“...a broken clavicle, some brain swelling, internal bleeding.... thrown from the horse.... tangled up in the saddle...”
Turning from the room, I run to the hall. I make it to the closest waste bin before I double over, retching. My knees hit the chipped linoleum floors, pain jarring me back to life. A light buzzes overhead as god-awful words play on a loop in my head. No—not again. How could it be the same? How could the same thing happen to me twice?
“Honey, come on, lets get up. He is going to need you, Blake.”
Peering up at Sienna from my crouch on the floor, I shake my head. “No. No, he will not need me. I-I…I can’t do that again. I can’t…” my words come out in a painful scratch.
“Oh, yes, you can—you will. I am not about to let you run out on him,” Sterling is there too, knelt close behind Sienna. I almost smile because, gosh, they look so cute together.
“What the hell does that mean? Do you think I ran out on someone before?”
“Did you not run off the night you two met, Blake?”
“Screw you,” I hiss before the tears come hot, fast, stinging my vision. “Yes, I did. I ran. I was not…I was not here for him. I was here for me. He was not supposed to find me at the bar that night.”
“Honey, he did,” Sienna whispers, shooting a glare at Sterling that even I wince from. “You told us you went there tofall off the wagon in spectacular fashion. Brooks was there to be sure he caught you. You were there for him even if you were not sure until this moment. Now, you will regret it if you run off again, honey.”
Gaze swinging between them, I make a mental note right there on the cracked floors of the county hospital. Well, two, actually. Iwaslooking for him that night, I just had no idea he would be my new addiction. That one night with my stud cowboy would not ever be enough for me. Second note—these two need to get together and bone, like, stat.
“Mr. Vale,” a voice beckons down the hall. “We’ve stabilized Mr. Carter for the time being.” We all shoot to our feet to rush to the doctor as she prattles off updates rapid-fire. “We will monitor him tonight, see to it he is comfortable before….”
Sterling and I exchange a look that only someone who knows Brooks, who loves Brooks, could understand. “Before we move him to ICU in Fellow Falls tomorrow. Tonight, we will monitor his vitals, manage his pain, take the best care of him we can until then.”
“Is he…is he going to wake up? I mean…he is, right?’
“Not tonight, we have sedated him to lessen his pain.”
“I…I need to talk to him. He has to hear me tell him. I need to say it before he…I need him to know.”
Before I lose my nerve or go looking for a drink, I rush back to the room. I stumble a little at the door when I see him again. How battered. How little my big, solid, safe cowboy looks lying in that tiny hospital bed. It reminds me of those nights spent tangled together in the tiny cot in my bunkhouse, before we started staying at his cabin.
Moving to his bedside, I crouch on the floor beside him, taking his hand. I bite back a sob because even his hands seem smaller somehow. Drawing his hand to my face, I pepper tiny, tender kisses to any spot not bandaged or connected to wires.
“I am not sneaking off this time, stud. Not after you promised to put a ring on it and give me your last name,” I tease, rubbing his hand against my face gently. “You do not get to say that then leave me. You promised to take up just the space I needed you to fill. Well, you filled all of the empty spaces inside me, baby,” I whisper, smiling through my tears.
“We made cookies,” I stammer, pulling the smashed bag from my pocket. I do not even remember how they got there. “Because…because I love you, Brooks. I mean, we made cookies because I love these damn cookies. I love you too, stud. More than cookies. More than horses or mucking stalls. Brooks, I love you more than bourbon.”
I stay by his side all night. I am there when they transport him, and back at his side in a private room Sterling arranges for us in Fellow Falls. I am taking up all the space I can until he comes back to me.
Chapter Ten
Brooks
Bright light warms my skin—but somehow I know it is not from the sun—it is from her.
Why do I want cookies? Shit, why does my head hurt? Hell, does everything hurt? What is that sweet smell? Mmm, it’s maple and my girl. Those damn cookies she keeps burning with Sienna. That is why I want cookies. But why the hell do my teeth hurt?Canteeth hurt?
Suddenly I am tired and cold. I reach for my sweet bird, but I cannot move. Everything is too…heavy. I am smaller than I should be, I think. Why does everything feel so wrong? I smell Blake and sweetness and rain…Stormchaser!
I was going for a ride before the hurting started. It was a trial run on a proposal. I am not proposing yet, I know better. I just wanted to plan it. I am a man who love a plan. I planned to take Blake home with me the night I first saw her, and I did. I planned to keep her in my life, and I have. I told the entire ranch I plan to make her my wife, and I do.
When she needs me to propose, when she lets me say the words…damn I want to hear her say them. I want to say them back to her a hundred times. I want to learn how to say them in other languages. Fuck, I would learn sign language to tell her how much I fucking love her. I’ve never felt as good as I do when I am with her.
For a long time, out on the circuit, while I was a hot-shot horse trainer, I thought I knew how to feel good. Show off at a show or listen to praise after taming a horse. None of that comes close to how good it feels to make Blake laugh. To make her cuddle close because she feels safe in my arms. Nothing comesclose to how it feels to be loved by her, even if she can’t give the words yet.
“She will give them to you when she needs you to hear them,” Sterling had said just this morning. Well, I think it was this morning.
Where the hell am I now and why the hell do I hurtso much?
