“It’s your first time too,” I point out.
“I’ve had sex before,” he protests.
“Yes, but not with a man.I think that puts us on equal footing in this case.”I smile and slide my fingers into his hair, pulling in the way I just discovered he loves.
He sighs, and his eyes drift closed as I lean in to press a kiss at the base of his throat.I kiss my way up his neck to his jaw, trying to get him to loosen up a bit.
“So what do you want, sweetheart?”I murmur against his skin.I never thought I’d be a pet name person, but apparently Parker is the exception to a lot of things.
His hands flex on my hips.“I want this to be good for you.I want to take care of you.”
He’s so sweet, so earnest.I almost can’t believe I got so lucky as to have him want me.
“How would you feel about fucking me?”I ask.
His eyes go as wide as saucers.If it weren’t for the way his grip tightens on my hips and his eyes flick down to my lips, I’d worry I said the wrong thing.But there seems to be an undercurrent of desire under his surprise.
“I… don’t think I’ve heard you curse before,” he says.
“It’s easier not to curse in general than it is to remember just not to curse at the library,” I explain.
“Unless you’re asking me to fuck you, apparently,” he mutters, almost to himself.“But back to that.Isn’t that a little—I mean, it’s your first time, I thought—I don’t want to hurt you.”
“That’s what prep and lube are for.”
“But—”
“If you don’t want to, or if you aren’t ready for that, I understand.”I rest my hands on his biceps and squeeze reassuringly.“But if your concern is truly just about hurting me, then you have nothing to worry about.I’m not new to anal penetration.”
“I… how?”
I bite back a grin.“Sweetheart, I may not have had sex with another person before, but I’ve had plenty of sex with myself.”
His cheeks flood with pink, and he drops his forehead to my shoulder with a groan.I try not to, I do, but I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up in my chest.
He groans again.“You aren’t laughing at me, are you?”
The humor drains out of me in an instant.“Never.I would never laugh at you.You make me laugh all the time because you make me happy, but it’s never at your expense.”
With a sigh, he wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me tight.“You make me happy, too,” he mumbles into my collarbone.
I brush a kiss to his temple, then he lifts his head.“Okay, can we go back to trying to have sex now before I embarrass myself even further?”
“You haven’t embarrassed yourself.At least, I’m not embarrassed by you,” I assure him.
He huffs, but there’s a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.“Still.”
“We can do whatever you want.We don’t have to make a big deal out of this.I know what I like, at least when I’m by myself, and you know what you like.I trust you, and I hope you trust me.”
“I do.”
It makes me smile, how seriously he says it.“Then tell me what you want—not what you think I want or will make me feel good—what you want.”
He seems to think about it for a moment, and his thumbs trace circles on my hipbones as he does.“I think I just want to explore, if that’s okay.”
“Of course.”I lean in and brush our noses together.“That gives me the opportunity to figure out just how many freckles you have.”
He pulls back and gives me an amused look.“My freckles?”
