But certain skill sets had come out of my childhood: the ability to move quickly and quietly and to fight with my hands, and a great tolerance for pain. Of course there was a certain negative that had also come from it—connecting emotionally was exceedingly difficult for me.
Sex? That was easy. I never lacked for a partner when I so desired it, but I never cared for any of them for more than a passing acquaintance. Urgg, then Seth, followed by Edith, were my first friends, the first people who I truly cared for. I didn’t need or want anything else. Though, when I allowed it, sometimes seeing couples like Urgg and Talvax and Seth and Kalvoxrencol would open a pit in my gut. Fierce longing for someone to be by my side, to care for me as I cared for them, and to never be alone again swept through me. Most of the time, I could ignore such foolish thoughts.
Crouching, I peeked around a rock and stilled until I was basically another stone formation. Monqilcolnen was in front of me. His back faced me as he looked at something ahead of him. This was my chance. I brought up my non-dominant hand, steadying it on the craggy rock. One shot. A single shot. That was it. Nothing more. Perhaps, for once, I wouldn’t be completely useless with a blaster.
I pulled the trigger, and the orange beam went wide, crashing into the rock above Monqilcolnen’s head. It shattered, raining down debris. He whirled around, and our gaze connected. For a single moment, we hesitated, eyes locked. My pulse thrummed in my ears. I couldn’t look away, and neither could he, it seemed.
Slowly, Monqilcolnen extended a hand, like he wished for me to hold it, but that movement broke the haze clouding my thoughts. With my soul in my throat, I ran in the opposite direction, rounding the outcroppings as fast as possible. Feet sounded behind me, but I was fast. I wouldn’t let him catch me.
Someone slammed into my legs, but I rolled as we fell to the ground and wiggled on top of them. Monqilcolnen was beneath me, his golden eyes wide. I pushed off him, intending to run again and hoping he wouldn't shoot me in the back, but he tripped me and I fell again. We grappled for several moments until I was on top again, pinning his arms above his head. Our heaving chests pressed together as we stared at each other.
He lifted a single eyebrow, and my soul stuttered. I started to scramble off him the exact same moment he rolled, catching me in the temple with his elbow. I crashed to the ground, my eyes blurry. Blood dripped down my cheek. My hearing turned to water, everything warbling and distant. The blow hadn’t even hurt that badly, but when I blinked my eyes, I couldn’t seem to clear the sudden blurriness. All I could focus on was the green blood covering my fingers.
Monqilcolnen’s face appeared over me. His white hair tickled my cheeks and his lips moved, but I couldn’t hear it. He cupped my cheek. “Wyn,” he said, my name cutting through the static. “Wyn.”
When I didn’t respond, his arms came around me, and my head flopped onto his shoulder. Monqilcolnen cradled me close and strode out of the experience. Consciousness slipped through my fingers as the door slid closed behind us.
I hovered over Wyn’s unconscious body in the medbay. His face was slack and his body was limp. Qinlin worked on him, appearing utterly unconcerned.
“So?” I demanded. My instincts screamed that I should yank him into my arms once again. I’d enjoyed the feel of him there. Wyn had fit perfectly within my embrace, as if he belonged there. At the same time, my inner fire repeated, non-stop,Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Soon.
That “soon” was taking far too long for my peace of mind. I needed it now, though whatever this was couldn’t be rushed. It was difficult to remember that when Wyn was lying lifeless in the medbay, and I was the one who’d placed him there.
“Here again. This one is here often,” she commented, her voice rough.
“Is he well?” I asked, struggling to stay calm. It was unusual for me to lose control, but something about Wyn being injured stoked my anger like nothing else ever had. He was special—utterly special.
“He will be fine. Concussion. He shouldn’t be left alone. If he vomits, starts twitching uncontrollably, develops a fever, hasblurry vision, or suddenly detests light, bring him back,” she said, her claws clacking away on a screen.
I paused. “I’m to take responsibility for him?”
Qinlin glanced at me. “What? You want me to hold his tail? I’m far too busy, Commander. You broke him, you keep him. That seems fair.”
“I’m your superior officer.”
She tucked the screen under her arm, tail flicking. Her eyes didn’t deviate from mine. “I am in charge of everyone on this ship’s health, including yours, Commander. I cannot be forced to observe some lieutenant who happened to walk into your elbow. Watch him yourself or pass his care off to another. Perhaps Seth Harris? Though I believe it would be in your best interests to watch him.”
“Why?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“It’s rather obvious when you know the signs.”
I was about to question her further, but an ensign came in with a crewman who had a deep slice on their arm. Green blood soaked through the makeshift bandage. Qinlin snapped at me, “Take your injured lieutenant and get out of my way, Commander.”
Wyn was still out of it when I scooped him into my arms. Once again, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of rightness. He belonged here, with me; I was sure of it. What I didn’t know washowwe belonged together yet.
Chapter 11
Where am I?
I didn’t have Wyn’s permissions, and yet, I was carrying him, which he wouldn’t care for, and it wasn’t right, even though he fit perfectly within my arms. His head was tucked against me, and his breath rushed over the delicate scales on my neck, each exhale sending sparks down my spine. I wanted him to nuzzle me, to release my scent onto him, to cover him so all could smell me on him.
I paused. Interesting. I wanted him to scent mark me and for me to mark him in return. That was new.
My inner fire continued with the same litany of “not yet” while my instincts demanded Wyn remain right where he was, beside me. I was unsure of what to make of the dichotomy of feelings.
All of that didn’t matter at this exact moment. Wyn’s care was the priority. Seth was the best choice. Wyn would much rather wake up in his quarters than in mine, as much as I craved him to be in mine. I wanted the light scent clinging to him to permeate my quarters, so I could smell him all the time, so his scent could mingle with my own, so a small part of him would claim my quarters. However, Wyn’s comfort took precedence over my own desires.
Decided, I turned toward the lift and took it to deck two. Outside their door, I couldn’t push the panel to signal I was outside. Instead, I said, “NAID.”
