he let grow wild on the windows and walls is only a pile on the floor as of last night, along with broken glass vials once filled with his concoctions.
Never’s chest slows its pumping rhythm, and she blinks as if her lashes weigh a ton. The dark purple-gray of dawn is enough to glimpse the color in her eyes, the ferocity.
“Stop watching me sleep. It’s creepy.” She lets one eye succumb to drowsiness. “And I’m still mad.”
How could I not watch her sleep? With the way she whispers through the night about death, one hand hidden under the pillow and one tucked into the crook of her neck, her restless legs sliding over the sheet. I should be between them.
“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t spend so much time unconscious.” I prod her with my elbow. Maybe she’ll wake up and yell at me some more. I could listen to her scream all day with the way her cheeks redden and those cute little wrinkles on her nose. It’s a fucking problem. But I can’t seem to stop these thoughts. Or my own damn mouth. “And I like you mad.”
Shit. I can’t let those things slip anymore.
Her other eye narrows into a glare before surrendering.
I trace a finger over her temple, the line of her jaw, the ridge of her collar bone, over her slowly rising and falling chest, taken by sleep, and down to—
Stop.The word clangs through me.
Kelter?I throw back into the endless tunnels of my mind. Tell me I’m hearing shit.
I can’t sleep with all your mental racket,Kelter says, as though he were in my head. Which he is, now practically a part of the damn mistake. But unlike my ancestors, he’s makingnewmemories—and spying on mine. Andtalking. It’s disturbing. So far I’ve only had to put up with experiencing his thoughts and emotions, hitting me anytime he lets them slip through.
Getout of my head. It’s bad enough you tried to kill me,I remind him as I run my fingers over Never’s ribs, trying to hold back my strength.
Her rage beats through me, even as she sleeps. It’s Kelter’s fault she’s pissed. He told her everything. She hollered at us until her voice went hoarse and she passed out—not surprising after finding out Iplanned her abduction over a year ago. And that Kelter was in on it. Then learning I accidentally merged minds with him. Maybe souls too, like I have with the rest of the men I’ve been. But where does the misery of the mind end and the shadow of the soul begin?
Keeping Never angry will make everything easier. And her little fits of rage are irresistible. She’s still mine—even if I have to hold back, holdherback, even if I have to remind myself every godsdamn minute what she’s here for—I need her to fix the mistake.
I just don’t know how… without killing her.
Then stop sending me all the things you want to do to her,Kelter says, his annoyance becoming mine.
This fool.Find your own woman. She wants cock, not pussy.
Sheismine. Don’t you see?he taunts. She doesn’t want you anymore. I made sure of that.
The glee in his mental voice makes me want to put my knee in his throat. He told her about our deal to make her hate me, even with the risk of her hating him too. I should thank the asshole. That’s exactly what I want—need. It’s not at all what I want, not anymore.
I look over Never’s body next to mine.Who’s in bed with her?Me. Because she sees me. And she can’t try to kick me out while unconscious.
I sense the smirk climbing Kelter’s cheek before he responds, his smugness enough to come through on my own face.Know that every time you touch her, I feel it.
I should have let him die, let him bleed out next to me. But I couldn’t take him from her.I couldn’t kill him. Because she broke me, made me into a man that gives a fuck.
