I havea bitof a crush on him—if it wasn’t clear. Probably because he’s the only one in the family who doesn’t handle me with kid gloves. He goes in the opposite direction, actually, like he couldn’t care less that I’m even here. He usually doesn’t even come to these gatherings.
The only time I found myself alone with him was seven months ago. I tried talking to him, but he didn’t seem interested in conversing back. He only responded with noncommittal sounds and let awkward silences sit between us while he stood with his hands in his jeans pockets. His behavior turned me all fidgety. He always has such a commanding gaze, I can’t look away during the rare times he aims it at me. And when he talks? His deep voice comes out raspy and sexy.
Ezra reminds me ofthe time between dog and wolf,a French saying. It’s the time of day when the sun is at a certain height in the sky, and its light is such that it becomes difficult to distinguish between a dog and a wolf. The light comes up from behind, illuminating everything else while enveloping the animal in temporary darkness. Just like Ezra is surrounded by mystery, I can’t tell if he’s a loyal dog or a wild wolf. If he’s known or unknown. Friend or foe. That’s what makes my crush on Ezra even more thrilling. The impossibility, the illusion behind it. I know it won’t get anywhere. Ezra barely knows I exist.
I’m too delicate-looking—pale skin, big eyes, small upturned nose, and lanky body on top of the awkward demeanor. From a very young age—too young—I’ve had men leering at me. Most of them were my father’sfriends,drug dealers, thieves, abusers, losers—they made my blood turn to ice. Thankfully, Ollie was there to protect me, and I started hiding myself under loose clothes and big glasses to avoid those repulsive gazes.
But when I imagine Ezra looking at me, his eyes following down the line of my body and all the way up again until they lock with mine, disgust is the last thing on my mind. I would feel sexy, even tempted. The only thing a virgin like me can do, though, is fantasize. Like creating a masked man and having him ravish me in my dreams. Could I be more pathetic? Lori is right. I need to actually experience things.
Sensing a new determination filling my chest, I push back my chair and walk inside the cottage. Ollie and Rague are in the kitchen, plating food and groping each other. Ugh! Hearing my brother giggling still feels weird.
I walk down the hallway and close the bathroom door behind me. My reflection in the mirror is looking back at me. Black glasses, bright cheeks, wind-tousled hair, and trembling, chapped lips. I catalogue what I’m wearing and wince at the puffy jacket, loose jeans, and oversized sweatshirt with a small tear near the collar. I hate shopping, but I need to stop hiding and step into this scary, wonderful world. I’ve moved to the university dorm, but I could easily still be living here since I’m not embracing the fun part of being a student. I’ve been too cautious. I need to remember that my whole family is behind me. They’ll never let anything else happen to me.
One breath at a time, one step at a time.And now is the time to do more.
I take off my jacket and leave it on the stool near the sink. I relieve myself and wash my hands. I know what to do when I go back to the dorm. I’m going to use what Lori left in my desk drawer. I’m kind of excited about it, and I’m still thinking about it when I make my way out and forget the step just outside the bathroom.
My foot meets empty air, and my arms thrash as my head and spine do their best to leap sideways out of my skin. I gasp just as an arm wraps around my waist and yanks me against an iron chest. The wind is knocked out of me. My face is squashed into a shoulder, and I suck in a deep breath—of Ezra. Fresh pine and a faint hint of ash, arousing and soothing at the same time.
I can’t seem to move. My eyes close as I let my body relax against his for a moment, feet dangling. I’m so glad I forgot my jacket in the bathroom, since the few layers separating us are already annoying. He shifts us until my back meets the wall. He isn’t letting me go, and I don’t want him to. There’s a perfect spot between his collar and shoulder that fits my cheek beautifully. Pushing away my regrets for later, I rub my face right there, and I feel his long fingers flex against my waist.
With great effort, I lift my head, and the strong column of his throat fills my vision. I blink and put both hands up without thinking. They land on his chest, and my fingers experience his body warmth for the first time.
“Little Chick,” Ezra says softly, very close to my ear. His breath ruffles my hair and my insides.
What did he call me?
I tip my head back, and it hits the wall, while I keep looking up into Ezra’s serious face. It’s only inches from mine. Nosunglasses. At this distance, his eyes aren’t as dark as I thought. There’s more amber than green, and the irises are encircled by a black line that contains all the colors.
He. Is. Magnificent. Not in a pretty way, but full-on hotness and masculine gorgeousness. It’s as if someone has tailored everything about Ezra to my exact tastes. His warm golden skin makes my mouth salivate, tongue ready to taste. But his jaw is clenching again. Now that I think about it, I seem to have this effect on him—a negative one. That’s why I push away the crazy urge to reach up and caress the light fawn stubble covering his cheek.
His arm is still around me, strong and steady. Perhaps he thinks that if he were to let me go, I’d trip over my very own two feet—very possible. Even more at this moment when my brain has stopped functioning and a fire has built in my belly, turning the butterflies into bloodthirsty bats.
I falter when I hear him growl, low and deep. Eyes laser-focused on my face like he’s trying to read my thoughts—all embarrassing ones. I can’t help it. He stamped himself on my mind’s eye from the very first moment. And thinking about moments, can this please last forever?
“You hurt?” he asks me, his voice dips to a rumbling tone that rushes right down to my groin. He’s still unmoving. Brows pulled together. Molten gaze implacably on me. Right now he’s more like a guard dog than a wolf.
I shake my head and give a little smile. “I’m fine. I-I’m sorry I’m such a klutz, I…” I can’t think with him so close. A moment to take a breather is urgently needed, but when I push against his hard, strong pecs, he doesn’t budge.
“Be more careful.” His voice vibrates deliciously through my torso where it presses against his. That plump mouth is just a breath away from mine, so close…
I press my lips together and quickly tear my eyes away from him, lowering them down and away from temptation. I can see the vein in the side of his neck pulsing now. I can’t take his nearness anymore, his touch, his warmth is too much—my dick is going rogue. Being surrounded by Ezra’s bigger body creates prickles of sweat down my spine and blazing flames all over my shivering body. I feel his fingers twitching on my hip.
“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asks in an almost-snarl that never fails to make my traitorous dick take notice.
“No!” I exclaim too hurriedly, too loudly, jerking my head up to look at his face. “It’s in my wheelhouse.”What the hell did I just say?Blabbering like an idiot while he looks all unfazed and in control. Dauntless. “How do you hide all your thoughts?”
He frowns.Fuck! I said that out loud.
“I mean, your face doesn’t give any of your emotions away. How do you do that? I’d like to learn.”
His half-lidded eyes are darkly fixed on me like an amused predator studying a possible prey. They lock me in place—those and his unyielding body.
After a moment’s hesitation, he slides his arm out from behind me, my feet touch the floor again, and he takesonly onestep back. Space between us is what I need, but it’s not what I want.
“What happened to your shoulder?”
My anxiety ramps up a notch. How does he know about the little ache I still feel after the car mishap with Ren? Did I wince while I was in his arms?
