I flopped onto my back, and my wings twinged. I hadn’t let them out all day. As I was in an empty cargo bay and it was late, I slipped my shirt off and began to undo the leather harness on my chest. The buckles and ties came undone with practiced ease.The harness fell to the metal floor with a clink of the buckles striking, and my wings flared.
The muscles pulled and stretched as I flapped, making me moan. I needed to release my wings more frequently, but I rarely had time. One of my wings, while small, stretched to past the length of my arm, while the other didn’t even meet my elbow. My left wing was malformed. The bone at the top was twisted, and the talon nearly poked through the membrane. It was very small and crumpled.
While drakcol who are born via a uterus are rarer, I was one of those children. The malformation could and did occur to kits in fetal tubes, but most assumed my disability comes from being born via uterus. It didn’t. The malformation was a matter of genetics.
Nothing could fix it, and I had long ago come to terms with not being able to fly. Now, as an adult, I wasn’t even angry about it, and if there were new technology that suddenly allowed me to “fix” my wing, I doubted I would use it. I was happy with who I was, including my wing.
But I so despised the pitying looks, the offers to take me flying, or the congratulations on making it so far in my life. It irritated me beyond measure. So I didn’t usually allow my wings to show when I was with other people, except for my intimate partners. Anyone who was a long term fuck friend of mine didn’t care about my wing, nor did they make such remarks. They saw me for who I was, and not my wing or my inability to fly.
Part of me worried about how Monqilcolnen would see me. Did he even know about my wing? Seth did, and he didn’t care. Caleb had learned of it as a ghost, and now he had his own mobility issues; it was something we’d connected on. Caleb was also using his status to help Barcoltin, a disabled woman who led the movement for accessibility, meet with the Cohort. I didn’tknow how much they were accomplishing, but I supported them both.
While others didn’t care, would Monqilcolnen? And did he know?
My medical records were in my file, but he couldn’t access them without cause. Me becoming his assistant for a few weeks wasn’t cause enough to look into my medical files.
My eyes fell close as I lay back on the ground. Which did I prefer? That he had looked or hadn’t looked?
I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed in the slightest, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be. If he was, did I wish to be with someone who would view me as less than? I scoffed. That was a non-question. I refused to fuck, let alone court, anyone who saw me in such a light, regardless of who they were.
Even if Monqilcolnen didn’t see my wing as something that made me deficient, that didn’t mean others would not.
I shook my head. I was going in circles. This wasn’t productive. I could already feel a worthlessness I’d banished long ago resurfacing, and I wouldn’t allow myself to undo cycles of hard work. I was perfectly happy and content in my life, which was worthwhile regardless of my origins. Monqilcolnen coming in didn’t enhance or detract from my worthwhileness, and I refused to let even a single thought of that ilk take root.
Sitting up, I unbraided my hair and massaged my scalp as I stretched my wings. More relaxed, I snagged my screen and began to work on my AI kill code.
Chapter 22
Permissions are a must.
I smoothed a hand down my dark brown shirt and took a deep breath. I had yet to lay eyes on Wyn since the ground-shaking kiss, and I needed to confirm what happened had actually occurred, that what I felt was returned, that this wasn’t a fluke Wyn would deny now that we’d separated for a few hours.
If Wyn denied me or ran away, I had no idea what I would do. My feelings for him were… impossible to describe. He was simply the most wonderful person I’d ever met, and I wished to get to know him more—better. But more than that, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Wyn.
Some might say this was far too soon for me to feel as I did, and yet what was time weighted against emotion? What were afew weeks in comparison to the rest of my life? Nothing. Wyn was my soul, and I couldn’t change that, nor would I if it was even possible. I cared about him far too much.
“NAID,” I called, looking at the screen in the shared space of my quarters.
Its usual blue silhouette appeared, but it wasn’t alone. Edith flashed beside NAID. Her towering blue curls and wrinkled skin were impossible to miss even though she was gone in a blink of an eye. I fought a growl. I’d forbidden Edith from infiltrating theAdmiral Ven’ssystems, and yet she’d chosen not to heed me.
“Yes, Commander?” NAID asked, expression blank and seemingly unbothered by its sentient counterpart.
“Where is Lieutenant Wyn?”
“In cargo bay four.”
“Thank you. That will be all.”
NAID vanished from sight, but Edith returned, giving me a mischievous smile. Once again, I couldn’t help but wonder if Caleb and Edith Smith of Earth were similar, because Edith the sentient NAID bore many striking similarities to Caleb. Or perhaps they were both outgoing, happy beings.
“I believe I told you to not worm your way into theAdmiral Ven’ssystems,” I commented, giving Edith a level look.
My tone and expression did nothing to her. She grinned and bounced across the screen. “I’m aware, and I told you I cannot leave my family for over two years.”
“You are not leaving them, Edith,” I replied. “You are still free to contact them, and they you, but you do not have leave to integrate into theAdmiral Ven. It is dangerous for you, NAID, and the passengers on board. As commander of this ship, it is my duty to protect each and every person on this vessel, and you are actively endangering them.”
Her smile fell, and her eyes darted down. “I’m not trying to cause trouble.”
Part of me highly doubted that. Edith often liked to make trouble. She and Seth were an odd combination together, but it had to be said that the two of them did cause havoc at times. Edith knew better, unlike Seth—though my uncle and aunt had had many conversations with Seth over the three cycles he’d been mated to Kalvoxrencol.
