Mikhail’s bed had been moved close to the fire. The room was almost stiflingly hot, but his bed had blankets piled up allaround him. One of his wings trailed off the side of the bed, dropping onto the floor, but the other was wrapped around him. His face was turned toward the fire, and even from where I stood, I could tell he had lost a significant amount of weight… and most of the glow that had made him seem to shine, even in the dark.
I approached, the lump in my throat making it impossible to speak, and realized as I got close that he had the t-shirts I’d made for him tucked all around his body.
“Do you know what I regret most?” His voice startled me, and I froze. He went on, without looking behind him. The firelight sent sparkles of red and gold along his shaggy dark hair, and my fingers itched to reach out to him. But I listened instead. “She told me she loved me. She was so brave to speak of her feelings when our mating was new, braver than I was. And far more generous. She didn’t expect me to return her love… and now I can never tell her that I did. I loved her as completely as a soul can love. In a few short months, I went from knowing I would live forever alone, to having the one I’d waited my entire life for in my arms, to losing her. Because I wasn’t as great-souled as she.” I stifled a sob with my fist. “Mikhail the Great-Souled, my Maker called me. If she had known my Feather, she wouldn’t have wasted that name on one such as me.”
I took a hesitant step forward, hearing the door behind me close. Sunny was giving us privacy. I would thank her later, when I could speak. I closed the remaining distance between us, and stared down at my former mate. His eyes were shut, the light playing on the dozens of scars on his craggy face. Marks from his time creating Novices, and learning his craft. I knew his body was similarly covered with deeper scars, from carving out pieces of himself to form the new souls needed to protect Earth, and Sanctuary.
“I can almost smell her, Sunny,” he rasped, his lips cracked. His features were sharper than they had been, his whole self somehow smaller, though the muscles in his arms still made my mouth dry. “I know she’s gone. I know I’ll never see her again. But it feels like she’s near.” He let out a soft laugh. “If she could return, I would tell her how I loved her. How I will never stop, though this form is dying. If I could have one thing, one prayer answered… it would be to see her again, hear her voice. I wonder what she would say?”
I fought to make my voice work. “She would tell you she was sorry, and ask you to forgive her for leaving.”
Chapter 9
Feather
The room exploded in a shower of blankets, t-shirts, and feathers as Mikhail flung himself from the bed. “Feather!” His turquoise and black eyes were wild, his chest heaving as he fought to breathe.
My own chest felt as if I’d piled a thousand stones on it. He was emaciated, so much thinner than when I’d left. Had it really been only six weeks?
“Growly Bear, what happened?”
His hands twitched, as if he would reach for me. His leather trousers hung loose, a belt with new notches securing the waist. He wore the t-shirt I’d made that saidProperty of Feather, and his wings fluttered like he might fly across the few feet between us.
“Are you real?” he murmured, his gaze darting from my feet to my stubby wings, to my face again. “Is this another dream?”
I shook my head, swallowing the lump that rose again. “No, Growly, it’s not. I’m back. I came back. And… I’m so—” My apology was lost as he let out a terrifying cry, leaped over the space between us and folded me in his arms, pressing my face into his chest. He smelled of leather and woodsmoke, and the tiniest bit funky, like he hadn’t had a bath since I’d left.
“Mine,” he growled, sounding like a bear for real. “My Feather. My love.” He rocked us back and forth for a few minutes. Or hours. I wasn’t sure. Time had no place in this reunion; there was no need to mark its passage. We were together. We were home.
Or mostly.
Finally, his grip loosened, and his lips were in my hair. “I love you… I love you,” he whispered between kisses. “I love you. If this is a dream, don’t let me wake. Let me hold you forever.” His arms shook, and I realized he was weeping.
I blinked away my own tears and pulled back enough to speak. “You’re not dreaming. And if you want me back, I’ll stay. I’ll stay with you forever, Growly. I’ll never hurt you again.”
He’d just opened his mouth to reply when a soft knocking at the hidden doorway interrupted us. Sunny called out, “Need a hand here.”
Mikhail stumbled slightly as I pulled away. “No!” he said, his voice panicked. “Don’t leave.”
“I won’t,” I promised, my heart aching at how feeble he was, and how desperate. I had done this to him. “Just getting the door.” I backed away, feeling his eyes boring into me as I walked the few yards and pushed the narrow door open.
Sunny nodded curtly at me, then bustled past, carrying a tray piled high with cloths, a steaming bowl, and a plate overflowing with fruit and cheese. “Right, now that you’re back, maybe you can convince this fellow to take a bath and eat more than two bites, hm?” She clucked her tongue, and I marveled again at how much she had changed. She literally glowed as she cleared away an old tray on a low table, replacing it with the new one. Her golden-brown glow illuminated everything, including the food he hadn’t eaten from the last time she’d done this. “If anyone can get him to eat, it would be his mate,” she said gently, nudging me toward the table... and him. I smiled at her, grateful for her support.
“She’s not my mate.” Mikhail’s words hit me in the gut like a fist, and I gasped aloud. I reached behind my neck, feeling for the feather that I knew was gone. He said he loved me… but would he choose me again, after what I’d done? After I’d almost destroyed him, abandoned him?
Sunny clucked her tongue again before murmuring, “Maybe not now. Not yet. You two should talk.” She set the tray down and left, shooting me a look I couldn’t interpret before pulling the narrow door shut behind her.
I turned to Mikhail, but he had settled on the edge of the bed again, and was watching the fire. Very pointedly not looking at me. “Would you like to eat first?” I asked, when the silence in the room grew so heavy, I felt I might crumple.
“Have you eaten?” he replied, his voice strangely formal. I walked around to the side of the bed and pulled the small table closer. I peeked up at his face—even seated, he was still taller than me—and saw something in his eyes that worried me morethan his physical state. He looked wounded, as if there were some jagged tear inside him that was still bleeding, that no bandage could ever reach.
“I haven’t,” I answered, sitting next to him and handing him a few grapes. “Can we eat together?” He nodded, and we ate in silence for a few moments.
“I know why you left,” he said suddenly. “Gavriel came to me, the night you…” He cleared his throat. “He told me he found you in Arabella’s room. He admitted what he said. That he called you… trash. Said I didn’t need you.” He huffed a small, soundless laugh and lifted a trembling hand. “Look how wrong he was.”
I bit my lip so hard, I felt blood well up. “It wasn’t just that—” I began, but he shook his head, his long hair falling over his face so I couldn’t see his expression.
“I know. It’s who you are, Feather. You were sacrificing yourself to save all of us. I know your heart. But if Gavriel hadn’t said those things, you would have spoken to me. I had a plan.” He sighed, his broad shoulders slumping. “One that didn’t mean your unmaking, or my death.”
