I knock, and it feels like forever before the door swings open. Gabriel stands there with a grin on his face, his eyes lighting up when they see me.
“Hey Bumper, come in,” he says, his voice warm and inviting.
Ugh, that smile. I’m inbigtrouble.
Italian Soda and Secrets
GABRIEL
I ama nervous wreck all day knowing that Millie is coming over. When Ma accepted her offer to nanny Aura, I nearly choked on my coffee.
It’s not that I don’t trust her or that I don’t think she is capable. I think she’s more than capable. But that’s not the problem, is it?
I like her too much.
Too much is an understatement if we’re being honest. She’s carved out a corner in my brain that I don’t know how to reclaim. I replay every interaction, every laugh, every glance.
And I can’t afford to let that happen. I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s gorgeous, with that bright strawberry-red hair and eyes that make you feel like they’re reading into your soul.
She’s kind and funny, and she has a way of making everything feel lighter, even when the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
And God, do I carry that weight.
I catch myself watching the clock, over and over, like some teenage idiot waiting for his crush to show up at the door.
Each tick of the second hand feels louder. Counting down the moments until she arrives.
I scrub the counters three times. Change Aura’s onesie eventhough it’s spotless. I even comb my damn hair, which is saying something considering I’ve worn the same uniform three nights in a row.
I almost light a candle. A fucking candle.
What the hell is wrong with me?
But I’ve been a cold, grumpy bastard towards her, and I can’t help but wonder if she sees right through the act. Every time she looks at me with that sly, knowing smirk, it takes all my willpower not to lean in and kiss it off her lips.
I’ve kept my distance, mostly. But it’s getting harder to do.
I keep telling myself it’s just infatuation. A little crush. It’ll pass. But I think she’s burrowing deeper into me than I care to admit. And it scares the hell out of me.
If she is going to be my nanny, I need to get control of myself—control of my feelings, my desires, and most importantly, my dick. Otherwise, I’ll be inbigtrouble.
Someone like Millie deserves someone better than me, someone who doesn’t have the emotional baggage I carry around like a shadow.
Hell, some days I’m not even sure I’m good enough for my daughter. All I know is I’m trying as hard as I can.
It’s nearly 6 p.m., and I have just fed and changed Aura, so she is ready to go when Millie gets here.
Aura’s tiny fingers curl around mine. Her breath is soft and rhythmic against my neck. I stare at her face. She looks so peaceful and innocent. Sometimes I wonder how something so small can have the power to unravel me and yet anchor me all at once.
She’s a peaceful baby—honestly, I’m a little biased, but she’s the easiest baby I know. She hardly ever cries and loves nothing more than a good cuddle. Which works for me, because I love holding her, feeling her tiny body nestled against mine. I know these days are fleeting, though, and I’m trying to savor them as much as I can.
I sit with Aura in the nursery, rocking slowly in the chair that used to be in my room as a child. Her tiny hand wraps around mypinky. I sit there for a moment, overwhelmed by how small she still is. Howmineshe is. I whisper into her soft hair, “We’re going to be okay, Bean. I promise.”
I don’t know if I’m saying it for her or me. Maybe both.
The doorbell rings, and my heart skips a beat. A jolt runs through me as I feel adrenaline surge, sweat prickling on my palms.
I pick up Aura and head for the door, trying to act calm, even though I’m anything but. When I open it, I find Millie standing there, with a bright smile on her face. She’s wearing a simple pair of jeans and a tank top that doesdangerousthings to my already frayed self-control.
