Unthinkable fluids live in these walls.
How many people have died here?How many bodies have rotted down the drain?
I curl my fingers, pressing them to my nose.It’s fine.I’m fine.I just need to think.
The facts are these.If I hadn’t jumped, I’d be dead.I would’ve starved with Frankie and my brothers.Or we would’ve crashed the plane and burned alive.
But I wouldn’t have died alone.
Now you will.Regret fists my stomach.You’ll die a virgin.Caged.Forgotten.Alone.
“What do you want from me?An apology?”My jaw tightens.“Want me to fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness?It won’t change anything.They’re dead.Everyone I love is dead, and I’m not.I wasn’t supposed to make it out.Not without them.”
My insides clench as Regret strengthens its hold.
“You love this, don’t you?Watching me tear myself apart.Watching me drown in my mistakes.”
Regret leans in, waiting.
“I know.You won’t let me forget her.Or them.Or the last thing I said…”
I definitely tried to kill her.She’s dead anyway.We all are.
The echo of my words scrapes through my skull like rusted iron.
“No.”I grip my head.“That was a lie.”
A cruel, desperate lie.One I needed Leo to believe.
I would never hurt Frankie.When I fired that gun on the cliff, I aimed wide, knowing I wouldn’t hit her.
What if she believes the lie?What if she thinks you tried to kill her?
“She’s smarter than that.She knows I only said it so Leo would put a hot one in my chest.But the moron didn’t pull the trigger.”
So I jumped.
And instantly regretted it.
I tried to break the fall, repositioned to absorb the impact, and narrowly avoided a jutting rock.I landed like a fucking baller.I mean, the river was brutal, but I survived.Obviously.
And now you’re trapped.Regret drapes a phantom arm over my shoulders.With me.Keeping me here.Feeding me.
“I can’t escape.”
Don’t pretend you want to escape me.The whisper retreats into the shadows.When you’re ready to talk again, I’ll be here.
I rake my fingers down my face, digging into my beard and filthy skin.I need to focus.I need to get the fuck out of here.
But where the hell ishere?
The doctor flew me to this place.I was drugged out of my mind and half-dead as he hauled me from his plane to this outbuilding.But as consciousness flickered in and out, I saw…
Trees.
Real, breathing, towering trees.A whole line of them.
It was just a glimpse.A trippy, high-as-fuck peek at an evergreen forest against the snow-covered mountains.
