Too hard.
“Wolf.”Her voice sounds broken open.
“Don’t,” I snap.
She pulls her camisole back over her head, the movement so slow as if she’s afraid I’ll spook.Then she settles at the far end of the couch, her posture stiff and defensive.
I feel like I’m bleeding inside.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”She picks at the hem of her shirt, eyes on her hands.
“Yeah, well, doesn’t take much.”
A heavy blanket ofawwwwwkwarddrapes the room.
Congratulations, Wolf.You successfully turned your lifelong fantasy into an emotional crime scene.
If I had a dollar for every time I self-sabotaged, I could buy a space balloon and float into the void.
“I’m not mad at you.I’m mad at me.”I force my gaze to hers.“For feeling too much.Too fast.Too stupid.”
“Nothing about this is stupid.I’m not good with words.I act on feeling and needed something to anchor me.”She pauses, chewing her lip.“I didn’t want to be alone.Didn’t want to be in my head.And I didn’t want to owe you anything.You helped me, and this was… I wanted to thank you.And to feel like I had some control again.”She winces.“That sounds terrible.I don’t mean it like that.I just… I don’t want to depend on anyone.Not even you.Even though I…”
I stare at her sidelong, waiting with held breath.
“Even though I find you impossibly attractive.”Her eyes shift to me.Honest.Tired.Raw.
I blink.And blink again.
A shit storm of confusion and lust knots in my gut.And that other thing I don’t let myself feel.The one that cartwheels in all cocky and irresponsible.
Hope.
That’s the one that infuriates me.
“Why now?”I lift my head, uncurling from my hunched position.“After ignoring me all day, what changed?”
“I thought you wanted me.”She doesn’t look away.
“I do.”The lump in my throat throbs.“But I’m not… I don’t know how to be normal.”
“I don’t want normal.”Her voice falls flat.
“You can sit closer.”I loosen my death grip on the hem of my shirt.“Just don’t ask about what you saw.”
She scoots toward me slowly, cautiously, until her thigh brushes mine.
“Closer.”I lean back, tucking my shirt into my pants.
After a beat, her hand reaches.Just her fingers on my arm.
We sit like that.Staring straight ahead.Neither of us moves.
Eventually, I pull in a breath and throw myself into the hush.“You ever try to scream, but your throat just locks up?Like you want to claw out the sound, but it won’t come?”
“All the time.”She turns toward me, holding my gaze.
“Yeah.That.”
