“I would be a musician, yes. It was the only thing I was good at.”
“How can you say that? You’re the—youwerethe leader of Sanctuary. You’re like, the best at almost everything.”
He snorted. “I was a terrible leader, Feather. That’s apparent to the casual observer.” He sat up and waved a hand at the walls, indicating what was happening outside this room. “If I had been a better man, I would have… I woulddeservea chance to love you.” His eyes flared, and for a moment, my world became rings of blue and gold, glittering fire in a turquoise sea of anguish. “And here’s what’s more shameful. I would let all of Sanctuary burn to the ground for one moment in your arms.” One side of his mouth twisted up in a mockery of a smile. “But I would never ask for that. Not knowing what I’ve done, and how completely I failed.”
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. But someone else did.
“It was my fault, Gav. From the very beginning.”
Chapter 19
Seraphiel
The words leaped out before I could stop them. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. The light in this room, this nursery, was bright enough to showcase every single, horrific choice I’d made.
The monster I’d become. But I couldn’t let the one who had been my best friend stew in his self-recrimination any longer. “Itwas my fault, Gav. From the very beginning.” I closed my mouth, flinching when Feather whirled around, then ran to me.
Her green eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Rumple, I couldn’t heal you. Here.” She grabbed a goblet of some sort of juice, lifting it to my lips.
“No, you’ll need that,” I said, but she shook off my concern.
“We have infinite supplies,” she explained, her words falling over each other as she told me about the room we were in, and the box on the table.
“Gavriel put his soul… in a box?” She blinked at my question, uncomprehending, and in her thoughts, I saw a sudden image of a naked man holding a gift-wrapped present in front of his genitals.
I fought back a smile. I didn’t need to ask if Feather was all right. If she was thinking about dicks, even dicks in boxes, she was as normal as ever.
“Just a small part of it,” Gavriel muttered. “A little bit I didn’t need.”
Feather frowned at him. “Was that a ‘just the tip’ joke?”
Gavriel’s lips twitched. “Of course not.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Gavriel, souls don’t have appendixes. Appendices? There are no ‘extra bits.’” He and I smiled at one another over her head. There was so much she didn’t know.
My smile died almost instantly, though, because there was so much I hadn’t shared with Gavriel. “I need to make a confession. It was my fault, Gav, all that went wrong. I was so angry, so lost, in the void. I blamed you. But when I realized, in the Maker Hall, what I’d done…” I turned to Feather. “Even what happened to you, little one. I am to blame.”
“Why would you say that?” she asked, stepping up to me and reaching for one of my hands. I pulled it back as fast as I could. Hurt shone from her gaze. “You don’t want me to touchyou? Little late for that, hm? You’ve been inside me and all.” She pointed to the smears of gray under her skin, trying to joke. But I knew my little sacrifice, and I’d hurt her.
I held out my hands, allowing her to see the long, dark claws, sharpened hooks of hardened smut that were as thick as my fingers at the base. They were evil weapons of destruction. I had no intention of touching her with them. “I might hurt you. I can’t chance it.”
She reached slowly for my hand and ran her own fingers over it. Like my feet, neck, and face, my palms and fingers weren’t plated by the thick armor, and I shivered beneath the gentle touch. She continued her exploration, skipping over the jagged surface and smoothing my hair first behind one ear, then the other. I closed my eyes, lost in the sensation of loving hands on me. Soft, gentle touches, after so long knowing almost nothing but the harsh void. Her fingertips traced my forehead, sweeping from my temples over my eyelids, down my nose, and to my lips.
It was excruciating. It was exquisite. Her skin was silk and cream, her breath sweet and floral when a hint of it stole through my own sulfurous haze. But the shadows in my skin writhed as she touched them as well, and I was certain she saw them. I fought not to curl into a ball and hide myself, knowing she was witnessing the corruption just beneath my flesh. That had defeated me.
“You would never hurt me,” she breathed in my ear, lifting my hand to her face. I tried to pull away but she held me firmly, her petal-soft cheek silver-pink beneath my charcoal palm.
“Please don’t. I could scratch you.”
Slowly, intentionally, she crawled up onto my thighs, on her knees. She reached both arms around me, her hands cresting the tops of my wings, pinning me to the sofa, and said huskily, “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Rumple.” Then she licked up the side of my face and giggled. “Yum.”
I stammered for a moment. “Feather, you can’t… you can’t be attracted to this.” I gestured with my free hand to my body. “I’m repulsive. I’m a hideous caricature of everythi—” Before I could finish my thought, her mouth landed on mine, and I forgot what I was saying.
She explored my lips with her own, her tongue darting out to taste the seam of my mouth. Her hands stroked the tops of my wings, and the resulting pleasure—even muted by the thick coating that protected them—made me moan in delicious agony.
And then her tongue was in my mouth, learning the shape of mine. Oh, Great Maker,tastingme. Meeting my tongue with hers, and exploring my mouth.
I tried to move away, but she held onto my wings, and we were both in danger of falling off the sofa. My tail whipped up and wrapped around her neck, pulling her away gently. She pressed into the slight constriction and whimpered… then winked when I tried to apologize.
