Stay, Shiny.The void wrapped around me, sly and oily. It was feeding on my fear; I could almost see it smacking its void lips. The douchenozzle had distracted me on purpose! I started up the song again, but I was getting weaker, and the void was pressing in on me, squeezing me like an anaconda.
That thought gave me a little strength. I had to get to Sanctuary and back to Righteous, or I would never see his anaconda peen again. I grabbed hold of the last bit of the song I could remember, glad now for the unforgettable melody. I sang louder and louder, until I was traveling again. Only… I wasn’t going toward the tiny pearl. I was very definitely headed off to one side, and no matter how loud or soft I sang, my course was straight.
Straight out into the middle of the Abyss.
Motherfudger,I thought, flailing with my arms and legs, like I could swim through space.I’m not going out like Major Tom. I’m going home.
Home. Gavriel. My soulmate who was probably dying, especially since he hadn’t been filled up with spiritual spunk like I had before this trip.
I had to get to Gavriel, Hope, and Percy. Truth and… and my soft-as-melted-chocolate sheets. I might never feel sheets like that again. The thought had my course correcting slightly.I closed my eyes and visualized all the things I liked about Sanctuary, wrapping my arms tightly around my girthy Mike as the shadow thing kept trying to take it away.
Suddenly, I felt a gentle, persistent vibration coming from somewhere. Somewhere a little farther north than ideal. My eyes snapped open, and I realized I had accidentally turned on my toy. It was emitting a little rumble in tune with my song, and… glowing? Yes. There was a hazy nimbus of pink light emanating all around it.
The glittery void beast snarled silently and retreated, and I tucked the vibe a little closer to my chest. When the void beast darted back in, grabbing at my gift, it glowed bright pink, a flash of light that apparently scared the thing off completely, because once I could see again, it was gone.
I wanted to figure out which controls I’d pressed to make the thing work, but this was no time to get distracted again. So I just held on and thought about Gavriel, and once or twice I might have pressed the thing a tiny bit lower and thought of some of my favorite fantasies starring him. I especially liked the one where he was the pirate captain and I was the buxom bo’sun, and we did the nasty on top of a cannon on deck, with the crew cheering us on and throwing Swedish fish.
And, strangely, after only a few dozen more increasingly implausible fantasies, I was back on track to Sanctuary.
The glowing smudgewasmy old realm; I could see that now. It shone exactly like an iridescent seed pearl, in the rough shape of a feather, floating in the darkness. I was approaching from what looked like the top, but something was going on at the bottom. A huge, matted clump of shadows hung from the bottom like an engorged tick, feeding on something. Or waiting. It reminded me of the way crowds gathered to watch Monsieur le Guillotine do his choppity-chop work back in Paris. I didn’t want to be anywhere near that mess.
So I aimed for the top of the feather, and when I got close enough, saw a shimmering glint on the surface. A nub of what could be metal, jutting out. A knob? I was worried I might crash into it, but by the time I could see that it was, indeed, a knob—an old-fashioned doorknob made of gold, poking out from the side of the enormous feather—I had slowed.
My song had almost run out, leaving me with a terrifyingly hollow sensation. Like I only had a few golden droplets left in that musical jar. The Celestial key was still there, though, tucked deep. And the pools of energy Ry and Growly had merged into me were still nice and full. Only my birthmark feather hurt now, and not nearly as bad as it had before this trip.
Time to go in, and get my basshole soulmate. I put my hand on the knob.
Nothing happened. I grabbed on tighter, and tried to turn the knob while I was singing. Still nothing, though the metal under my hand felt warmer. I turned and twisted, pulled at it, and sang. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
The song was almost gone, and too soon I was on what I knew was the last note. I fought to keep singing, but there was nothing left. I went silent. The void pulsed with despair all around me.
My lungs empty, my soul flailing, I fought to think of what to do now. The weird shadows on the other side of the giant feather were up to something, I could tell. There was a palpable sense of excitement, and more shadows flew past me, taking no notice of where I was, but rushing to join the crowd. I was growing cold, so I wrapped both hands around Mike. But then I started drifting off, and grabbed for the knob again.
It had grown cooler when I stopped touching it, and the gold had faded a little, but when I grabbed it again, it perked back up. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I was just certain this was the rightspot. I rubbed until my wrist was sore, and then I had an idea. I grabbed Mike and set him against the knob.
Within seconds, the knob was glowing brightly in the Abyss. So bright, I was afraid the shadows might see. I closed my eyes and prayed.Help me. Help me get inside.
Someone answered.Don’t stop.
I set my ear against the side of the pearlescent wall, listening.
The voice came again.Don’t stop.
Don’t stop what?
Don’t stop… polishing my knob.
I yanked my hand back like the thing had burned me.What the fudge?That had sounded really perverted. But Sunny told me my mind was a twisty, depraved place, and that the rest of the world wasn’t filled with sexual innuendo and porn references. I wasn’t sure I bought that. She hadn’t been on Earth for the golden age of the internet, and I had. Everybody was a freak now, not just me.
The voice didn’t come back, though, and I was out of ideas. So I put my hand on the knob and began singing. I was out of Celestial music, but I still had the classics, opening with a few lines from “Superfreak” as I rubbed the knob with Mike. The warmth came back, and the light, and then the voice.
I can’t believe you really did it.
Wait. I knew that voice. I’d heard it…Revel?I hissed when my ears picked up on rich, golden laughter.Revel, you pervert. Did you really just trick me into polishing yourliteralknob?Crap on a cracker. Of course he did. Of course the sentient gate was a degenerate. Everyone had warned me.
His laughter died down, and he said,Listen, Sacrifice, you’re the one who put a divine vibrating dildo on it. It’s the first fun I’ve had in… I can’t remember.
You’ve been a gate for a long time.
