“But I hoped, aye? If he was saving Simon, I wanted him to save me as well.”
I shook my head. “And what if he could have saved everyone? Would you have wanted him to do that?”
“Certainly.”
“If there was only one ticket out of there, would you have taken it? Or would you have given it to someone who needed it more?”
“Lass. Dinnae guan so. There was no time?—”
“Exactly.There was no timeto think about anyone else. You had enough time to wish you didn’t have to die. You had enough time to reach out and help catch him after he was shot. That was it. The next choice was out of your hands.” Something clicked. “Hey, you know, when you reached out to help catch him? That might be the heroism he’s talking about. Maybe he just really wanted to thank you but didn’t get the chance.”
“You reckon any man has ever been two thousand pounds grateful for a simple act that made no difference at all?”
Cian could read the woman’s every thought, though she struggled to keep them to herself. She fussed around the place, turned the clothes to dry on the other side, and took a cloth from one of his legs to wash her face with the melted ice.
Suddenly, she looked stricken.
“What is it, love?”
“I need to pee. I mean, I need to visit the outhouse.”
After kicking free of all the spare cloths, he found the bucket and set it in the middle of the floor. “For the sake of all that is good in this world, use the pot.” He swung the blanket over his shoulders, and stepped into his house boots. “I shall give ye some privacy.”
“Where are you going?”
“Tae color the snow.”
“What?”
“Lass. Use the pot, and be quick about it so I needn’t freeze m’ nethers.” He opened the door and stepped outside.
Giggling, she called after him, “Don’t forget! You’re not wearing pants!”
He closed the door.
“Again!”
He picked his way through the snowdrifts to piss to the right side of the house so the silly woman wouldn’t see the yellow snow and comment. Her entire body flushed red when he stepped back inside, picked up the pot, and took it back out to empty it. He wiped it out with a handful of snow, then took itinside and slid it beneath the bed. He pointed at it to make good and certain she knew where to find it in the middle of the night.
She headed for the water bucket with her little cloth again, likely to stop the burning in her cheeks.
“Dinnae do that.”
“Why?”
“What do ye suppose woke yer bladder the last time?”
She grimaced, then tossed the cloth on the ledge. When she faced him, her gaze got caught on his bare legs once more. “Um. I’m ready to go to bed.”
“As am I.” He left the heaviest blanket on the bed for her and took everything else that was dry to make a pallet for himself on the far side of the table before tending to the fire. “If ye get chilled, call out and I will add a log. We must keep the wee door closed whilst we sleep, but I shall leave open the shutter.”
She deftly wove her hair into a single braid for sleeping, as his gran had always done. The tilt of her head and the peace on her face whilst her fingers danced down the length of her hair brought a pang of sweet memory to his heart, and a rightness to his soul. Saints help him, he wished she would stay.
She noted his attention and blushed anew. “If you can’t stand the floor and need a turn on the bed, we can trade.” Like a nervous mouse, she turned and scurried under the blanket and between the two flowered cloths she called sheets. “Goodnight, Cian.”
“Sweet dreams, Matty lass.” He moved around the room to douse the candles he had lit in the windows to use the glass to amplify the light. “Easy now. Just dowsing the wee flame,” he purred, when he stretched over the bed to blow out the candle above it.
She had the blanket pulled up to her nose and closed her eyes, sorely tempting him to leave a kiss on her brow. But he resisted. Once he was settled, he listened for her breathing tochange, sure he couldn’t sleep until then. And after a long while, the bed gave a small squeak.
