‘No.’ Alicia shook her head and mumbled, her mouthfull of berries, chia seeds, and oats. ‘Reclaiming myself begins now. Did you find that thing for me?’
‘Sure.’ Sunni was appraised of the situation with Jamie, Alicia having asked her to find her the details of a compatible therapist. She had to talk to someone.
‘I did. And I’ve spoken to her and even though she has a waiting list as long as an elephant’s trunk she’ll fit you in because she loves me. You guys are going to connect well.’ Sunni tapped at her phone to send Alicia the number.
‘Thank you. I’ll call her after this, even though I’m terrified.’ Just the thought of introducing herself to the receptionist made Alicia quake with fear, as if all they could think about when they heard her name was those photos.
‘So what shall we do today?’ Alicia asked after she had made the call. ‘I can’t hang here until my therapist’s appointment. Although I kind of want to.’
Sunni thought for a moment. ‘If you weren’t worried about leaving the house and people looking at you, what would you do?’
‘Hmm, I’d like to lose some of this winter belly. I’d go to the gym and then for a spa or for a facial, or both?’
‘Let’s do those things then?’
‘Really?’
‘Yes! Once breakfast has digested a bit, we start with the gym.’
A short time later, Alicia and Sunni were on their way to the small gym at an exclusive hotel. Alicia had some gym equipment in her own house, but operation reclaim herself meant holding her head high in public, even if it was low on her list of desirables. Plus, it felt good to work out. When she was with Jamie, the working out had been sex, followed by more calories than the sex burned off, and she craved the sense of wellbeing that a goodsession in the gym brought.
‘Remember that book you gave me?’ she said to Sunni as they drove to the hotel. ‘It sat in my suitcase the whole time I was away. I’m my own worst enemy.’
Sunni turned down the music. ‘Go easy on yourself, Leesh. You took it with you. And if you think that not having read it is a big deal, then that in itself is a big deal. I have to tell you something though.’ Her tone darkened somewhat. ‘Not to rock your boat, but Chad is out of rehab soon, and he’s got that Clelland Freeman interview, remember? Things might get a bit unsettled again.’
Alicia considered this. She was dreading Chad’s interview, but she was prepared for it. ‘You know,’ she said, ‘I have to deal with the shame Chad has given me, but there are no more photos or videos. So, this storm cannot be worse than the last one. If I grip onto the railing then when it passes, hopefully your therapist lady will teach me some coping skills. And, sure, my acting career is at ground zero, but one thing Scotland taught me is how much I love painting, so I’m going to focus solely on that again. It gives me much more happiness than modelling or acting.’
‘Well, go you! What are you going to paint?’
‘Just some scenes, as usual. Malibu Creek, Point Dume, places like that.’
‘I’m proud of you,’ said Sunni.
‘Thanks. I’m kind of proud of myself.’
On Sunday evening, Alicia was setting up her painting studio when Chad’s name flashed up on her phone. She stared at the handset, wondering whether to answer the call. Chad’s interview onClelland Freemanwas that evening and he might threaten to say something incriminating if she got on the wrong side of him. She couldn’t face talking tohim because her stability was balancing on a highwire right now.
Part of keeping that balance was not watching the interview. Sunni would apprise her of the key points. Watching Chad on television for half an hour was worse than spending time in his actual company because you knew he was playing to a captive audience and would say anything to cultivate his desired image. So Alicia walked away from the TV, went for a drive, sketched some trees, came home and waited for texts from Sunni.
Eventually at 10 pm her phone vibrated.
Well, I’m not sure what to make of that. It was something, yet it was nothing. He admitted to having an ‘addiction problem’, to DUI, to experimenting with other ways of ‘getting down with dopamine’, and that he’s not always been a good boy in the past. He said he wanted to move on and make amends with the people he cares about and those he’s lost because of his behaviour, but he didn’t specifically mention you.
Alicia sighed. This shouldn’t be a surprise. Chad would never admit anything about the photos because that was ultimately unforgiveable. It surprised Alicia that she was bitterly disappointed by this. Had she been so naïve as to expect Chad to apologise to her live on air? To tell the world that she was innocent and he was a dog. To resurrect pure Alicia. Poor Alicia, more like.
Stop that, she told herself.You’re not poor Alicia. You’ve plenty of privilege.
It would have been nice to have her reputation cleared, though.
The next morning, Alicia’s phone rang with another call from Chad. Once more, she ignored it.
An hour later, he appeared at her front door, a self-satisfied smirk on his face like he was winning in the game of cat and mouse.
Alicia wondered what she had ever found attractive about this man. Sure, he was conventionally good looking and dressed sharply in his lightly distressed jeans and cargo shirt. But he was an awful person with an ego the size of Hollywood itself.
‘Hey, AJ. You’re as ravishing as ever. Can I come in?’
Alicia wanted to say no, but if there was going to be drama here, it would not be happening on her doorstep, so she let Chad in but didn’t offer him anything to drink.
