She waited while he stared at her. Did he expect her to say more, or was the decision that difficult?
“I…Iwantyou to stay.” She looked down, fussed with a fingernail. “I just thought you should know. That goes for Emily too, of course.”
His silence was killing her. But she’d already come this far, so she might as well step clear off the edge. “Will you?”
His breath was deep, heavy, while hers caught in her chest. “Nae, Tessa. I cannae.” He hadn’t even tried to touch her. He just stood there, mere inches away, his hands at his sides.
She looked up, fighting tears, fighting humiliation, fighting for a love she’d never thought to find. “Why not?”
He stepped back, groaned and shoved a hand through his hair. “I dinnae ken what tae say tae ye, lass. If I tell ye the truth, ye’ll no’ believe me, and I dinnae want tae lie tae ye.” She watched his face contort in pain. “Just let me leave wi’out sayin’ anything. Please, Tessa. ’Tis for the best.”
“Try me,” she said, desperate to understand. “If you swear you’re telling me the truth, I’ll believe you.”
He searched her face, desperately, like he was grasping for a lifeline. She placed her hand on his chest, spread her fingers, felt the swift pulse of his heartbeat. “I’ll believe you.”
“I’m no’ sure ye’re ready tae, lass. I ken the truth will no’ sit well with ye.”
Even if he had someone else, she had to know. She tried to brace herself for the worst. “Please, Darach. I need to know.”
His deep breath was more of a shudder. He did touch her then, placed his hands at her elbows and trailed them lightly to her shoulders, brushed a hand up her neck to sink his fingers into her hair and trace his thumb along her jawline. All the while, he kept his gaze locked with hers.
Trembling with uncertainty and unbearable anticipation, she waited to learn what meant more to him than what they’d found, together
“I cannae stay because…I’m a ghost.”
She hadn’t heard him right. She couldn’t have.
“I was granted but two days of mortality,” he continued, “and I thank the saints I got tae spend ’em wi’ ye. But sometime today, the witch, Soncerae, will come for me and I must go wi’ her. Ye must ken that I’d give the rest of eternity tae stay wi’ ye, and wee Emily, if ’twere possible.”
She tried to move. At least she thought she did, but her brain and her muscles weren’t connecting. Everything around her went blank, like a white void. She blinked—in slow motion, she was sure. Then, like molten lava from deep within the earth, she felt the anger rise, burn, consume her. And erupt.
“A ghost,” she spat, using that red-hot anger to yank out of his grasp. “With a witch, of course, for good measure.” She snorted. “Really? That’s the best you could do? No aliens? Maybe some trolls from the forest?” She whirled away, grabbed her purse and stormed toward the door, her pulse pounding at her temples. Grasping the knob, she turned back.
“You picked that excuse knowing how much Idetestsuch absurdity. You could have just said, ‘I don’t want to stay’. Instead, you went out of your way to insult me.” She tried to breathe past her shame, through her nausea. “I want you gone by the time we get back.”
“But…Emily?” he choked. “What will ye tell her? Why I didnae say goodbye?”
“That you’re a fraud and everything you’ve said and done here, has been a lie.”
He was really good at this, she admitted. She could almost swear the expression on his face was one of pure torment.
“I love ye, Tessa,” he said brokenly. “I hope someday, ye’ll understand.”
“See? There you go. You just made my point.”
She walked out of the library, slammed the door behind her, to makeherpoint, and almost made it to the front door before she staggered into a dark room, clamped both hands over her mouth and sank to her knees. Her sobs were wretched and gutting.
Loving was too hard, the cost, too high.
