Crescent looked down at the table. “Yeah. Not to dump my shit on you, but I have had a long history of mental health struggles. I didn’t get help until after I’d tried to kill myself. Andthen, more recently, I hid it from everyone again until I had a whole breakdown and finally told Elio after he confessed his love for me.” He huffed a short, pained laugh. “It was a weird time. I know hiding it is a possibility because I did it. Maybe Moon wouldn’t do that, but again, he hates asking for help already.”
My mouth was far too dry, and everything in the bakery was far too loud, mixing with the ringing and turning it into static in my ears. I sucked coffee through my straw, trying to make the cotton mouth feeling go away. God, I hoped Moon didn’t do that. I hoped he wasn’t at the point of hurting himself, or worse.
I cleared my throat. “I’ll, um. I’ll go check on him. See if he’ll open the door for me. I’ll go every day if I have to.”
“Please let me know if he does.”
“I will.”
“Promise?”
Though I shouldn’t have been smiling, I was. Moon had asked me the same thing at least a dozen times, and I’d always answered it the same way. “I promise.”
The moment I got in my car, I headed over to Moon’s apartment complex. I made my way back up to his front door and knocked. Once again, I wasn’t sure if he was home or if he’d even listen to me, but I knocked. And knocked. And knocked.
No response. “I’m going to keep showing up, Moon. I won’t give up on you.” No response. No text. Nothing. “Moon, just open the door, please. Your brothers are worried about you.” Nothing.
I took out my notepad and used the door to keep it in place so I could write on it.
I saw the pain in your eyes the first day we met. Recently, I got to see what they looked at with happiness in the mix. Let me keep giving your eyes a reason to sparkle. Let me be your light.
-Your boyfriend, your Daddy, your friend, Emerson.
I slid the paper beneath his door, turned my back, and left. It was no less painful than the day before.
Day three,and I still hadn’t gotten a response from him. But I kept showing up. I kept being there for him, even if he didn’t want me to be. I couldn’t lose hope. Not now. Not ever. I wouldn’t give up on him.
I want to be there for you, Moon. Let me in. Let me hold your heart. Let me hold your pain, so it isn’t as heavy. I’ll come by again tomorrow.
-Your boyfriend, your Daddy, your friend, Emerson.
Day four.Fucking crickets.
I don’t know what to do anymore, Moon. I’m about to do a welfare check on you, I swear to god. The messy parts are what makes it beautiful. Don’t forget that.
-Your boyfriend, your friend, your Daddy, Emerson.
Day five.
You are capable of love. You are capable of being loved. You are allowed to need help. At the end of the day, I’m here, willing to hold all of your secrets, good and bad. I will hold your pieces. I will hold your heart.
You just have to open the door.
-Your boyfriend, Emerson.
Day six.
I was a fucking mess. There was still no word from Moon, and I’d been trying really hard to respect his wishes and not freak the fuck out, but that was becoming impossible. I was ready to call Marcus to come check out his place or break his door down myself. Neither of which would be within the respect for his wishes part.
Harrison had stopped talking to me before he died. I’d gone five days without busting his door down, finally trying to give him some space rather than worrying myself to death about him.
On the sixth day, I’d finally had enough. I was so full of worry and dread and pure anger at the fact that he couldn’t even return a call or text that I ended up busting his door anyway. And thenI’d found him. Dead. On his bathroom floor, his body already cold to the touch.
I shook my head, trying to remind myself that Moon wasn’t Harrison. It was unfair of me to compare them like that. Moon had given me no reason to believe he’d harm himself. So, I wrote a note and stuck it under his door, ignoring how I could hardly hear my pen marking against the paper over how loud the ringing was in my ears.
Remember that first day in the interrogation room? I’d promised you that you’d be okay. I meant it. You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it. No matter what I have to do. No matter how I have to do it.
-Emerson
