‘Are you okay? A deer ran out in front of the car. Where’s your seatbelt?’
‘It’s…it’s back there…here.’ Shona nodded to behind her where her seatbelt was indeed sitting unbuckled. Thankfully, Niall had been driving at about fifteen miles an hour.
‘You’re a shit driver, bro.’
Niall whipped round to Sean. Thank God he was still awake. And his giving cheek had to be a good sign.
And then another good sign came in the sound of sirens coming over the hill and the inside of the car being flooded with blue lights.
Niall breathed a huge sigh of relief and got out and waved the ambulance down.
‘Two things. Two simple things, Niall. Don’t get drunk and look after your brother.’
‘I didn’t get drunk, and I was looking after him. You didn’t sayhecouldn’t get drunk.’ Had Niall actually said those words to his dad? Jimmy Butler was fuming. He’d fucked up big time. It didn’t matter that he’d tried his best to get Sean to a hospital or to the ambulance quicker, he’d let him get wasted, watched as he danced on a table worse for wear, and then, to make matters worse, with whisky in his own bloodstream and no driving licence, he’d tried to drive his brother to hospital. Not to mention doing this with Shona McCafferty in the back seat with no seatbelt on.
It was the fuck-up to end all fuck-ups.
So why couldn’t he say sorry? Why did he have to answer his dad back and make things a million times worse?
‘Did you want Sean to die?’ Jimmy asked. ‘What if he’d choked on his own vomit, or you’d swung that car into an oncoming car? The idiocy of you tonight, Niall, is beyond me. I never thought…’
‘Aye, well, I am that stupid, Dad.’ He finished his father’s thoughts for him. ‘But luckily your golden boy is fine, so don’t worry.’
At these words, Jimmy stood there in consternation, only confirming Niall’s belief that if anyone had been injured tonight, his dad would have preferred it to be Niall rather than his 100% biological son. Sean somehow seemed to do as many stupid things as Niall, struggle as much at school, but he was never castigated for it in the same way. He got away with things and was dismissed as cheeky or talented in different ways than academic, whereas Niall was the stupid one or the naughty one.
‘Niall, son, you need to sort yourself out.’ His dad had completely overlooked the golden boy comment. Niall had almost hoped he’d pick him up on it, tell him he was talking bollocks, but he didn’t and that cemented it further. Of course, his dad loved Sean more. Sean was his pure DNA.
‘How am I meant to sort myself out when I’m the spawn of Archie Butler and the sun shines out of Sean’s arse? Hey, that’s like a tongue twister.’ Niall repeated it again in a mock Sean Connery accent. ‘The shun shines out of Sean’s arshe.’
‘Niall!’ his dad cut in. ‘Go to the kitchen, drink a glass of water. No, drink two. And then go upstairs and go to bed. You’re talking absolute drivel and I’m not wasting any more time on you tonight. Go and sleep off the whisky. I’ll talk to youin the morning.’
‘I’m not even drunk. I had three whiskies, hours ago.’
But his dad didn’t believe him and wasn’t rising to the bait about Archie. And so, the damage Niall had done tonight only deepened the channel of hurt that he was someone who brought upset and problems to the family, no matter how hard he tried to do the exact opposite. He’d talk to his dad in the morning, but it wouldn’t make any difference. The damage was already done.
Chapter 18
Carli
‘I’m sorry?’ Carli’s words were strangled, caught in the back of her throat, like vinegar. ‘You had some whisky at a party, drove without a licence with Sean and some rando in the car, and then you ended our relationship because you were so ashamed you couldn’t bring yourself to tell me what happened?’
‘Aye. I’m sorry.’
‘Fuck! Niall.’ Carli shook her head as if to wake herself from a dream. ‘This is insane.’
‘I’m not proud of it, Cass. I’m fucking ashamed. I’m a disgrace.’
‘But what are you ashamed of? The drink driving or keeping everything from me?’
‘Um… Both.’
Carli was stumped as to where to begin. The fact that he had driven under the influence of alcohol after he’d seen up-close the effect its aftermath could have on a family, a person, a daughter was stupid. Incredibly dumb. But she understood why it had happened. Sean’s life was at stake. And Niall hadn’t had a lot to drink.
That wasn’t what shook her.
What shook Carli was how underwhelming the reason was. Had he thrown their relationship under a bus over this?
Seventeen years of not knowing, thinking she was unlovable, and this was it.
