‘Aye. It seems daft since I wrecked us, but I never stopped wanting to be with you, even when I was racked with shame. I hoped that if I could see you in person, we could sort things out. So, after uni, I got my two-year working holiday visa, packed up and hopped on a flight to Melbourne.’
‘To the olive farms.’
‘Believe it or not, I wasn’t thinking about olives when I landed in Melbourne.’
‘So why didn’t you come visit me?’
‘Really? You’d have wanted me to visit? You’d have wanted this guy who dumped you with no proper explanation to rock up on your doorstep and say he was sorry and it was the biggest mistake of his life?’
‘That’s exactly what I would have wanted.’ This had become something of a fantasy of Carli’s, even when she knew it would never happen.
‘But you were with someone else.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because,’ Niall tugged at the steering wheel as if he wanted to drive away from this part of the conversation, ‘I caught the tram to your dad’s house to find out where you lived and I saw you with him.’
‘Sorry? You did what?’ Carli reached for the steering wheel and held it still, prompting Niall to let go and turn to her.
‘Aye. It was a stalkerish thing to do but that’s me, I guess. Heart on his sleeve Butler.’ He shrugged, as if bashful about this admission.
But heart on his sleeve Butler was the only man Carlihad ever truly loved. ‘Niall, oh my God, I wish I’d known. I’d have dropped him in a second if I’d turned around to find you standing there. I was only with him as a Band Aid to cover over the pain of us and it didn’t last. All it did was drive home how perfect you and I were for each other.’
‘Jesus! If I’d known that… I should have fought for you more, Cass. Thought fuck it, she can’t love that guy. But who was I to decide that you didn’t? It had taken such a lot to convince myself that I should come at all, so when I saw you with someone else I figured you were better off.’
‘Well, I guess there’s no point regretting any of it now.’ After the previous night’s revelations, Carli was done with regret.
‘Aye, true. If things had worked out, we might’ve have had five kids too young and ended up with you throwing my pants out the window and screaming at me to “go back to fucking Scotland”.’
She laughed. ‘Do you regret moving to Australia?’
‘Not one bit. I’d never have met Rafe and set up the surf school. And I’d never have tried to see you again.’
‘But you could have set up a surf school in Kinshore.’
‘But would I have? Would I have done all that on my own, without Rafe? I’m the type of guy that needs a wingman to get me going.’
‘You and Sean could do something like that.’
‘Ha! Me and Sean trying to get anything started together would be like asking two toddlers to organise their own birthday party. We’d have a blast, but I’m not sure it would be especially solid as a business. But I get what you’re saying, and if I hadn’t gone to Australia then there would never be a chance to miss my family like I do, but how could I have lived with the pain of the what-if between us? I couldn’t. I had to have an answer.’
Silence settled between them, Carli digesting Niall’s words, letting them sink in.
Niall crushed his now empty can of kombucha. ‘And to cope with the trauma of that bombshell, how would you like a massage?’
Carli gaped at him. ‘What, from you? Here?’
‘Not from me. Or here.’ He laughed. ‘I mean, unless you like low-rent car massage. There’s a spa hotel near here. I’ve checked and they’ve got some spots free this afternoon.’
Are you having one too?’
‘It wasn’t the plan, but I can do.’
‘Or get a facial.’
‘Um, yeah, nah, I’ll stick with the massage. I haven’t evolved enough to be into facials yet.’
Carli laughed. This man was evolved enough to book her in for a massage and that was good enough.
