Chapter 16
Niall
Fuck, yes, Carli could give him a hug, even though it might end him. Niall was powerless to say no. Never in a million years would he say no to a hug from Carli. He needed this from her, and, honestly, only from her.
The smell of violets wrecked him before she’d even fully wrapped her arms around his back. Sent his senses off radar. Then, even though Carli had slid her arms under his and was squeezing into his chest, because of the height and size difference between them, she was well and truly in his arms. Was it wrong to squeeze her back? She was trying to comfort him, but he wanted to crush all those missed apologies into her bones. Her head was tucked under his chin, the urge to kiss her hair dragging him down. He pulled her that little bit closer, those small bones of hers inside his arms, inside his heart. Always had been. Always would be.
Don’t turn this wrong, Butler. Fucking keep it as it should be. A comfort hug from one friend to another.
It was the quietest hug he’d ever had, but the loudest,the most intense. Thoughts and feelings were darting around like spaghetti junction at night on time lapse.
Just hold her. Let her hold you.
Carli untucked herself from under his chin and gazed up at him.
‘None of those women get you,’ she said. ‘Not like I do.’
Niall froze, soaking her in. This incredible woman he’d had the amazing fortune to have in his life so early on. He never wanted to let her go. It couldn’t be, though. It couldn’t. He wouldn’t hurt her again. There was too much unspoken and when she heard it, she wouldn’t be saying things likenone of them know you like I do. She’d be slapping him into next week. This hug had to be a platonic thing. He began to thank Carli for being such a good friend.
And that was when she reached up onto the top of her toes and kissed him.
And of course, he bent to meet her. There wasn’t a world in which that would not be happening.
Carli was soft, like petals. Petals from some kind of flower. Niall didn’t know a whole lot about flowers. All he knew was that Carli Caselli was kissing him again. After seventeen long years, the only woman he’d ever truly loved had her charged lips on his and was pushing her breasts to his chest and showing him quite how much she had changed from the girl he once adored. Those breasts were larger, more womanly, her mouth hotter, the little moans coming from her throat turning him hard in a very adult way. He kissed her back, full-bodied, hungry, their tongues meeting again with no questions about how this should go. Everything clicked back into place. They were like lock and key.Jesus. Cass.Niall held her face like it might disappear if he didn’t. If she were to pull away now, he might blurt out that he could never lose her again.Losing Carli was only possible if you were a one hundred-carat eejit, and he never wanted to be that guy again. Never.
But he had to end it.
‘Sorry. Sorry.’ He stumbled back. ‘That might have been the dumbest thing to do.’
‘What?’ Carli seemed as dazed as him, possibly from the kiss, or from his words because they didn’t correspond with how mind blowing that had been.
‘I don’t deserve you, Cass.’
‘You didn’t like it?’
‘Are you kidding? It was fucking incredible.’
‘Let’s do it again then?’
In a vain attempt to gain some control over the situation, Niall shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘We’re meant to be friends. Friends don’t kiss like that. Friends don’t kiss.’ These words sounded stupid, but they were all he had. He had to protect her from him and all his fucked-up decisions, from being with a man who was trouble.
‘We were never just friends, Niall.’
‘Aye, but we need to be, don’t we? Too much baggage, it can never be, blah blah.’
‘Blah, blah. Good reason.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s all I’ve got.’ But it wasn’t all he had. Not by a long shot. He had so much more and now was the time to fess up. Tell her the truth. Take the chance that she might hate him forever, but knowing there was no other way of doing this.
‘Cass, I have to tell you something.’
‘Okay.’ She stepped back a little, guarded tension in her frame. Was she worried he would divulge that he had a girlfriend? If only it were that simple.
‘Sit down.’ Fear glazed her eyes, but she did as he askedand he sat next to her, unsure who was more terrified, the one about to deliver the blow or the one about to receive it.
Niall began to talk.
‘Remember when I wrote you that letter and said I didn’t know if we were strong enough to do distance or what our love was?’
