But that would create an entirely different sort of alloy. I didn’t want to manufacture a hybrid seal, one that would answer to both sources of power. So, once I had drawn enough pure soulfire forth, I sang one of my earliest songs of creation, callingon the elements themselves to be present, and tore away chunks of smut from my hands and neck to use as fuel. Air and fire answered, spinning above and beneath the bowl, and the smut caught flame.
Fire came easier now than it had when I was the leader of this realm. The smut I wore burned nicely, smelling almost sweet as I called more away from me and sent it with a thought to the base of the cauldron to heat it. It wasn’t getting as hot as I needed, though; the corruption that had threaded its way into my very core made the shadowed fire less potent.
Gavriel watched me for a moment, and seemed to see my difficulty. He sent some of his own power toward the fire, and the metal of the drum began to change hue, turning from a dull, blackened pewter to a shimmering gold.
“Arabella,” he called. She hurried over, handing him the sword and feathers. Without looking away from the flames, or breaking my song, I took the sword from him and placed it into the heated bowl.
I won’t use these,I thought, handing the feathers back to Gavriel.
He shook his head. “I can’t stick them back on, Rafe.”
I mentally scoffed, still singing.I can.
His eyes went wide. I could tell he wanted to question me, but I needed to focus. I sang louder, increasing the tempo of the song. But my vocal cords were as encrusted with filth as the rest of me, and my voice faltered just as the sword was beginning to melt.
The humming grew more violent, as if the shadows could sense I was faltering. Of course they could. I was linked to them in the same way I had been connected to Sanctuary, though this exchange was far more painful.
And more permanent.
I drew a breath, and a stray spark flew down my throat. I began to cough, the flames sputtering out. I felt the evil rejoicing of the trapped souls in my skin. I was not the Maker I had once been, and now the realm might fall because of my weakness.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my elbow, and heard something I hadn’t in centuries: Gavriel’s rich tenor. It had been my favorite voice in the world.
He’d memorized my repetitive words, and took up the refrain. His voice had changed. Once, it had been pure and clear and whole. Now it was as scarred as my flesh beneath the crust of sin I wore.
It’s still beautiful,I thought when I caught a wash of shame in his tone.Even broken, it’s beautiful to hear.He kept singing, and I continued.She said that, you know—that sacrifice makes a soul more beautiful.
He startled slightly.She saw you?
No. I would never want her to…I fought a wave of regret.She couldn’t want this, could she? No one could.I knew precisely what I looked like now. I’d traded all my physical beauty just to stay alive, and to hold back the tide of evil until it overtook me. And my soul was as pitted as the rest of me.No, she meant Mikhail.
His lips turned up slightly as he sang.Mikhail is very scarred. And she loves him without reservation.He hesitated, though his song never faltered.He wanted her even when she was covered with filth. He was always the?—
Most perceptive of us all,I finished. I waited a moment, then thought,When I first met her, I didn’t see it. I couldn’t tell she was anything special until she was on the brink of death, moving between the realms. It wasn’t until I saw her eyes that I knew.
I couldn’t see past her smut even then,Gavriel admitted. There was so much shame in his voice, I took the melody lineand waved him to silence as he relived his grossest error.What does it say about me, that I tortured my own soulmate the first time we met? That I broke my promise to you to sing to the gate?
I sang on, not knowing how to answer him. His gaze traced my ruined body, my hardened wings.
You said the gate was Revel. Haneul said that as well. Why did I never know?There was no accusation in his voice. No blame. Just curiosity, the same tone I remembered from all those centuries ago, when I was not only his friend, but his teacher. I had taught him everything he needed to know to run Sanctuary in my absence. But not forever.
Not for this long. I had kept secrets.
I almost staggered when I realized what I’d done in my ignorance. My mind raced, considering what effects my negligence in this one matter might have had.
No. There was no “might.” It was precisely why everything had gone wrong.
It’s my fault. I… I did it to myself.
He blinked at me, those long lashes falling on his golden cheeks. I remembered when he was a Novice running through the halls of Sanctuary. He was so intent on learning everything he could, on being as strong as me, as knowledgeable. And I had told him I would teach him all he needed to take my place. I’d known he would need to while I completed the mission I’d dreamed. But I had never once suspected I would leave him for so long. I’d prepared him for me to be away for a short while, given him the tools to stand in as leader.
But left him utterly unprepared to hold the realm for the length of time I’d been trapped in the Abyss.
What, Rafe?
I told you to care for the gate, to sing. But I never told you why. Not the true reason. His presence there was a secret; allmy siblings kept it, to protect him when he inhabited his new form.My mind spun. I was the one who had enforced that vow. I could have broken my silence, would have, if I had known…I thought I would be back, Gav. I thought we had time.
A pulse of silence, and then,What secret? Whose?
