“What happened at the gate, Righteous?” Sunny demanded softly. “Can you talk about it yet?” When I nodded, she went on. “How did you let Feather get close enough to sacrifice herself? Tell me everything.”
I was her superior, but she was right to question me. I told her the whole story: how Feather had approached the gate and reminded me of the favor I owed her. “A vow made on my wings,” I explained.
Understanding dawned in her dark eyes. “In that case, there was nothing else you could do. But how did she catch you unaware? You could have stopped her.”
I slumped into a chair and handed her the fruit bowl. “Could anyone stop that woman once she made a decision? Have you seen the amount of glitter still in the hallways in Sanctuary,even though it was banned?” Sunny snorted, and I let a small smile creep out. “She tied my sandals together,” I admitted. “You know. The tall ones.”
Sunny burst into laughter. “And you didn’t notice? She probably got you monologuing, didn’t she?” She was finally able to gasp. “She asked you to talk about yourself, and while you were…. Oh, Light of All Lights, she’s the most clever, mischievous soul.”
“She is,” I said, my throat tightening, glad that Sunny spoke of her as if Feather still existed somewhere. “I loved her as a friend, when she was Tili. I think I could have loved her as…” I cleared my throat as her eyebrows flew high. “I would have been her friend again, if she hadn’t thrown herself away. Why did she do it, Sunny?”
“I named her trash.” Mikhail’s voice was raspy and hoarse. Sunny and I both sat straight up.
“Maker? Have some water.” Sunny was there in a flash, holding a cup to his lips. The blanket that had been tucked around him had fallen back, and I tasted bile at his devastated appearance. The once enormous, powerful Angelus had wasted away, his muscles atrophying around his bones, his cheekbones and nose harsh on a too-thin, bronze face. Even his turquoise and black eyes were dull.
Now I understood why he’d been teaching Sunny how to unmake a soul. He had days left, if that.
I was shocked he hadn’t already died. I had seen the pain on the faces of those who had given themselves to the gate long ago. Seen the agony in the eyes of the ones who had been left behind, if only for a moment. How was he even able to breathe?
“Her name… was Nothing, a Useless Scrap of the Beautiful One,” Mikhail managed to say, each word coming slowly, as if they were attached to anchors in his chest and he was drawing them up, one by one.
“No,” I said, and felt his eyes on me. “I heard her say her name, before she stepped into the gate.” I cleared my throat and repeated verbatim the words she had spoken. They were seared in my memory. “She said ‘I’m Feather, named Inutilia, who lived first as Dina’s sister Tili. I’m Nothing, a Useless Scrap of the Beautiful One, Arabella, friend of Sunny, the Light of Truth, and… soulmate of Mikhail the Great-Souled, the Maker of Sanctuary.’”
At my side, Sunny burst into tears. “She… she wove me into her name?”
Mikhail’s eyes drifted closed, but a smile hovered over his parched lips. “Of course. She loved you.”
My heart burned, like someone had stabbed me. What an incredible gift. If only I had something to remember her…Wait.I did. I had picked up that feather, the one she had dropped from her new small, silver wings, before stepping into the gate. How had I forgotten about it until now? I couldn’t even remember seeing it after I left the gate.
“Where could it be?” I muttered, standing abruptly. I had to find it.
Mikhail coughed so hard he almost fell from the bed, and I immediately went to him, trying to put the lost feather to the back of my mind. Feather had been unmade—the only thing I could do to honor her was care for the mate she had left behind.
“Maker, please, lie back,” I murmured, when it seemed Mikhail was trying to rise. His eyes, open to mere slits, sent the message his lungs didn’t have the energy to deliver. “At least let me help. You’ve been in bed for two weeks.”
“Tell me,” he said, when he was finally sitting. “What’s going on… in Sanctuary?”
Sunny answered. “Gavriel’s gone to Earth to check on the balance, and see if the Abyss is taking advantage of the sealed gate to attack.”
“Sealed?” Mikhail panted, pulling his robe around his shoulders. The scars littering his body held so much more meaning now, after he’d admitted he’d been creating all the new Novices for four centuries from his own flesh. It was another reason he was so weak.
Well, that and my pride and hubris. I’d been so mired in evil from my hatred of Feather and my jealousy, that Mikhail had been forced to mate her to save her life. The smut he wore, the patches of foul, gray clay on his skin that seemed to swirl around the scars—it was mine to bear. Maybe there was some way I could take it back. Maybe then Mikhail would be strong enough to go on.
Sunny’s words tore me away from my thoughts. “…High Angelus Gavriel said before he left that she didn’t just repair the gate, like we’ve done in the past. She sealed it utterly, permanently. He called it a wall.”
Mikhail swore softly, but I noticed it was one of Feather’s made-up curses.Crapsticks?Mikhail’s voice was louder when he spoke again. “There has to be a way into the gate,” he said. “It can’t be sealed entirely.”
My heart thudded. Could it be true? Was there some possibility that we might be able to pull her back to us? And if she did come back, would she allow me to apologize and maybe, possibly, kiss me one more time, the way she had in the Dining Hall? Let me hear the music of the spheres, the way I had when her lips had met mine, and I’d fallen?
Fallen for Feather.
I froze, not daring to look at Mikhail, trying to keep even my thoughts silent. Her mate might be weakened, but if he knew how I felt about her—knew I dreamed of more than the chance to apologize—I had no doubt he would muster whatever remaining strength he had, and beat the thought right out of my thick skull, in her memory.
“What else is happening in Sanctuary?” Mikhail demanded, his voice stronger as Sunny offered him a sip of water. Her eyes met mine over the table, and we both took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to like this.
But it might give him a reason to live, if he knew just how much we needed him here.
Chapter 7
