Did I just get proposed to?
I push the door open, the cool night air rushing past me, but it feels nothing compared to the rush of emotions swirling inside me. My heart races as I step outside, my thoughts scrambling. I didn’t even give him a chance to explain further. I just…reacted. I just left.
I move swiftly to my car. I don’t know what I was expecting,but it sure wasn’t that. A proposal? Was I ready for that? Was I even ready for this relationship? This family? I want to be with him. I do. I love Aura with everything I have, but…marriage? The weight of the idea presses down on me. I’ve never been someone who rushed into things. And now, after everything, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still trying to figure out who I am in all of this.
The nanny or the girlfriend.
I slide into the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel, taking a deep breath. The car hums to life, but I don’t move. I stare out the windshield, fighting the wave of emotions threatening to consume me.
I glance down at my phone, half-expecting a text from Gabriel. Nothing.
Should I have stayed? Should I have let him explain? I can still hear his voice in my head, his words echoing in the silence:“We should get married to solidify my case.”
Marriage. Solidifying things. That doesn’t sound like what I thought I wanted. But what if it’s what he needs? What if it’s whatweneed to make this real, to make sure Aura is ours? I’ve already committed so much of myself to her, to him. But am I ready for the permanence of marriage?
I think of Aura, her little face lighting up whenever I walk into the room, calling me “mama.” It’s all too real, too raw. My chest tightens. I can’t lose her. I can’t lose them. The fear creeps in, thick and suffocating. I was terrified before, but now… now everything feels like it’s moving faster than I can handle. Like I’m losing control.
I press the heel of my palm against my forehead, trying to push the confusion out. But it won’t go. The tears build again, and I let them fall, letting the salty sting mix with the cold air in my car. I don’t know what to do with all this—this love, this fear, this sudden push to make it all real.
I start the car, pulling away from the driveway. The roadahead is dark, but I don’t care. The sound of tires on asphalt is the only thing steady enough to fill the silence inside me. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to drive. I need to think. Or maybe just escape, even if for a little while.
I pass streetlights, the glow casting fleeting shadows over my face. My mind keeps replaying that moment with Gabriel. The proposal. The love. The uncertainty.
Could I marry him? Could I be the mother Aura needs, the partner Gabriel wants, all while still finding myself? Or would I lose myself in this whirlwind of new identities and responsibilities?
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, not caring that the tears smear my mascara into dark streaks. I’m lost in thought, drifting down streets with no destination, waiting for a sign—any sign—to appear out of nowhere, to guide me through this storm. But none comes. The pressure only grows heavier, crushing me slowly from the inside. The only answer my heart seems to whisper is to slow down. To breathe. To pause.
Hours slip by, or maybe minutes—I don’t know. Time loses meaning as I drive until I finally pull off into a quiet, empty park. The car comes to a soft stop, and I sit there, staring out at the empty swing set silhouetted against the night sky. The silence presses in, and my chest tightens again under the weight of everything I’m feeling.
I close my eyes and exhale deeply, hoping to find some clarity within the chaos.
But I can’t make sense of it all. Not yet. All I know for certain is that I love them—more than I ever thought possible. I love Gabriel, with his gentle strength and quiet devotion. I love Aura, with her bright eyes and endless curiosity. But I also love myself. And I don’t want to lose who I am.
Maybe I need to step back. Maybe I need time. Time to figure out how to hold all of this—love, fear, hope—without losing myself. I can’t keep running from my feelings, from the hardquestions that cling to my heart. I owe it to myself—and to them—to face everything with clear eyes and an open heart.
But right now? Right now, all I want is to breathe. To sit here in the quiet, under the endless sky, and just be. Because maybe in this stillness I’ll find the strength to face what comes next.
Coffee and Confessions
GABRIEL
This is nothow I wanted things to play out.
I haven't heard from Millie in two days, except for a brief a text saying she couldn't watch Aura this week. Or any other week.
Every time I walk into the café, I see her retreating to the back room, avoiding all contact with me. It's like we're strangers now, and I'm the one who built that wall between us. The worst part is I don't know how to tear it down.
I know I've messed up. I know that I've hurt her, but the silence between us is deafening.
I want to talk to her—just talk. I need her to understand. I need to make things right.
The truth is, I don't care if she doesn't want to marry me. My lawyer has since assured me that my case would be solid without having a wife.
But that's not the issue, is it? I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to leave my life or Aura's life. I want us to figure things out, to build something solid and lasting.
Today, I stand in the coffee and tea aisle at Cherry Market, my daughter happily strapped in the seat of the cart, surrounded by all the choices of beans, bags, and brands.
My mind, though, is elsewhere- on one person. Millie. I try tofocus on picking out a new coffee for the week, but my mind keeps wandering back to her.
