Normally, Niall might check in case anyone was watching him talking to an inanimate object, but today he simply stared at the bench, aware of the sadness inflating in his chest. Carli should be having coffees and lunches with her mum, walks on the beach, buying her presents on Mother’s Day. Instead, she’d flown halfway round the world to sit by a freezing loch and talk to a memory. It broke Niall’s heart. Why did these things happen? Why did the good people die young? And leave behind people too young themselves for that kind of grief?
He turned away from the bench. Time to get out of here and do something to make things a little better for Carli. But as he was passing the next bench, a name on the plaque threw him.
Robert McInally (Bob). Father, son, husband, teacher and inspiration to many. Taken too soon.
Mr McInally.
Inspiration to many? Taken too soon?
Definitely dead.
The number of times Niall had wished that he’d come into school to be told that Mr McInally had passed in the night, so he wouldn’t have to endure the man’s condemnation anymore. So he could pick himself up and be the person he wanted to be. The man could never be taken too soon, as far as Niall was concerned.
But hewasgone.
The impact Mr McInally had on Niall’s psyche wasindelible. For years, he’d carried around the belief that he was unworthy, not as good as his siblings, and a large part of that belief came from his maths teacher. And now here in the blink of an eye, Niall discovered the man was dust, merely an etching on a piece of metal on a bench in a place most people didn’t know existed. The walking, breathing incarnation of nastiness was gone, his beliefs vanished with him.
So where did that leave Niall? Was there freedom in Mr McInally being dead? Like he’d been overseeing a giant classroom that was Niall’s life, always supervising with his jaded beliefs, affecting how Niall saw himself. And now there was no one in charge except him alone. And he could control his self-image.
Things were more complex than that, but in this moment, something lifted from Niall. Seeing his teacher reduced to an engraving reminded him of how ephemeral it all was. One day they would all be engravings on a bench or ashes in a loch or names occasionally mentioned by a fireside or whispered on a bus. So many small things that seemed to mean a lot at the time were, in the grand scheme of things, nothing. Nobody would remember him in two hundred years’ time. Life shouldn’t be about the opinion of others who were impossible to please, it should be about being the best person possible for the sake of those who mattered.
And Niall was trying, he really was.
There were things he had to do. To honour Alison’s memory. And to try to let go of the belief that because he’d done one stupid thing it made him an irredeemable person.
To kick the mindset that he was an inherent fuck-up to the kerb.
And to give Carli some answers.
Niall got back to the Butler family home mid-afternoon. He was keen to see Carli, and not only give her the things he’d got for her, but to tell her about Mr McInally.
Chatter was coming from the kitchen, but when he looked in, there was no sign of Carli. Just his mum and sisters sitting around the kitchen table, cupping mugs of tea, the plates in front of them with only a scattering of crumbs left but the conversation sounding like it had a long way to go before it ran out.
‘Hey.’ Niall poked his head into the room. ‘You guys seen Carli?’
‘Yeah, she’s upstairs,’ said Cara. ‘FaceTiming Glen.’
FaceTiming Glen? Who the hell was Glen? Niall hadn’t heard Carli mention a Glen. She’d said there was an incredible chemistry between them they had to resist, but not because of a boyfriend. Was Glen a stepbrother? A nephew? A friend? A sharp stab of something that was unequivocal jealousy cut into Niall and twisted in his core.
‘Who’s Glen?’ he asked Cara.
His sister shrugged and sipped her coffee. ‘Dunno. Boyfriend maybe?’
Niall narrowed his gaze. ‘Cara!’
‘I dunno, Noo Noo. She said she was heading upstairs to FaceTime Glen and off she went with a spring in her step.’
Niall scanned the expressions of Eilidh and his mum, but they were both as poker faced as Cara.
‘Right, well, if I find out you knew all along, there’ll be trouble. Mark my words.’
‘Ooh! Scared!’ Cara leaned back in her chair looking anything but frightened.
Niall left the kitchen. Who the hell was Glen? He stood in the stillness of the hall, an unnatural silence lingering in the kitchen behind him. If they’d known it was a boyfriend, they’d have told him to stay down here. Still, a bit of him was terrified of some six-foot-five Aussie hunk making a play for Carli. The idea of her being with another guy tore at him. How could she be anyone else’s? It didn’t make sense.
Niall took the stairs two at a time. He’d slip past quickly. Casually.
When he reached the bedroom door, it was open a crack and he could hear Carli’s laugh ringing like wedding bells.
