Chapter 30
Niall
‘Hey, Dad. How are you?’ Niall sat next to his dad’s hospital bed, his mum on the other side of him. Amanda had called to say that Jimmy had made some improvement overnight and was now sitting up. It looked like this was a setback he might recover from, although his mum had been quick to remind him that it was a stay of execution as MND was an unforgiving illness.
Jimmy nodded slowly and attempted to speak. Niall wanted to tell him not to worry, but he knew that his dad would want to talk.
‘Better than you by the looks of it,’ Jimmy said.
Niall chuckled. But then guilt swept in. Was it that obvious he had things on his mind? So obvious that his terminally ill dad could spot it from his face.
‘Och, I’m fine, Dad. Glad you’re brighter today. We’ve been worried about you.’
His dad nodded, steely emotion glimmering in his eyes. Did hearing these words from his somewhat estranged son mean a lot to him? Niall turned away and that’s when he clocked it poking out from inside his mum’s handbag. Thered book, the size of a photo album. Was that…? It must be what Cal had told him about. He’d been right in thinking his mum had brought it here for his dad to see.
‘Did you see Carli off okay?’ Amanda asked, obviously not as focused on the book as Niall.
‘Aye, aye. She’s away on her fancy-pants train journey.’
‘You’ll miss her over the next few days.’
‘I will, but it’s only a few days.’ Niall didn’t want to talk about the difficulty of temporarily being parted from Carli because it was nothing compared to what his mother would soon endure when his dad passed.
‘Well, at least you’ve Australia,’ she said.
Niall wanted to tell his mum she didn’t have to always put on a brave face, to pretend she was fine with him leaving Scotland. He wanted to comfort her with the knowledge that he was here, as his siblings were, and that he wasn’t going anywhere. But that wasn’t the truth. To say he wasn’t going anywhere would be a lie.
‘What’s the book?’ he asked, changing the subject and nodding to her handbag.
‘Oh, that’s something I put together for your dad. He had a folder full of cuttings from over the years and I decided it was about time they were together in one more presentable place.’ Amanda pulled the book from her bag and passed it across the bed to Niall. It was heavy and the vinyl cool, but when he opened it, it was obvious there was only warmth inside.
The first page was a newspaper cutting of Cal’s first day at school, followed by something similar for every one of his siblings, including himself. Then there were clippings of Jamie winning a football competition, Cal dressed as a pirate for Halloween, and him winning a surfing contest aged ten. As he turned the pages, he saw that thewhole album was filled with his siblings and their milestones and achievements told through newspaper cuttings. And he was there as an adult too. Unmistakably there. Yes, there was Cal’s bar, Jamie’s successes at the distillery, Nate’s saving animals and Cara getting a role in a soap, but a substantial portion of this album comprised articles about Niall’s own life. The opening of the first surf school in Sydney, the franchises, stories of kids it had made a difference to. And what got him right in the gut was that these were newspaper cuttings from Australia. How on earth had his dad ended up with cuttings from the Herald Sun? Or the Manly Daily? He must have gone out of his way to source these. Got them sent from overseas, even.
Niall’s eyes blurred with tears. He looked up at his mum who could read exactly what he was thinking.Yes, of course, your dad is proud of you. We both are. And this is how much. This is how much we love you.
He turned to his dad and his expression blew him away. Jimmy was staring right at him with unmistakable love filling his eyes.
Fuck!
Niall couldn’t stop the glut of emotion that shook him in that moment. This book. Cal hadn’t been wrong when he’d said it would prove his dad’s pride in him.
‘This…this is amazing.’ Niall wiped his face with his fist.
‘You’re all incredible,’ his dad said. ‘You are, Niall. I’m proud of you.’
All Niall could do was nod. ‘Aye, thanks, Dad. Thanks.’ He swallowed hard. ‘I’m glad we’ve made you proud. Glad…um…I’ve made you proud.’ Jesus, had he said that out loud? Realised and admitted it was true. He wasn’t in that album out of pity or coincidence. He was there on an equal footing with the rest of his family, and it was time he accepted it. Let go of the idea that he was the outcast.
‘So will you and Carli be going back to Australia together?’ asked Amanda.
‘Aye, aye. I feel bad saying it because I want to be here too, and that was the plan but…’
‘Niall, no explanation is needed,’ said Amanda. ‘You follow your heart.’
‘“The best laid schemes…”’ his dad said, and Niall whipped his gaze round as Jimmy faltered out the rest of the line.
‘“… o’ Mice an’ Men… gang aft agley…”’
‘To a Mouse’by Robert Burns. The man was everywhere. It was the poem his dad had recited to him when Niall had printed the pictures for the poetry jotter. It was only one line, but Niall understood exactly what his dad was trying to tell him. It doesn’t matter how well you plan for something, it can go wrong. It could be seen as pessimistic, but Niall knew from the flinty, assurance of his father’s eye that he meant, you can weigh everything up and try to make the right decision, but it might not be, so go with your heart. His dad was right. He had to go with the thing pulling him the strongest. The thing he was most certain about yet completely torn over how to make it work alongside everything else. Because without that, what was anything else?
