“No,” I answered honestly, but I knew why she was confused. There was so much of her inside my secret places, it probably did remind her of what it felt like to merge with another. The blending of souls.
I didn’t know how to explain in a way that would make it clear I had no expectations of her. I wanted her, but I did not deserve her. I withdrew slightly, realizing at the last second that her eyes were swirling with strange currents, as if she were opening herself to me. I smiled, closing first my eyes and then my mind, pulling the curtain shut gently as I spoke. “I meant to let you see my emotions. My apology, as it were. But somehow, you got past my guard,” I confided as I lowered her back to the ground. “You got to see the real Righteous. Or at least, what I value most.”
When I opened my eyes, she was staring into my face in wonder, as well as comprehension. Her voice was tentative and filled with hope. “You value me? But… you hated me, Ry. You loved Tili, but not Feather.”
For a split second, I felt the pain and longing of all the centuries separated from my first, true friend welling in my eyes. All the grief, despair, and unworthiness I’d kept hidden from everyone, disguising my pain with false pride and a curled lip. I’d had to be the Head Protector with the others in this place.
But I didn’t have to be anyone else with her. “I was an idiot, Scrap. I have no idea how I couldn’t see you. You’re Tili in every detail. Made of mischief and kindness, generosity and humor. And I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me.”
“Sounds promising. I take apologies in the form of back rubs, chocolates, and flights to and from my stupid classes on the no-stairs levels. I’ll forgive you, Ry. I’m not good at keeping grudges anyway.” She went up on her tiptoes, turned my face to one side, and pressed her lips to my cheek. A tiny smudge of grease on her lips made her kiss slide to one side, and she groaned. “Oh, fudge. I’m getting you all dirty again.”
I stroked the side of her cheek. “I’m not afraid of your dirt, Tili.”
She giggled. “That’s what you said when I gave you the dried rose petals.” I laughed and strode to the table next to my bed, opening the drawer and pulling out a small leather bag. I tossed it to her and she caught it, a quizzical expression on her features.
“Those rose petals?”
She was shaking, as if she were cold. “You kept them, for all these years? Centuries?”
I nodded, though she didn’t look up, only opened the pouch and stared at the ancient brown and pink petals. Her first gift to me. I valued them more than anything else in my possession.
Her voice was raw when she spoke again. “You know, I thought you were my guardian angel.”
“I should have been,” I replied softly. “I should have been the one to protect you. But I’m glad Seraphiel was there for you. And I’m glad you have Mikhail now.”
Her brow furrowed. “Mikhail. He’s my mate.”
“Yes,” I said cautiously. “I know that.”
“Sunny told me Angeli only have one mate. And once you do choose a mate, you don’t… you don’t normally merge with others.”
I nodded again. “There’s never been an instance of it happening, as far as I know. Usually, Mikhail created the soulmates for the High Angeli. That meant the newly created one was perfect in every way for the Angelus.”
“Like Arabella was for Gavriel,” she muttered.
I shrugged. “I suppose. She never seemed complete to me.” Feather’s gaze speared me, a silent demand in her eyes. “When she was created, she came out into the Assembly Hall with Gavriel. I watched him try to kiss her. She turned away, and her eyes were so sad. Conflicted, I thought. As if she didn’t see Gavriel as a mate.”
For some reason, her questions about mates and merging had my soul pulsing with hidden fire. Why was she asking about this? She couldn’t want to… No. It wasn’t possible.
Dizzy, I sat on the end of the bed, my now-clean arm racing with fire, as my soul continued to expand inside me, like an enormous, infinite sheet being unrolled. Was I ascending? This was what all my reading had said it felt like.
A sudden, strange pull on my blossoming soul had me losing my balance for a moment. I closed my eyes, wondering if it was Sanctuary itself, remembering Gavriel’s words about the need for another High Angelus. It felt as if Sanctuary was reaching out for me, but not quite connecting.
I tuned back into Feather’s words. “…don’t see what she would be conflicted about? Everybody knows Gav’s perfect.”
Hmmm. I would never have expected the Feather I knew to say that.
“Well, the Feather you knew has a lot of hidden depths,” she groused, crossing the room and climbing up on the bed, folding her legs underneath her. “She’s not just an excellent t-shirt decorator and smut expert, you know.”
Feather?I thought at her, keeping my face turned away.Would you like to take some of these roses back to your room?
“I would love that!” she answered aloud. “My room is gorgeous. Not as fancy as yours, of course. You’d probably hate it. It’s got glitter everywhere—oh, look, there’s a piece on yourbed." She stopped speaking when I threw myself back onto the bed, lying on my side with my head supported with one hand.
“So, is there anything that’s… changed about you, since you came back from the gate? Besides the gorgeous patterns in your skin.”
She scoffed. “Gorgeous. I’m pretty sure when Rumple smooshed me back together, he got some of his smut inside me.” Her lips curled up in a mischievous smile. “That sounded kinky.”
“His smut?” I asked, trying for calm. Seraphiel had been the brightest, purest soul Sanctuary had ever known. “Tell me about it?”
