Page 27 of More Than Friends

I quickly turn back around and focus on my notebook. Jude needs me to be his friend right now, so that’s what I’m going to be.

“Let’s go find a Pack ’n Play.” I change the subject and walk the long pathway to the back of the store. I have no idea where the baby aisle is, but I’d rather spend my time looking for it thanlooking into Jude’s big brown eyes, which are suddenly making me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling.

“Do we like the pink one or the purple one?” Jude asks, holding up two onesies on either side of his face. We’ve been shopping for over an hour, and Ava is still sleeping peacefully as we make our way through the list of things to buy. It’s only my first day with her, but Ava seems far more chill than my siblings’ babies. So far, she’s easy and calm, which might be just what Jude needs as he gets used to being a father.

I smile, something about the sight of Jude holding the two frilly onesies pulling at my heartstrings. “I like both. Can’t go wrong with either one.”

He looks between the two and then nods. “You’re right. My girl needs both.” He tosses the clothes into the cart with a wide grin.

I look at the ground for a moment, trying to compose myself after the adorable way he called Ava his girl. Something about it dangerously made my heart squeeze in my chest.

“What size are they?” I ask. We just made it through getting essentials in other aisles, and now we’re tackling clothes.

Jude’s eyes go wide as he looks at the onesies, shifting from one foot to the other. “Well…” he begins, pulling at the tag. “This one says three months.”

I close the distance between us and grab the hangers from his hands. I check the tags before giving him a smile. “These are both three months, which means three months old is typically the limit for wear. Three months means zero to three months old, six months means three to six months old, and so forth. Before we left, I checked the clothes Ava was sent with, and theyare all six months. That seems to fit her, so we should probably get some more in that size and some nine-month options as well.”

Jude stares at me for a moment, and I hate the vulnerable look in his eyes. He seems disappointed that he didn’t know this information himself, and I hate that I’m the reason his face fell. “I didn’t even think about the sizing,” he admits, pulling his gaze from mine in an attempt to hide the sadness in his eyes.

“It’s confusing. Plus, different brands fit differently. Those three-month ones you picked could fit her perfectly.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”

I bite back a smile. “Of course not. Baby clothes sizing is tricky.”

He stares at me for a moment before turning to a rack of infant sleepers. He fiddles through the hangers before throwing different variations of them in the cart—all six- and nine-month sizes.

Before we continue, he places a hand on my shoulder, his normal grin making an appearance on his face again. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you, Char. Thank you.”

And before I can respond, he turns his attention to Ava and checks on her once again before pushing the cart forward, completely unaware that he’s made my stomach do a weird flip-flop thing that I hope to never feel again when it comes to him.

SIXTEEN

JUDE

“What doyou think of this one?” Charlotte asks in an excited tone, holding Ava in front of a stuffed animal that’s as big as Ava is.

My daughter lets out an excited squeal as she flaps her arms in front of her, trying to grab the pink teddy bear.

Charlotte’s eyes meet mine as a beaming smile overtakes her face. “I think Daddy should get you the pink bear, shouldn’t he?”

Despite how unexpected and stressful my day has been, I feel like a smile hasn’t left my face this entire shopping trip. I might have said it countless times to Charlotte today, but I really don’t know what I’d do without her. I’m so clueless when it comes to kids, but because of her, I feel like I can handle this. She’s been incredibly patient with me, taking time out of her day to help me get all the necessities for Ava and never laughing at me when I show just how completely clueless I am when it comes to raising a baby.

I prop my shoulder against the shelf, focusing on Charlotte as she shows Ava the different stuffed animal options. According to Char, we should have enough to get started, so now we’re in the toy aisle, finding out what Ava is interested in.

My lips twitch with the blooming of a smile, watching Charlotte with my daughter. She holds her against her chest with Ava facing out so she can really look at all the toys. Ava seems to be having the time of her life looking at the different options, and the sight of her so happy with Char does something to my chest.

I’m lucky enough to have made many close friendships in my life. I have numerous people I know who love me and support me in anything. Eventually, I’ll tell everyone about Ava and allow them to be there for me, but right now, I’m still figuring things out. I feel the need to have my footing better before telling everyone else about Ava. For the moment, it feels right for only Charlotte to know. The way she’s shown up for me today makes me realize just how lucky I am to haveher. I still haven’t processed the fact that I have a daughter and that I missed four months of her life. Instead of bombarding me with questions or making me feel guilty about having a daughter I didn’t know about, she’s stepped in without hesitation. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like her, but as I watch her playfully use the bear to pepper kisses along Ava’s cheeks, I make a promise to myself that I won’t do anything to mess up this friendship.

I can’t.

I need her.

And something tells me that Ava is going to need her too.

Whatever feelings I have for Charlotte, no matter what I wanted to happen last night, and no matter how attracted I am to her, I push it all aside. With Ava now in my life, I’m in no position to ask for more from Charlotte. I’ve never been known to be good at commitment or taking things seriously, but all of that has changed. And for my daughter’s sake—and my own—I have to keep things platonic with Charlotte and not let it go any further.

I can’t lose her.