I opened my eyes and stilled, my soul throbbing. Monqilcolnen was in front of me, resting on the side of a couch. His eyes were closed, and his hair covered him, draping over his broad shoulder and down to his flat stomach. His tapered ear poked through his hair, showing off the simple gold studstrailing down the cartilage. There was nothing elaborate or excessive about the studs. In fact, they looked nearly identical to mine—plain, simple gold.
The simplicity fit him and held its own allure.
I had no idea where I was. The room was unfamiliar. It had the same layout as all of the senior quarters, except this one had different artifacts placed carefully on full bookshelves, bright paintings in a variety of styles on the walls, and thick, patterned rugs layered over the floor, which was against regulations because it wasn’t good for the moss, as well as an elaborate cat shrine that looked like a human dwelling with plenty of openings for the house god to enter and exit. And a realistic tree sprawling to the ceiling and out over the shared space, giving the cat plenty of places to lounge.
I shifted to get a better view, and something sharp dug into my chest. Cincin glared, her ears and tail flicking in annoyance, before curling up into a tighter ball.
Cincin. Monqilcolnen. I didn’t need anything more than that. I was in his quarters. Why? I would’ve preferred not to be here, and I was sure Monqilcolnen would have agreed if he was awake. Still, he’d brought me here, which meant he’d had no other choice.
My fingers slid toward him of their own accord, dragging over the soft couch. I’d never had the chance to look at Monqilcolnen like this—unobserved and unpressured. My finger ran down his forehead, nose, lips, and chin, scraping against his scales and eliciting a tingle of awareness. I pulled back, my hand fisting. I shouldn’t have touched him, and yet, I had.
Something inside me loosened the longer I stared at him. I couldn’t help but wonder if Urgg was right. We, or rather I, had shed blood in a fight. I highly doubted Monqilcolnen and I would become sworn comrades, especially not from that smallinjury, but perhaps we could move forward in a way that was less embarrassing for me.
Unbidden, my fingers returned to his face. Studying him without any pressure or anyone else around was oddly nice. I’d always found Monqilcolnen attractive, because he was, objectively, but it had never influenced my feelings much in regards to him. I didn’t expect that to change, but my soul did pick up a bit from being so close to him, from touching him. He was so warm.
His golden eyes suddenly opened, and I paused with my fingers on his forehead. He smiled; it was a small thing that barely quirked the corner of his lips, but it was enough to soften his entire aspect from the bored expression he always wore.
“How do you feel?” he asked. “I shouldn’t have slept. Qinlin will be quite angry if she finds out.”
I continued to stare at him, my fingers on his forehead, which he hadn’t remarked on.
“Wyn? Are you well?” Monqilcolnen straightened, and my hand fell to the couch. He pressed his palm against my cheek and then my forehead. “You do not feel abnormally warm. Are you dizzy? Nauseous? What about your vision?”
Words. I had to find words, but they had slipped away with the feel of his palm against my face. My gaze skittered from him as the urge to flee surged up, like it always did.
“No,” Monqilcolnen said, his hand falling away from me. “Not today, Wyn. You are more than welcome to run away any other day, but today you’re injured, and I need to know if you are well.”
“How?” I asked in a quiet voice. “How did you know I was going to flee?”
“It was rather obvious from your body language. Now, how are you feeling?”
“My head hurts, but I’m well.” My tail flicked. I wanted to leave. Anytime Monqilcolnen looked at me, a strong force grewin my gut and made me feel rather helpless. I hated to be helpless. No. I’d had enough of that as a child. I was now in the first phase of adulthood, and I would do all that I could to never be helpless again. So when Monqilcolnen made me feel like that… All I could do was flee.
“That’s to be expected, but are you dizzy, nauseous, or having double vision?”
“Afraid I’ll vomit on you again?” I teased, then pulled back, making Cincin growl in warning. I couldn’t believe I’d brought that up, let alone teased him about it. I hated it; it wasn’t some joke between us.
A soft breath, not quite a laugh, sounded and made me look up. Monqilcolnen was smiling brightly, his chin resting on the edge of the couch and his golden eyes shining with mirth. I swallowed, my soul thrumming. I’d never seen him look like this before, and I wasn’t certain if I’d ever be the same again. No, I was certain I wouldn’t be. Seeing this smile once wasn’t going to be enough. I was going to have to see Monqilcolnen look like this often. Maybe forever.
Tone light, he replied, “No, I’m not worried about that. What is five times compared to four? Not much.”
I dropped my head to the couch with a low groan, then stared at Monqilcolnen; he returned my look, expression reverting to his usual serene mask. Never was I going to have a better opportunity than right now. “Can I ask you a question, Commander?”
“How about, right now, I’m not a commander and you’re not a lieutenant? You may ask me whatever you wish.”
My hands clenched, and my tail curled around my ankle. Nerves churned in my gut. I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to know. I took a deep breath, and a sharp yet soothing scent made my nostrils twitch. Monqilcolnen. By the Crystal, he smelled wonderful. How had I not noticed before?
“Why do you tell that story?” I asked.
“Of you vomiting? Why wouldn’t I? It’s amusing.”
My eyes dropped to the deep blue couch. “I do not find it so.”
“Why not?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
Silence prevailed for so long I forced myself to look at him, terrified he’d be mad. As much as he said we would put our ranks aside for this conversation, the looming chasm between us remained. He was related to the royal family, he was my commander, and he was over ten cycles my senior.
