I smiled a little at hearing Elio call them Mom and Dad, just like he used to when we were kids. It was endearing and broughtback so many good memories. But then I remembered why I was talking to them. “Am I still like that?”
Crescent sighed. I knew it was him because of how long it was and how close to the speaker. I had to pull my phone away from my ear and put it on speaker. “Remember not too long ago when you kept calling and texting me, and when I told you I had stuff going on that wasn’t related to my mental health, you sent me a therapist’s name and address? And then just the other day, you asked me if I’d taken my meds even though I’m a grown man in therapy with a boyfriend who also helps me remember?”
“Oh my God, I was worried about you! And for good fucking reason, asshole. And! And! Might I add that you listened to me in the end, even if it was in a roundabout way? You got Elio to see that therapist, and then you ended up seeing one at the same office.”
“Not because of you.”
“I put the seed in your brain!”
“No, you became a thorn in my side. Honestly, yes, Moon, you’ve always been very overprotective. I grew to appreciate it and understand it, but Star and I are very different people.”
“Wow. So you don’t love me anymore. I see how it is.” I pulled the blankets further over myself, tightening my cocoon.
“How in the fuck did you get that from what I said? You are so fucking drama-”
“Okay, honey. Calm down.” Elio stepped in. “Moon, I didn’t have you as my brother for as long as Crescent or Star. I personally wouldn’t say you were overbearing. I’d say you cared about us and protected us. But you kind of went haywire with Star. She’s a very independent person, and she’s figuring herself out in college.”
I groaned with exasperation. “Exactly! She’s figuring herself out. Which can be dangerous, as we all should know, okay, so she needs some guidance.”
“Are you going to listen and accept our truths, or are you going to keep making excuses so you can feel better about yourself?” Elio’s voice sounded different. More serious. Way more serious than I was ever used to hearing from him, and it kind of broke my heart. I had a soft spot where Elio was concerned. I never wanted to make him upset.
“I’ll listen.”
“Okay, good. I can understand why something like that would make her push away. She hates being told what to do. She probably hates that you’ve insinuated she can’t take care of herself. Crescent and I can deal with it. That doesn’t mean she can. Is she still mad at you?”
I felt a little embarrassed to admit anything. “She said I used to suck the fun out of everything, and she thought it’d gotten better, but then she called me for help, and she got a lecture instead.”
There was silence on the line. Too much silence, honestly. It started to freak me out. Crescent broke it first. “Yeah, that’s tough, man. Have you apologized?”
“Yes.”
“Sincerely?”
I shrugged. He couldn’t see it, but I did.
“Moon. Come on. Apologize and ease up on her. Please, for the love of god. It’ll repair your relationship with time, okay? I don’t know the reason behind you being so overprotective, or if it’s just big brother instinct, but there’s a time and a place. Star obviously needs something to change.”
It was a mixture. A mixture of big brother instinct and something else. Something else I’d never utter to my brothers. But after learning about Jude hurting Elio right under our noses, and none of us ever knew? That only made it worse, I think. I wasn’t sure how else to explain it.
I’d never in a million years would’ve thought I’d be so terrified that I’d ask my sister to give me her location at all times. If she’d said yes, I would’ve been watching her every move.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“I’ll apologize, but I can’t promise a thing. Just so you guys know, too.”
Elio laughed. “We know, Moon. You defend the ones you love like it’s your last dying breath. I’ve seen it in real time.”
As I was slowly choking to death, Jude’s hands wrapped around my throat in a vise grip, slowly taking my soul and life down to hell with him and Sarah. “Yeah. I love you guys.”
They both spoke in unison. “We love you, too.”
I hung up the call, staring at the text thread between Star and I. Arguing with her was slowly tearing me apart. Knowing I’d been the one to hurt her feelings? Even worse.
Me
I’m sorry. Truly. I had no idea I was acting like that, or that it made you feel like this. I’m really, really fucking sorry, Starry. I’ll do better. I promise.
Star
