I smoothed my uniform and looked at Monqilcolnen. He was sitting on the edge of our bed, rubbing my scales that sat in the bracer I’d given him. I moved to crouch in front of him, resting my hand on his, and looked up at him. Monqilcolnen didn’t react to my touch, nor did his eyes look up from my soul scales.
“It’s not your fault,” I said, gripping his hand.
He didn’t react.
Monqilcolnen was still grieving his parents, and now, with the new deaths, he wasn’t coping well. I kissed his knuckles, then rested my cheek on his hand. He gripped my braid as his breathing increased.
“It could’ve been you,” he whispered. “I could’ve lost you.”
“And I could’ve lost you.” I looked up at him. “That is life. We have no guarantees, Monqilcolnen. I’m hurting,” I confessed. “I lost friends, and I know you have too. But it’s not either of our faults. It just is. It happened. I wish it didn’t.”
“As do I.”
I arched up to kiss him. “But I have you and you have me, and we are going to this funeral to say goodbye.”
He closed his eyes.
“It’s a lot.” I took a deep inhale to keep my burning tears in check. “But I need you beside me.”
“Then I will be.”
“Thank you.”
His hand curled behind my neck and pulled me close to press a lingering kiss to my lips. “I will be with you every day until my last breath and be grateful to have the honor of walking beside you, holding you, and loving you.”
Tears slid down my cheeks. I didn’t know why fate had chosen to align mine and Monqilcolnen’s paths, but I was the thankful one. He was the best thing in my life, and I would never take him for granted. I pressed my lips to his.
“You are my soul, my star, my future.”
Nuzzling my forehead, he pulled me up until I could crawl onto his lap. I wound my arms around his neck while his went about my waist. Today wouldn’t be easy, but this was necessary for us, the crew, to say goodbye and continue forward, not that the grief or pain would vanish.
“Come, Mate,” he said, planting his hands on my hips. “It’s time.”
I wasn’t ready, but then again, I never would be. However, I climbed off his lap and took his tail. We made our way through the tunnels to the observation deck once more. Space funerals were different, especially as not everyone was a drakcol.
The space was full, unsurprisingly, and we took a spot against the window, not far from Talvax, who stood opposite of the door, with Urgg at her side. I spotted Seth and Bartholomew with the princes, but I didn’t move from Monqilcolnen’s side. I saw Qinlin near the door with Klars next to her, which neither looked happy about, but neither moved.
Eventually, Talvax raised her hands, and the quiet murmurs ceased. She clasped her hands behind her back. “Finding the words to say are impossible. I tried for hours, staring at images of those we lost.” She shook her head, then said, “Until I realized I would never be able to sum up all of their lives into something meaningful. I wish I could, but death is never easy. It is never pleasant. And someone is always left behind grieving. Some of you knew these people well, and others, you saw their faces in the corridors and counted on them to watch your back in trouble or to simply lend a hand completing a task.
“Each of them was important. Each had a part to play. Each had a story. Sadly, we all know how it ended. Here. I wish I could say it didn’t. I wish I could change what happened. But that too is impossible. What happened was an accident that holds no blame. While seeking to find a responsible party is a natural response, I would urge you to not do that. Instead, think of the lives we lost, and the sacrifice they made.
“All I can say at this time is to allow yourself to grieve. Let it hurt.” She looked around. “We will never forget them. I swear it. I remember every name of those under my command who have died. I carry them with me, and I will do so until the end to honor their lives.
“Remember their names. Gorgownun.”
An image of the serious drakcol appeared behind Talvax. I listened to her listing the names, watching the familiar faces all while holding back my tears, until…
“Cencay.”
I sobbed, unable to hold them back at the cheerful grin. They had been so young. This was their senior cadet mission, the one they’d chosen, even though it hadn’t been typical. Monqilcolnen held me tight, and I turned to hold him close. However, I kept my gaze on the screen. Knowing who was coming next.
“Kel’yeena.”
More tears streamed down my cheeks. She had been so kind to me, kinder than she needed to be. Always asking after me. Feeding me. Giving me that blanket. Her death was like a knife to the gut. Kel’yeena hadn’t even been in the navy. She’d been a civilian, selling food. She hadn’t signed up for danger, but it had found her.
Talvax took a deep breath, then said, “Now, we must say goodbye.”
A pod shot out from almost the lowest deck of theAdmiral Ven, then exploded, spreading the ash everywhere.
