Leaning my head against her shoulder, I closed my eyes and smiled. “Being loved by him is the best gift I’ve ever been given. I won’t ever take that for granted.”
“I know you won’t. I’m glad I still get to have him as my best friend, and that I’ve gained another one like you.” She wrapped her arm around my back, holding me close.
My phone buzzed with a text from Elio just as Emerson walked in, pausing when he saw all of us on the floor. “Did you all collapse at the same time? Or…”
Olivia shrugged. “You left us to do all this hard work. What else were you expecting?”
He narrowed his eyes, smoothing out the white shirt he wore under his work clothes. “Just be glad they let me have a short shift so I could be here for this. You’re the one who agreed, so just remember that.”
“You’ve got good timing, Da—” I cleared my throat, my eyes going wide. “Uh, damn. Damn, you’ve got good timing. Elio said he and Crescent will be here soon to haul the big stuff.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “It seems I do. Do we know what size U-Haul they rented?”
“No, I have no idea. They just said it’ll definitely fit the couch and bed, just not at the same time, so we’ll see.”
Kelly was staring at the couch, grimacing. “That’s going to be a bitch to get down the stairs.”
Em nodded. “Most definitely, but I believe in us. If I could get a really drunk Star up the stairs in one piece, I think I can handle a couch. Especially with how many of us will be helping.” He put his hands on his hips, tilting his head as he assessed the couch as well. “Oh, speaking of Star, is she coming?”
“Hah! Good one.” I pushed myself up off the floor. “My sister wouldn’t help me move if I paid her. I love her, but no.”
“What a shame. I wanted to meet her.” Olivia frowned.
“You will one day. I’m sure Em and I will have dinner or something and invite everyone.”
Emerson pulled me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. “We’ll have hundreds of them. I’m going to go wait outside foryour brothers. You guys wanna come bring some of those boxes to my car?”
Both Olivia and Kelly groaned dramatically, but each grabbed a box. Grabbing Em’s face in my hands, I gave him a peck on the lips before pulling away. “I’ll order some pizza when we get some stuff moved in. I’m going to pick up my glass real quick, and I’ll meet you guys out there.”
“Sounds good, baby.”
Once they’d all left, I looked around, letting it sink in. This was really happening. I was going to leave my dark chasm of solitude and live with Officer Blake, the man who’d given me my first taste of freedom.
I’d started to realize when I woke up in the mornings that I wasn’t having nightmares like I used to. The world wasn’t constantly painted in a film of splattered red, and in the times it was, I could get myself to see through it. I wasn’t afraid of showing the marks Jude had given me. I didn’t see Sarah’s lifeless body after every corner I turned. I wasn’t seeing Jude’s eyes every time I closed mine.
Was this how Crescent and Elio felt when they started therapy? Like there was a whole new world before them to explore?
I gathered my stained glass pieces, taking special care not to knock them around too much. The blood splatter I’d made stared back at me, the red and orange colors in it twinkling when it caught the sun. I took it down, cradling it in my hand, remembering the night I’d made it. The night I’d decided to deprive myself of the light in Emerson.
His notes were packed away in the box from my bedroom, waiting to be taken with me on my new path in life. The cuts I’d given myself over those next few days had healed into scars, and I knew they’d fade. They’d fade into a reminder only I could truly understand the significance of.
The day I’d brought the red to life was the day I’d almost given up on everything, not understanding that my everything was patiently waiting for me to open the door. He never wavered. He never gave up. He showed up and helped me wash it all away—a reminder that my heart was worth holding. Not despite, not even though, but through. I was worth loving through every hard moment. Every good moment. Every moment, period.
I stopped by the bathroom, turning the light on and staring at the tile. The same tile Emerson had held me on as I bled what I thought was my punishment in liquid form.
I looked at the bathtub. The same bathtub where I’d finally spoken my truth to someone other than myself.
I pulled the drawer open, which was still full of stuff I’d have to pack separately, since I’d told everyone to leave it be for this exact reason. I picked up the razor—the same one I’d used on my skin over a dozen times, refusing to get rid of it until it was dull. There was a dot of blood at the edge of its single blade that didn’t get washed away. My blood. The blood I’d spilled as some sort of repentance for the deeds I’d considered evil for so long.
Gripping the handle in my palm, I walked over to the trash can and threw it in. I might end up buying another one in the future when the cravings got too strong. I might regret throwing it away at some point. But for right now, at this moment, I didn’t need it.
I didn’t need it because I was going home.
Shutting the light off, I made my way out the door, juggling the glass in one arm as I shut the door behind me. When I turned around, peering over the balcony, I saw it. Crescent and Elio had brought Mom and Dad’s RV to haul my furniture into. For a second, I was frozen, remembering the night I’d brought it to their apartment, only to not even use it.
Crescent looked up at the balcony from below and started to wave at me. “Moon! Come here!”
I wasn’t sure if I could.
